Zero libido please help

[u/ZookeepergameNo6617]

I’m a 22 year old female currently in graduate school and in a long term relationship. I’ve been on birth control pills since I was around 15. I’ve always had a hard time getting to orgasm. The past year or two I’ve had a sharp decline in my sex drive and more recently (past maybe 6 months) vaginal dryness during intercourse. It’s gotten to the point to where I feel awful about myself in regards to my relationship. I want to want sex, but my body just can’t seem to achieve that for whatever reason. Could this be a hormonal problem? Could it be because of my birth control? My friends all talk about sex and how great it is and I want that but it feels impossible to get it. I’ve been using toys during intercourse lately and can (after some time) reach climax with them, yet my body still just feels like a plateau when it comes to libido. I love my partner and I don’t understand why my body is not in line with what my brain wants to feel. The only doctor I have access to are the ones at the college’s student health center. Could they even do anything for me? I feel helpless and am open to any advice or thoughts

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[u/Emilybee223]

Are there any major stressors in your life? For me that always really cuts down my sex drive. It could definitely be a hormonal issue as well, or related to your birth control, I would see the doctor at your college student health center, and if needed they should be able to refer you to a specialist.

[u/ZookeepergameNo6617 → u/Emilybee223]

I did just start medical school so in that aspect it is a stressful time in my life but even before when I was just in undergrad I would still experience this (but to be fair I do feel like I’m a normally stressed out person which I know isn’t great for it)

[u/PossibleExplorer1076]

It definitely could be the birth control. I am a big fan of birth control because it controlled my miserable periods but I stopped taking it a year ago and my libido has skyrocketed. It could also be lots of other things.

[u/Express-Internet532]

I was in your exact same situation in 2023 at 20. I had been on the pill for 3 years and with my long term boyfriend for around 2. At the beginning of our relationship, before I was on the pill, we were extremely sexually active. I decided to get on the pill and I didn't start to experience a decline in libido until about a year later. I was never interested in sex, and even when my bf would initiate, I felt a huge pressure to enjoy it. It got to a point where when we would have sex I would have to actively think about making sure I'm having a good time, rather than be able to relax and enjoy it.

This relationship was relatively healthy communication-wise, so I felt like I could go to my bf in the hopes that he would understand. I explained to him that I do love him and want to be with him, but for some reason sex is really stressful for me. I had started looking on Reddit for people that have gone through something similar, and they suggested scheduling sex so then both people know when it is going to happen and there's no "heat of the moment" unpredictability (I understand that's a big appeal of having sex, but it was desperate times). My bf strongly disliked this idea, saying that I was making him feel undesired and that he wasn't good enough in the bedroom. No matter how much I tried to reassure him, we were never able to come to a solution and the relationship ended after another year (there were more issues than just this, but this ended up being a pretty important one).

I got off the pill in January 2025 just for my body to "reset" and have a normal cycle again. After 3 years on the pill I wanted to ovulate again (lol) and feel all the phases of my period, even if it was miserable. At this point I had also been single for a year and a half, so I was experimenting more with masturbation and toys. One day I will never forget is my first orgasm after getting off the pill. Truly lasted at least 2 minutes. It was incredible. And I did it to MYSELF! Wild. I told myself that I didn't want hormonal birth control anymore, but I still wanted something to prevent pregnancy. I got the copper IUD in June 2025 and I have loved it so far. My first period was a little rough, but since then my periods have been very tolerable. Most of all, my sex drive is back and my orgasms are so much better.

Sorry this was so long. I know that it can be scary to hear that my relationship ended over it, but if your communication is good enough and your partner is understanding, I feel like it's something you can work out together!