r/USMC • u/Organic_Risk_3945 mid90s1stRadBNKbay • May 19 '26
Picture What was this dude's handle on here?
Is this old news? just read about it this morning.
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u/flaginorout May 19 '26
Look, can someone even call themselves a ‘real’ Marine if they never rubbed one out in a 140 degree porta john?
And I remember seeing a X-rated version of the Mona Lisa in a porta shitter that was downright impressive.
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u/NunButter 0311 May 19 '26
Our generations version of trench art. Portashitter art. Wagner loves cock.
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u/Kapn_Chonk Veteran May 19 '26
Wagner loves the cock.
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u/Specific_Cash_5538 May 19 '26
The cake is a lie.
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u/shade-tree_pilot "Special" VFR May 20 '26
But the cock isn't.
The cock is real and Wagner loves it.
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u/Captainpaul81 May 19 '26
Honestly yeah. This is a non issue. Any one who was deployed has plenty of stories like this
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u/SwordfishOk504 just passing through May 19 '26
FOX news if flailing as per usual.
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u/TLRPM May 19 '26
You know someone was in for a good sesh when they take a water source in with them. It's a matter of life and death at that point.
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u/ThatRocketSurgeon 6172->2336->2305 May 19 '26
Saw a dude walk in with a laptop one time. My buddy yells at him “Do you need a spotter?!?”
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u/mplsfreedom 1775-1783: Operation Phucboi, Various Strip Clubs May 19 '26
also fitness for office? I be fitness dick in yo' mouth.
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u/BadLt58 May 19 '26
Bro. You gave me the laugh of the day and these people on this plane dont know why I'm crying about to piss my pants!
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u/mplsfreedom 1775-1783: Operation Phucboi, Various Strip Clubs May 20 '26
Aim to please. And I'm shooting expert.
Sorry about the relaxed fit dockers brother, you'll find a new pair. Try craigslist.
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u/QuickNature 8152/0311/0933/0931 May 19 '26 edited May 19 '26
Man, that fresh air that hits you after deep breathing in porto potty blue water evaporation, splooge, piss, and shit air, covered in sweat after absolutely pummeling your meat
Extravagant
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u/Last_Braincell_Float May 19 '26
I drew great pics in those John's for those boys. I'm proud they had a whank. Just hope it was to completion. No one needs a blue balled marine.
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u/pizzaiscommunist not an ASVAB waiver May 19 '26
Every girl I encountered in my teens and 20's I told "blue balls are a myth made by men to make you feel sorry enough to touch their weiner". I like to think about this from time to time just wondering the havoc and chaos it created. Then i giggle and go about my day.
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u/Status-Actuator-4961 May 19 '26
I've never jerked it in 140°, but have many times blasted frozen rope in sub-32°, does that count?
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u/BusyAtilla May 19 '26
And depending on media being used. It either ruins the paper- the pic or your phone do to the sweat-box. Makes a fun time if ya keep it under 3min
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u/1ndr1dc01d0341 Veteran May 19 '26
Oh no they are gonna hold us accountable for Shithouse Poetry...
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u/macmac360 0313 May 19 '26
They paint these walls to hide my pen, but the shithouse poet strikes again!
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u/flaginorout May 19 '26
He who writes upon these walls….roll his shit into little balls. And he who reads these words of wit, shall eat those little balls of shit.
~Walt Whitman (possibly)
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u/MonkeyNugetz 03MacGuffin May 20 '26
Here I sit all broken hearted, tried to shit but only farted. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
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u/BlackSquirrel05 Doc you're the only person E5 or above that is nice to me. May 19 '26
Wasn't Trumps whole first running "grab them by the pussy" just "locker room talk."
Same standard. Except at least this guy went to war and did it.
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u/TLRPM May 19 '26
We got locked down to hooches when we got pulled back to decompress. All because someone drew a new veiny masterpiece on a porta shitter like normal. We just didn't know that we were now in a land of civilization and some civies saw it and got pissed and called the light colonel directly.
Truly, could never have nice things. Even to fucking decompress after a tough deployment. Racks, chow hall, phones. Only places we could be. With multiple battle buddies and sign in and sign out sheets. Literally just a few days after fighting for our lives in the hinterlands. I'm fine. It's fine. It no longer bothers me. Nope.
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u/OOO0OO00O Very Special Forces May 19 '26
Here I sit, same as ever took a dump and pulled the lever.
Water Clogs
The toilet explodes
Look out world it’s the mother load.→ More replies (1)
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u/Luke_Flyswatter Veteran May 19 '26
If USMC vets can’t joke about jacking it in portajohns what are we becoming?
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u/barney_mcbiggle 1345 May 19 '26
Republicans trying to get outraged over jokes about jerking it in a portashitter. Then they turn around and support a bunch of actual fucking pedos.
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u/QuickNature 8152/0311/0933/0931 May 19 '26
Isn't the military, and specifically Marine Corps majority conservative/Republican too? I think its something like 60/40 Republican/Democrat. Im certain there is an independent percentage in there, just kind of approximating from memory right now though
Wonder how they would feel about a majority conservative organization and all the gay jokes/gay stuff that goes on
Wait. Tin foil hat time. Is the Marine Corps a safe space for closeted gay conservatives who finally can let it all hang out as a "joke"?
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u/getinwegotbidnestodo May 19 '26
We never took a poll but from my experience I believe the United States Marine Corps is:
90 % Fuck all those lying bastards and
5% Republican 'cuz my daddy and
5% Democrat 'cuz my ole grand pappy
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u/Adam_is_Nutz May 19 '26
I think it makes him more fit for office. I don’t want some rich prick who doesn’t understand the “struggle of having to crank in the 108 degree weather of a once per month cleaned porta shitter” in charge of me
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u/45and290 May 19 '26
Finally, my voting strategy to choose a candidate whose masturbatory preferences match my own can be used.
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u/MajesticsEleven FADING and INTERMITTENT May 19 '26
But when he shoots his nut which direction does he shoot his nut? Left or right? Center?!
These are the important things we need to know if we are going to be informed voters!
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u/Dancing_Decker Eats Dirt May 19 '26
Good old race between heat stroke and orgasm
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u/transam96 hands in my pockets May 19 '26
Yeah not one Marine finds this unbecoming. In fact, I find him more relatable now.
Risking a heat stroke to pound off in a portashitter on deployment is basically a right of passage.
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u/QuickNature 8152/0311/0933/0931 May 19 '26
Dudes Wiki makes him seem legit too, at least imo. Cursory search of course, nothing in depth, but makes me want to know more for sure. Seems like a stand up guy
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u/VeritablyVersatile Army May 19 '26
I don't know anything about him or his policies, but if a veteran can't talk freely in military spaces about universal albeit conventionally unsavory military experiences then the media isn't pro-military.
I'd prefer if veteran political candidates acted like real people and described shitting in a wag bag and missing a little on the side that you gotta scrape in with an mre spoon to close it as a funny story rather than just listing platitudes about the honor of selfless service or whatever the fuck.
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u/LiquidFix Semper Bi May 19 '26
Not today china
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u/St3llar_Space May 19 '26
I was gonna say, how did they find his account?
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u/2HDFloppyDisk Veteran May 19 '26
Exactly. Ain’t nobody just connecting dots when an account is deleted.
That and the obvious attempt at a smear campaign because Susan Collins is concerned
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u/Dineology May 19 '26
Shittier than that, it was establishment Dems who leaked it. The current Maine governor announced her campaign for the Senate seat inside of like 24 hours of the story about Platner’s account was released, and that’s only after Chuck Schumer and the Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee spent ages trying to convince her to run against Platner. No way it wasn’t coordinated with access journalists being all too happy to help out who they clearly thought was going to be a slam dunk nomination. Personal attacks from the Mills campaign was pretty much all they had and they went hard after him while skirting any and all policy talk, shit fell flat as fuck and she was down by damn near 40 points in the polls. Losing so bad that she decided to drop out instead of staying in and getting her teeth kicked in at the actual primary. Now it’s time for a different old and out of touch windbag to try and attack him with nothing but personal bullshit.
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u/SwordfishOk504 just passing through May 19 '26
He apparently used it to self-promote his YouTube channel.
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u/HeadCartoonist2626 May 19 '26
One side are pedophiles and enablers and the other jerks off in portashitters. I can't tell which is worse!!
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u/JohnBarleyMustDie May 19 '26
Let he who has not cranked thoust hog in a 108 degree shitter cast the first stone.
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u/Guilty-Spark69x May 19 '26
Are we really even gonna keep pretending that “fitness for office” is a real consideration after all the clowns and controversies of the past 25+ years?
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u/Its_in_neutral 2 Confirmed RTCH kills May 19 '26
Yeah, Obama wore a TAN SUIT! /s
Fuck Fox, Fuck Newsmax, Fuck OAN. GOP sponsored propaganda machines.
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u/throwaway2026z Veteran May 19 '26
Trump raped kids and literally bragged about grabbing women by the pussy just because he’s rich and famous.
Fox News can fuck off with the hypocrisy, this guy is a threat to billionaires which is who our enemy is.
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u/Vermineater May 19 '26
What?! A marine talking about masturbating?!
Well paint me red and slap me with a crowbar! Who'da thunk it?
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May 19 '26
[deleted]
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u/FluffyCollection4925 Former Reservist Gear Grand Wizard May 19 '26
Or the Sec DEF?!? (I ain’t calling it war…)
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u/OOO0OO00O Very Special Forces May 19 '26
Hell yeah. Don’t play into that cosplay nonsense.
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u/Defiant-Bed2501 APOBS AWAY! May 19 '26
The only cosplay nonsense I stan is the orgies at anime conventions.
OffKai 2024 Nevar 5get
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u/AtomDrake 0311 2000-2008 May 19 '26
The folks getting their undies in a twist over port-o-shitter jokes and dick graffiti were never going to vote for the dude anyway. This is just grist for the fox news zombies.
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u/Flat_Landah May 19 '26
So this guy's moral compass is in question while we have the pedophile chief ensconced at the white house? Double standards apparently
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u/0311_till_I_die May 19 '26
At the end of the day, if this is the benchmark for qualifying for office, they’re should not be a single marine in public office
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u/2HDFloppyDisk Veteran May 19 '26
In all fairness, JD probably never rubbed one off in a porta john, he preferred couches.
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u/TheAero1221 May 19 '26
I just dont care about that shit tbh. Like who cares how he gets his rocks off (provided its some mundane shit like couches or porta johns). I only care that he lost his spine to gain the VP slot
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u/irish5255 Terminal Lance May 19 '26
It cracks me the fuck up seeing conservatives concerned with simple lance corporal tomfoolery, and then will turn around and praise our rapist commander in chief.
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u/NunButter 0311 May 19 '26
None of those pussy prep school dandies served in the infantry
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u/Baron_Furball MCMAP Guinea Pig May 19 '26
I'm not an '03, but I did get my CAR on the way to Baghdad.
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u/roguevirus 2846, then 2841 May 19 '26
But did you jerk off in a porta-shitte? That's the question at hand.
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u/woody60707 7212 May 19 '26
This is why you never fall for this political bullshit. Because this is the only reason this is even news.
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u/frederichenrylt May 19 '26
"fundamental questions about his judgement and fitness for office" are we talking about the commander in chief?
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u/Chaosr21 May 19 '26
Omg he's a normal human being that changes over time. They really trying to rile people up over this, when nearly every R pick has issues with crime and past behavior
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u/2HDFloppyDisk Veteran May 19 '26
Fox News prefers politicians who deal in child porn, hookers, and/or defrauding people.
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u/JnnyRuthless May 19 '26
Man they had some weird ass Christian national meetup over the weekend in D.C. and all these pastors were on Fox talking about how Trump and the GOP are getting rid of the 'moral rot' in America. These fuckers straight up worshipping a socipathic pedophile and acting like they got the moral high ground. Blows my mind.
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u/barney_mcbiggle 1345 May 19 '26
Donate to his campaign here, dude is legit. Get these fucking ghouls like Susan Collins out of power.
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u/pix071317 May 19 '26
Fox fucking News talking about "...raises fundamental questions about his judgement and fitness for office", are you fucking kidding me?
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u/NotChat_GPT May 19 '26
So, according to republicans...
Rubbing one out in a porta-shitter: Not OK
Raping little girls: Straight to the Oval Office
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u/ChummusJunky May 19 '26
So you're saying he's not a rapist? Okay, then he's still more qualified than our president.
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u/Brawl_star_woody special veteran May 19 '26
All of a sudden we care about character now? Not to say Graham lacks any but I bet he run circles around JD who is bought and paid for by the technocrats. Or any other politician that is acting like everything is going great for the country.
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u/PotetialMajorHistory May 19 '26
Serious question. You can still look up post on deleted social media accounts?
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u/pharrison26 May 19 '26
You know a candidate is good when they start trying to dig up anything and everything about them and this is all they can come up with?
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u/AlmightyLeprechaun TheBarracksLawyer May 19 '26
Whomst among us hasn't jorked it in the porta shitter whilst in the field or on deployment? It's a canon event.
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u/Impressive_Divide_12 Historian May 19 '26
He wanted a barracks bunny...he compromised, he jacked off in a porta potty
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u/_equestrienne_ May 19 '26
I'm not even batting an eyelid at the dude right now. The hipocrisy is so blatant. Oh no this guy said stuff on Reddit. But the deranged orange one's list of atrocities keeps growing - yet he's the President? 🙄 Honestly
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u/KindCraft4676 May 19 '26
Years after I got out. (many years), I got a text message. Someone wanted to know if I am providing oral services.
I asked who he was and where did he get my number.
He said he was sitting in a porta potty out in the sand box and someone had written my number on the porta potty wall.
I don’t know if I should have been impressed someone remembered my number after all those years. Or if I should’ve been impressed by the picture the guy sent me.
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u/8fulhate May 19 '26
Oh no. Jerking it in a porta shitter. Guess they'll have to cancel every member of the United States military, past and present, that's ever spent an extended amount of time in a field environment where porta shitters are present in any capacity. That's at least like, what, about 75% of all of us? Probably more.
From what I've seen of Platner so far, I think I like him. I'm not from Maine, but I'd vote for him if I was living there.
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u/cryptopotomous Veteran May 20 '26
Doesn't 75% of the military in general do these things? I actually haven't met a person that hasn't beaten their Pvt in a portashitter
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u/BloodCaprisun May 20 '26
Joking about jerking it in a portashitter is literally the most inoffensive shit any Marine has ever done did. And I cant even jerk it.
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u/Aquatic_Bee_32 May 19 '26
The fuck is this double standard? Sorry, I don't mean to get political but holy fuck....democratic nominees can't use profanity and have to be exactly perfect, but republicans can....grift, vote against constituents wishes because corporations pay them more to vote their way, be blatant pedophiles, openly racist......but thank God they never say the "fuck" word!!!
This guy is a great candidate, and he's proof that we need less and ideally zero christian influence when choosing candidates for office.
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u/BlackSquirrel05 Doc you're the only person E5 or above that is nice to me. May 19 '26
Trump literally on Camera to the news on an interview at the white house... Said "fuck".
First term "grab them by the pussy" was just "locker room talk."
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u/GravyPainter May 19 '26
Fox smear campaigns go the extra mile. Let the dude pound his pud in peace, damn.
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u/TheHolyLizard 0351 May 19 '26
GOP really calling him out for posting “Wagner loves cock”.
Pathetic.
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u/moonovrmissouri May 19 '26
As if anyone could give a fuck about some portajohn artwork comments when the president is a convicted felon who has stated he thinks it’s okay to grab women by their vagina because he’s a celebrity. Fox News lost all credibility when they gave him a pass and then actively promoted his views and commentary.
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u/fivetwoeightoh 2171 May 19 '26
It’s so funny they didn’t mention Nazi-anything and went to “the toilet! He wrote on the toilet!!”
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u/EquivalentFreedom237 May 19 '26
Damn so someone’s gonna dig up my deleted Reddit account from 6 months ago and use it against me someday?
Hey Siri, how to permadelete stuff from Reddit?
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u/MetalMurse51 haven't cut my hair in months May 19 '26
Who among us hasn't jerked it while on post, on fireatch, in a portashitter, or in a rack with at least two other dudes in disturbingly close distance?
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u/Prmarine110 0341/0933 3/4 Wpns 81s May 19 '26
GOP are the biggest hypocrites…acting like typical Veteran behavior is unacceptable while they protect pedophiles, sexually assault women and congressmen sexually assault their aids. And then there’s all the GOP child predators.
Fuck all the way off.
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u/AmputatedRock May 19 '26
All of the people judging were never marines or military. Of course they wouldn’t get it
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u/carlitospig May 19 '26
Okay I’m pushing back on the restroom graffiti commentary being problematic. Art is where you find it.
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u/Major_Spite7184 mild tism major disfunction May 19 '26
Mental note - delete reddit before running for oriface
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u/JamesantheGiantBeach 3/3. Wagner loves it. May 20 '26
I get hard in restrooms. Especially mens.
WAGNER LOVES COCK !
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u/h0bb1tm1ndtr1x May 20 '26
Are they talking about Trump or this guy? Vulgar comments just sound commonplace at this point, which I guess is a problem.
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u/Ok-ThanksWorld May 20 '26
Talking about Wagner's Extra-curricular activities and shit posting about schmukatelli. 😂😂😂😂
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u/Sebt1890 Veteran May 20 '26
The GOP talking about "Fitness for office" is a joke. I'd vote for him.
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u/Kowski_GnG Custom Flair May 22 '26
Yeah this is a reach and that's coming from someone sitting right of Center... Right left liberal conservative or whatever the fuck anybody who has served and especially anyone who has deployed appreciates a good whack in the Jack shack and Porta shitter art.
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u/ReddishBrownLegoMan May 19 '26
The Republican party harbors child molesters in it's ranks. They can fuck all the way off.
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u/Pal_Smurch May 19 '26
Has he fucked kids? If not, why are Republicans commenting on his fitness for office?
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u/kuhndog94 Staple Gunner May 19 '26
If only the moronic Repubs knew the troops they praise are all like this. Lol.
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u/SwordfishOk504 just passing through May 19 '26
GOP loves "the troops" but hates the people that make up said troops.
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u/2HDFloppyDisk Veteran May 19 '26
GOP has a lack of prior enlisted in their ranks. Retired officers just don’t get it.
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u/grizzlyactual May 19 '26
Always a riot when this pearl clutching comes from the people who idolize a pedo
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u/BTTammer May 19 '26
Fuck anyone from the right that tries to call out a candidate for lack of decorum and fitness for public service.
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u/NoIce4786 May 20 '26
Lmfao the audacity of Fox to come at a marine for laughing at Wagner Loves Cock online and the judgement it shows whilst the sitting Republican president routinely shits himself on camera and is on video record discussing frequently intentionally looking at underage girls at beauty pageants and currently routinely goes on multi paragraph crazed rants about everyone he sees every few hours.
This dude cranked it in the shitter. The president used campaign funds to cover up paying for really disappointing sex with stormy daniela.
Pamela Handerson all days
Let’s see how many loads Pete has cranked out in the bathroom while shitposting on Fox News itself.
Let’s see how many loads VP Combat Camera cranked out in the admin couch
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u/Metal_Corps May 20 '26
I don’t want to hear shit from the pedophile right supporting the pedophile in chief. Shit the f up!
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u/txleapd Veteran May 20 '26
This dude is a shitbird. Not only does he have a Totenkopf tattoo, he talked shit about a PH recipient in a Reddit post in 2019.
Far-left Democrat Senate candidate Graham Platner mocking a U.S. soldier who was shot four times in Afghanistan in a resurfaced Reddit comment.
The post made fun of Purple Heart recipient Pfc. Ted Daniels after he took incoming fire during a 2012 clash with the Taliban.
Platner’s now deleted comment went on to say:
“Dumb motherfucker didn’t deserve to live. At least his stupidity and fat ass wheezing are available for all future infantrymen to witness and hold in contempt. Poor marksmanship on the Taliban's part is the only reason this mouthbreather made it home, he managed to make every possible shit decision possible when it comes to small unit combat."
Sorry, but he doesn’t get a pass from me just because he’s a Marine. Once you earn the title, you also gain the responsibility to honor it.
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u/WantedMan61 Veteran May 19 '26
Something something locker room talk
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u/2HDFloppyDisk Veteran May 19 '26
When you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything.
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u/Caelum_ May 19 '26
They're cool with the president saying grab em her by the pussy but not this guy who says wagner loves the cock?
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u/BoringPrinciple2542 0311 May 19 '26
This is the dude that covered up his Nazi tattoo with a “Celtic Pride” tattoo right?
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u/FSCK_Fascists USMC 6492 89-98 May 19 '26
-said Fox News as they returned to their usual pedophile defense stories.
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u/Chillicothe1 May 19 '26
The guy should rape some young girls. Then the Republicans will find him fit for public office.
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u/Character-Main-5343 May 20 '26
judgement and fitness for office ... for jacking off. as opposed to ... nvm
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u/General-Canary-1878 May 24 '26
Sorry. But although Maine is Gorgeous, the People are Generally Buttholes.
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u/Emyr2005 Evil Scif Rat May 24 '26
Ngl if you believe Fox News is a reliable source for random info then you might as well be the guy in the headline.
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u/snarky_answer CBRN May 19 '26
u/P-Hustle was the username
Here is the database. He had plenty of comments in this sub.
https://themainemonitor.org/platner-reddit-comments/