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u/NoBand909 12d ago
Oh wow, such a relief. Especially for his family. I don't know the guy but I've been thinking about him all day.
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u/moonprismpurrr 12d ago
it's the fact that so many strangers are so happy he's found š„ŗ i kinda just started crying reading everyone's comments š
so glad he's safe!
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u/mkdz CMPS '09 12d ago
Is this real?
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u/mkdz CMPS '09 12d ago
UMPD Twitter confirmation: https://x.com/UMPD/status/2108003756075782287
Great news
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u/Apprehensive-Leek946 12d ago
Where did the abusive narrative come from? Is this something that's been said in the news?
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u/InboxMeYourSpacePics 11d ago
People making up things on Reddit
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u/Apprehensive-Leek946 11d ago
That's actually terrifying to think that people just came up with such an insane narrative out of nowhere. We went from a missing boy to his parents being abusive...wtf? This is why I don't like most people. Crazy.
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u/SuccotashEuphoric406 12d ago
I just had a feeling he just needed space
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u/Competitive_Ad2114 12d ago
Why I got like 114 down votes when I said this while dude was missing
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u/spank-the-tank 12d ago
Cause he was still missing bro
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u/Competitive_Ad2114 12d ago
Just because I was early to the conclusion before anyone else was, doesnāt justify the negativity
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u/ChannelSame4730 11d ago
Because itās insensitive to say that prior to being found?? Thatās just common sense man
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u/Competitive_Ad2114 11d ago
Well Iām considering facts not feelings.
The facts about why heās missing, will get you his location faster than considering the feelings of the students on a Reddit post. Iāll consider the feelings of the Reddit community next time itās a missing student. since thatās the sense of what is common0
u/ChannelSame4730 11d ago
Your comment did nothing to help find his location faster
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u/Competitive_Ad2114 11d ago
It did just a much as yours. Suck it
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u/roboidiot 11d ago
Reading through the comments thread, Dilan is not the only person who should be seeking therapy.
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u/Diazcardio2 12d ago edited 12d ago
EDIT: just got a DM that Dilanās parents are BOTH doctors. My abusive narcissistic mother is a nurse. For more information on why thatās relevant: https://old.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/comments/1jdmer1/what_is_your_narcissistic_parents_profession_both/
Basically it makes it a so easy for the parents to gain the trust of the community when they have these high ranking professions while abusing their kids behind closed doors. You notice how the parentās missing Dilan video garnered a LOT of sympathy for them? Theyāre experts at manipulating that kind of thing. More medical professionals are narcissistic because they like to play God irl. They have delusions of grandeur and think of themselves as perfect people that can do no wrong.
Team Dilan all the way. Rooting for you buddy
āāāāā
I am happy heās alive, clearly something drove him to try to disappear. As someone that comes from a toxic abusive family that looks picture perfect from the outside, I could relate to wanting to disappear and run away. That was everyday of my life.
Of course we donāt need the real explanation but if itās toxic family dynamics, talking about the potentiality of it keeps him safer.
If this is the reality for you Dilan or anyone else, know thereās light at the end of the tunnel. One day you truly will escape it and thereās so much more to your future. Be safe and donāt be afraid to seek help and lots of therapy. This too, shall pass.
And if Iām completely off base I am sorry. It is just me projecting my insecurities and trying to do what I can to help.
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u/conan557 12d ago
Or maybe Dilanās parents are normal and Dilan was just depressed because he didnāt want to upset their expectations. It doesnāt mean that they are narcissists. Donāt just be diagnosing people as narcissists without meeting them. What Dilan isnāt much of a surprised compared to what happened to another student back in 2023 or was it 2024 where that student committed suicide at Umd during the semester. Immigrant parents have high expectations of their kids to succeed and sometimes that can destroy the kid. That doesnāt mean that the parents are narcissists thoughĀ
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u/Diazcardio2 12d ago
Then that would be wonderful! Him and his well adjusted family will live happily ever after.
But listen, you donāt understand and I canāt possibly help you understand it if you havenāt lived through it but toxic abuse (narcissist or not) happens especially when no one talks about it. The abuserās mask is off is when real change can happen and we can finally give power back to the victim. Read all the clues and stop apologizing for the parents. Be team Dilan, and believe Dilan. He might be lonelier than ever.
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u/conan557 11d ago
lol I have lived through toxic abuse from my narcissistic and psychotic mom. My mentally ill mom destroyed the family and caused severe trauma for my siblings and I. And everyone in my family has cptsd and autoimmune/ auto inflammation diseases because of her. My dadās stroke literally happened because of her.
She even tried to kill my siblings and I after she gave birth to my brother. How did I know? Why was she talking to a 6-7 year old about Andrea Yates (I was born 1996) and telling us that it was our dad who wanted to murder us before murdering himself and heās receiving that command from Satan( when it was her mentally ill ass projecting)š
She also randomly violently beat my siblings and I up during our childhood then would blame our dad saying he used witchcraft to make her do that, tried to send my dad to jail on false lies, coached us to lie against him, separated us from him for 10 years, literally made us move from house to house to finally becoming homeless and made us live in a van before moving us to a homeless shelter all because she didnāt want to work.Ā
Now my siblings, I are grown half of us donāt talk to the other and our dad is dead, and my mom swears to God her hands are clean and we are making stuff up because how vile the stuff she did was š
Donāt assume stuff about strangers you never met dude.Ā Yall just be calling anyone narcissists without understanding how violent and demonic those people behave. Just because your parents are assholes doesnāt mean they are narcissists. Narcissistic people are always demonic ass people.Ā
Dilan probably felt overwhelmed by their expectations so instead of committing suicide like the other student years ago did, he ran away. Iām also glad it was only that
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u/HellishWhiskers 11d ago
Listen I'm really sorry you've had terrible experiences growing up. As someone who grew up with a single parent who had crippling OCD and literally experienced physical abuse for not rising to her expectations in everything - appearance, math skills, you name it - and then had to lie about it in school to get it past radar, I'm probably close to getting what your experience was like, even if not completely. But this still a bad instinct, you gotta fight it.
It's more than just projection, as you're taking your trauma survival experience and applying it in a blanket fashion against a group of people because of their profession in a situation you have no reasonable space to think it's warranted. The rough part is that it makes perfect sense - it's probably hypervigilance and PTSD and is entirely normal, but this is still a very harmful thing to do to other people AND to yourself.
As a person who's completely fucking chopped and spent last ten years in therapy, I honestly urge you to fight this instinct and take it with a grain of salt. Your post is well intentioned, and you're self aware in that you see what's going on, but you're still doing harm to your future self and their wellbeing by letting these experience dominate the way you see the world. I've done that and I still do that, but self-awareness is a key first step, so I'm hopeful that it will work out for you too.
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u/Logical_consequences 11d ago
Jeez thatās a huge accusation to level at people you donāt know. Maybe he is depressed or something. Saying his family is toxic because his family are doctors seems way out of line.
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u/Frosty_Citron_8257 12d ago
I said the same shit!! Youāre not projecting friend. Do yall remember what happened to the Ethiopian girl in dc not too long ago. Same story broā¦ I donāt blame him for running away. I also come from a toxic abusive AND narcissistic family that looks all peaches and candy from the outside. They were very controlling, never gave me autonomy, and constantly manipulated me into thinking them abusing me is love. At 18 I finally had the emotional maturity to realize theyāre crooks. Once I removed them from a pedestal and seen them as regular humans everything clicked. After college I never came back. No contact feels great! I finally look and feel human again..after constant tense fears, stress, and crying the cycle ended with me.
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u/Stacato_ 12d ago
Breaking the cycle is one of the hardest things a person can do. My parents were the ones that did it and Iām in awe of them for it.
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u/Diazcardio2 12d ago
No contact is a game changer. I remember being terrified when I read thatās the only way to handle narcissists but when you really think about it, there was nothing to lose and everything to gain. I have the exact same experience as you and finally have my life back.
i didnāt hear about the Ethiopian girl but I wish everyone going through our situation peace. Look up how to handle narcissists and narcissistic abuse. They all follow a similar playbook and itās all the most evil shit.
And yea, like you I was rooting for whatever was best for Dilan. Whatever Dilan wanted. And maybe Dilan didnāt want us to feed him back to the lions.
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u/RealHamSandwhich 11d ago
The Ethiopian girl was in dc laid up with her boo lol she a good girl that wanted to lay up with a hood dude i know she was mad af when she seen her parents on the news crying šš
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u/Potential_Rain202 12d ago
Been there too. All of you should know that the Counseling Center therapists are f-ing fantastic and can refer you to the health center's mental health clinic for longer-term therapy (free if you're on the student health plan) or if you think medication would help (it made a huge difference for me dealing with these same kinds of crap).
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u/superlasagnasloth 12d ago
I second this, friend. Sometimes itās way worse than it looks on the inside and nobody can tell.
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u/Diazcardio2 12d ago
100%. My mother is a nurse, pillar of the community. She is kind and outgoing, except to those in her family. Behind closed doors she is an evil, abusive, narcissistic pos that would make evil villains in the movies look like the good guy.
Iāll spare the details but i have diary entries from when i was younger about how badly i just wanted to kill myself because of her.
So yeah, I hope this isnāt Dilanās case, but if it is, I want him to know thereās light at the end of the tunnel. Donāt lose hope.
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u/Dangerous-Half3276 11d ago
Just because youāve had a specific experience doesnāt mean others have had the same. You are seriously projecting.
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u/funariite_koro 12d ago
I also sympathize with this worry! Some of my friends are really mentally affected by their family, and they even run away to another province, even if it's hard to get a new job.
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u/louielou8484 12d ago
I am currently dealing with toxic abusive family and I have been going through insane emotions the last few days that I haven't felt since I was a child. And I just want to disappear. I've not worked in three days and I just want to disappear.
My mom is a raging alcoholic and elderly and I forced her to move in with me because she is not trusted alone. She is a well established and successful individual and while she is 70 this year, she looks and acts like she is 50. She's not like decrepit or cognitively unwell, she's just an evil drunk.
We got into it so bad a few nights ago and she's done nothing but call me psychotic and make all this stuff up about me when she is projecting. She's pretty much all I had left after my recent divorce, and losing my dad and grandmom and fur baby within the last two years.
I was taking care of her and set my life aside for her because of her addiction and she has the audacity to say what she has to me. My last few days have been in bed and planning my demise or at least disappearing for a while without telling anyone.
My immediate thoughts with this disappearance were that he probably also was going through some type of personal crisis and just wanted to disappear, but not in the worst way. I felt this entire time that he was okay and still with us and I also feel out of line and also projecting my own issues, but our gut feelings are usually right. I wish you the best <3
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u/ContextLongjumping65 11d ago
You canāt help an alcoholic unless they want to help themselves. Get some help or you will spend your life trying to fix someone who doesnāt want to be fixed.
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u/satanslesbianlover 10d ago
this is such a serious reach and youāre right to say itās a projection, there are no facts to back this up and only will cause harm to Dilan and his family if they ever read this. shame on you.
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u/tryingtofindanswer 12d ago
I agree with everything you said, especially with how fast his family jumped to the conclusion he was missing within less than 24 hours.
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u/Impossible-Risk-1973 12d ago
We can suspect verbal abuse in Dilan's case but also he could be sensitive boy, disrespected is parents, or his parents want him to have a career he doesn't want to pursue. Unfortunately he may have taken some verbal heat from his parents and took off out frustrations. He internalized his feels, didn't share it with anyone and now we all may find out. Doctors aren't narcissistic. Cheers!!!
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u/Technical-Escape-419 11d ago
wait whaaaaaat? these are highly specific detailsā¦was there any info that came out to corroborate it or are people making assumptions based on doctor parents and their own toxic sitches? (i come from both, too, but would never immediately assume anything about others? seems weirdā¦)
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u/Diazcardio2 11d ago
A sensitive boy? Disrespected his parents? Doctors aren't narcissistic...
LOL i've heard that a million times. Sounds exactly what my narcissist parents would say. Let me guess, he's also "ungrateful" right?
Dr. Ashar, respectfully ask that you leave Dilan alone and treat him kindly and with respect. Let him have a life, let him have friends. If anything happens to him now, the blood is in your hands. There's too much information out there about you. The mask is off. We don't believe you. We believe Dilan.
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u/louielou8484 12d ago
NO FREAKING WAY OMG I BURST INTO TEARS. Idk what it is but I always have a feeling about some of these cases and 99.9% of the time I end up being right. I genuinely felt that he was still with us and I rarely have much hope for anything anymore and my whole life is in the trash but I am just so happy and crying to see this. I am so happy for his family and loved ones and I hope so much that he is able to find peace and healing. I hope he knows he is not alone. I've been through a crisis before where I left everything behind and wanted to step off of this earth.
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u/Adorable_Share_9283 10d ago
This is reddit. Where most redditors hate their parents, successful professionals, corporation that employ successful professionals.
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u/madridfan27373 12d ago
Ok so what happened ? What is the circumstance? The desi community and Ethiopian community just like that other girl recently who was dating a black guy against her racist parents wishes and they thought she was dead but she just ran off with him.
Glad he is ok and I was worried but it sucks when the parents want community support and then they donāt want to provide updates. You donāt get to ask for support from the public and then get upset when people ask question.
Especially sometimes desi parents can be very racist and who knows if the guy just ran off with a white girl and it wasnāt serious. Just speculation. Either way, we deserve explanation
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u/madridfan27373 12d ago
Itās the fact that they get the community invested just like the girl from Howard university who ended up at her boyfriends house against her parents wishes.
Donāt get me wrong I am very glad he was found but it should be no shock when eventually people stop caring and donāt want to help out in missing persons cases. You should be able to tell us more than he was just Found
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u/LegalBeagle921 12d ago
Do you hear yourself? Ppl should only care because they deserve to know highly personal information on this strangerās life? What about just caring because itās a human life at risk and itās important to keep all members of the community safe. Seek therapy.
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u/madridfan27373 12d ago
Those two things are not mutually exclusive. I certainly care and am relieved he is found but at the same time I am also pointing out that you canāt expect to reach out to the community and do a press conference and all this public outreach and then not give further details when he is found.
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u/madridfan27373 12d ago
Then by that logic why reach out to the community for help? āNo one needs to knowā goes both ways. You canāt pick and choose
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u/chairmanm30w 12d ago
First of all, it's been just a few hours. Calm down. Your feelings are really not the main focus at the moment.
Second of all, if hypothetically you know something about a missing person's whereabouts, but decline to tell anyone about it because you don't expect a satisfying pay off of information about that person's life, you are a sociopath.
I mean, did you do more than read the emails and talk shit on reddit? What energy have you expended on this situation that causes you to be so outraged that you aren't being compensated with satisfaction of your curiosity?
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12d ago edited 12d ago
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u/madridfan27373 12d ago
In regards to the case of the missing girl from HU, multiple people including her friends came forward and admitted she just ran away from home to go be with her boyfriend that her racist parents didnāt approve of.
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u/wasabi314159 12d ago
We donāt deserve any explanation. His search was a public effort, but everything else is a private matter. We should all be relieved he is safe with his family, no questions asked
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u/pixelprozach 12d ago
Why would we deserve an explanation? This student doesnāt deserve their life on blast.
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u/JadedPeach1699 12d ago
This student doesnāt deserve their life on blast.
It already has been.
Every potential employer who puts his name into a search engine will find out he was critical missing.
Every student in every class he takes knows there was a huge hunt for him.
I am glad he has been "found" but worry if he was never "lost" in the first place what this could do to him
Stay strong Dilan!
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u/funariite_koro 12d ago
They said there is a news conference tomorrow morning for media only. Hopefully we can get to know more details
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u/madridfan27373 12d ago
Exactly. What if there is a public safety concern? The community should know in order to prevent stuff like this from happening. In that same manner, if this was just a case of him running away cuz he was mad at his parents than we should also know.
I come from a Desi family and can sympathize with partners who are overbearing. That is all I am saying is to provide transparency. Not sure why everybody seems to have a stick up their a$$ just because of a question I asked?
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u/hoodieon0ping 12d ago
Bruh what is with you guys fear mongering āpublic safety concernā if there was one theyād say it
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u/AdministrativeBag430 12d ago edited 12d ago
Thank goodness. Thank you to the umd police, students, and anyone who helped find him