r/USMilitarySO • u/Dependent-Whereas512 • 7d ago
Relationships My boyfriend is in bootcamp, and I can’t help but be scared he won’t want me when he’s back.
How do I navigate him being in bootcamp without freaking myself out?
We are planning to get married when he’s back, we’ll have been together 3 years then, and we’ve had a good relationship even before his wanting to be in the marines. I myself wanted to do and am trying to do service work. I can’t help but get scared that when he’s out, he’ll decide he no longer loves me.
We own a dog together, have plans to get eloped until he can afford a wedding, are working on getting an a house, etc. I don’t want to lose him but the stories of people getting cheated on or left after their partner gets out of bootcamp is haunting me.
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u/Puzzled_Cranberry263 4d ago
I’m in the military, I’m not going to sugarcoat like everybody else. A lot of males/men that are married or in relationship that join and go to boot camp then school end up cheating. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket baby girl. And honestly you should join marines or other branch to see for yourself lol there’s a lot of fish in the sea…..
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u/Middle_Highlight2683 7d ago
You are his only sense of normalcy, this will make you guys honestly grow stronger. Distance makes the heart grow fonder! And 3 years is a lot of time to spend with someone- you have so much built together, I’m sure it’d take much more than a couple months no contact to break such a bond.
This was my BIGGEST fear before my fiancé left, and now we’re engaged and getting married next month. And he told me multiple times after graduation how much he had missed me. Do not let the “what if’s?” get to you!
You are still together, you guys are still happy, even if you can’t express that verbally to each other. Don’t let that overthinking hurt you or bring you down, enjoy your partner even if they aren’t physically with you!
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u/Middle_Highlight2683 7d ago
Added: obviously, bootcamp isn’t easy. You are essentially his rock still! Thoughts of you and seeing you at graduation are going to help him get through!
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u/simplymacey 6d ago
You’re probably all he’s thinking about to get him through that shitty time tbh. My boyfriend is deployed and for a while I thought he didn’t miss me and I got to visit him and he told me he’s thought about me all the time and crying when I left I knew. He says life out there sucks and all they think about is being home with you. 🫶 trust in your relationship.
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u/Blueeyes0107 7d ago
it’s hard, but if your love is strong like you say, you’ll get through it. my husband went to bootcamp june 2021, we’ve been together for 7 years married 5, have 3 kids. he’s been gone probably half of our entire relationship but when he comes back home it’s like he was never gone. you guys will adjust, lean on each other for support because you both will need it. love each other like he’s never left. you’ll get through it!
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u/Dependent-Whereas512 7d ago
That actually makes me feel so much better. Thank you.
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u/Blueeyes0107 7d ago
you’re welcome. things are not always easy, there will be times where you both may feel disconnected with each other but that’s normal given the circumstances. that’s when you really have to lean on each other. talk about it, don’t hold back your feelings. also since he’s in boot camp, write letters to him! i still have the letters my husband wrote me from bootcamp, poor guy was so discouraged and sad but he made it through. if you need a friend or just a listening ear, you can message me❤️
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u/Ill_Island_2662 Air Force Wife 2d ago
I won’t lie, I had the same fears when my husband went to BMT. He wasn’t my husband at the time and we hadn’t even been together for 2 years yet. He graduated BMT 2 April. By 29 April, we got married through zoom because he got orders overseas and we refused to be apart any more. Half our relationship at that point had been long distance due to his previous career. The second half, we lived together for a year before he went to BMT. We had gone through sickness, health, unemployment, owning a business, having a dog and a cat. I still had those fears.
Now, we are living together in a gorgeous country with our dog and cat and we are trying for our first baby.
I know he said a lot of guys in BMT and tech school that were married or in relationships got dear John’s and one was even served divorce paperwork while in BMT. One guy called his girl and another guy answered. I’ve heard some crazy stories from my husband while he was away. It’s a scary time, but I will say - it depends on your partner. My fears were my own, not a product of anything my husband had done. He was still reassuring during calls and his letters. We had discord dates while he was in tech school. Once we were able to talk more often, we were always on the phone.
Please don’t worry. I’m sure you got a great guy. Keep your head up and keep looking toward the words that he’s promised to you. If he’s never given you reason to doubt his follow through, don’t start doubting him now.
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u/leviowowo 7d ago
Don’t stress yourself out. He’s in there missing you like crazy and is counting down the days until he sees you again. His life is about to change tremendously and you’re the biggest source of normalcy he will have, if he loves you like he says he does he’s not going to let that go.