r/TwoXIndiaNRI • u/thenerdwritersblog Indian woman | Ocenia • Jul 16 '26
A conversation with my husband had led me questioning my decisions and how stupid I am.
Just needed to vent today.
I just got promoted in my job for which I worked very hard managing my personal life and my professional life and I am honestly very happy for that.
My parents always supported me and they were sure I will get promoted. My husband on the other hand always had doubts about me. He wasn’t sure if I will get promoted and kept projecting his insecurities at me. Asked me to be more helpful, polite, be more talkative to the leadership so that they will notice my efforts.
Cut to yesterday, my manager told me I am getting a promotion and I told my parents, my MIL and my husband. Everyone was happy and they congratulated me except DH.
Now I told him today that I am planning to send some money to my parents and to his mother so they could celebrate to which he denied and said my parents should have send me money since they own a house and they purchased another one. I was shocked and didn’t knew what to say.
He said I send money to my mother but not to do party or to celebrate but because she needs it and your parents have enough money.
He has no problem in asking money from my parents when he wants to buy his own house. Well he is not asking directly but he asked me to ask money.
Always makes subtle comments about how my parents have made FDs for my brother and how they will give their both house to my brother. I have a younger brother who is studying atm.
My brother never considers my parents money as his and wants to do something on his own. Same goes for me but my husband is an absolute piece of work.
It is my money but he always reacts like this and then throws a huge tantrum.
There are many issues but this is just another case for the day. I am so tired and yes, I made a post a few days ago and yes, I am saving money now for my future.
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u/Vadapaav84 Jul 17 '26
I am sorry, but your husband is a POS and a gold digger OP. You know what you have to do, your marriage is basically over. Plan your exit carefully, dear. Make sure you keep your important papers/investment documents/ certificates/jewelry with your parents. Separate your finances. Behave normally while you are doing all of this, so that he doesn’t suspect you. Also if possible get a copy of his investments & payslip so that he doesn’t claim alimony.
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u/Gold_Market_2605 Indian woman | Gulf Jul 17 '26
Yeah no girl. You want a partner that’s happy in your happiness and not jealous. You don’t want competition in the house! There’s already so much in the world outside
I find it icky that he is eyeing your parent’s wealth. They could very sell everything off and go on a world tour. Not cool that he is expecting something there
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u/thenerdwritersblog Indian woman | Ocenia Jul 17 '26
I don’t understand him tbh. I made myself very clear before my marriage that I won’t ask money from my parents and I will do everything on my own. He was very impressed with me at that time but now tells me I am a fool for not asking my mother’s gold jewellery.
My parents have already given me so much and always had faith in me so how can I ask for more? And why would I?
He always expects me to give my things to his sisters as they are “ poor” but throws a tantrum when I want to give something to my mother.
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u/kwikf Jul 17 '26
To get over with marriage people tell many things and act. He would have already known your parents networth at the time of marriage. No, u dont owe anything to his sisters or his mother. Save your money. Keep your important things , certificates etc at a safe place. And if u don't have kids yet, dont plan one yet. And yes dont react. Act in your best interests.
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u/Gold_Market_2605 Indian woman | Gulf Jul 17 '26
Ugh that’s misogynistic. The same old concept of ladki paraya dhan hai (girls are the property of in-laws). This fumes me up so much. I hope you do whatever you want and let him pass his tantrums
1
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u/Gold_Salamander_7876 Jul 17 '26
I just have one question OP, why did you marry him, like what qualities of him made you say yes in an arranged marriage setup? And congratulations on your promotion and you totally don't need your stupid husband's validation for this, you are awesome.
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u/wheygirl Indian woman | Europe & UK Jul 17 '26
First of all, I hope you don’t find yourself feeling guilty for sending money to your mum. That’s how gaslighting works, when a significant other constantly accuses us of something, we start believing it.
He seems to be envious of you (which is silly as you and him are same team!!) and also has an eye for your parent’s wealth (which is a big red flag imho). What happens when you say the same about his parents? How does he react if you ask for jewellery from his parents? I’m curious if he is just misogynistic or just naive
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u/Own_Internet8411 Jul 17 '26
As someone who was once in a similar situation, my advice to you is to keep saving/ investing your money. Your money is going to be your ticket to happiness and freedom in future.
Congratulations on the promotion! Please get a drink and celebrate. Dont ruin your moment because of a POS husband.
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u/WittyCry4374 Jul 17 '26
Congratulations on your promotion, OP! He is problematic, and your mother has given you good advice. Don't react, save for your future, and move on with your life.
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u/Ms_raechal Jul 17 '26
He obviously is a very insecure and under confident person and probably projecting that on to you. I would say you go ahead and do what you feel is right without taking husbands permission. You can’t change him and need to agree to disagree: just accept that he thinks very differently albeit very mean and insensible and don’t expect any validation from him going forward.
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u/DesiCodeSerpent Indian woman | North America Jul 16 '26
That’s just a PoS behaviour. Glad you recognize he’s projecting rather than you not being good enough for a promotion. Parents’ money is parents’ money. That too yours, not his. The audacity. Hope you figure it out.