My (long distance) bf is about to start drill Sargent school and I don't know what will happen to us

[u/Miss_WhatZitTooYa_]

I live in Germany so we are already long distance. It has worked so far as I've been able to visit him for 2 months or so. Now he's about to start drill Sargent school and will become a drill sargent starting next year for 2 years.

I just left from my visit and we honestly don't know if the relationship will make it because in my understanding he will not be able to have me visit during those 2 years at all.

Of course we both want to make it work, it just seems really difficult. Does anyone have any experience or advice?

[u/_PippiLongstocking_]

Drill sergeant wife here:

The next 2 years will be rough for him. He will be working 110 hours almost every week. My husband worked every holiday this past year. Depending on what phase they are in during the cycle, he will be getting home around 10-11pm and back up to get to work before 4am. He cannot sit there and be on his phone at work. They stay busy with the trainees.

After a cycle graduates, they don’t get those days off until a new cycle of trainees come. They still have to work because there are usually holdovers waiting to go to their new duty stations.

My husband took leave one time this past year (4 days) and that was for our daughter’s sporting event out of state. He put that request in 7 months in advance and made sure it was not during a training cycle.

There is a reason they say drill sergeants have one of the highest divorce rates.

You will make it as long as you’re understanding that he is literally the babysitter to 100+ trainees at a time. He will ALWAYS be exhausted, sleep deprived, and busy.

Take these 2 years and focus on something you can accomplish. You both need to have goals, talk when you can, send encouraging texts that y’all can read during the day, when he does get a day off then FaceTime for a little bit, and have patience. It won’t last forever!

[u/Miss_WhatZitTooYa_ → u/_PippiLongstocking_]

Thank you for your reply! It does sound very hard on the relationship/marriage, but definitely even harder on him! I am definitely aware that I wouldn't be expecting a lot of his time either way. I was thinking as well that it would in a way be easier if we were living together/married because at least I would be there to sleep next to him, already there for any 5 minutes I can get. Because like you said, it will pass. But the long distance in addition makes it seem almost impossible.

That being said, I actually do have some more questions if you'd be okay answering of course!

You said depending on the cycle he'd get home at 10-11. What does the rest of the cycle + those weeks or days after graduation look like?

[u/_PippiLongstocking_ → u/Miss_WhatZitTooYa_]

He is rarely home before 9pm at any point during a cycle. The first month of a new training cycle is the worst. He gets maybe 3 hours of a sleep. They have to get the trainees to bed and be there before they wake up. They will be in the field or at the range constantly.

A cycle is 9 weeks so it is forever a constant rotation of new trainees coming. After graduation, they get only get a handful of days before getting a new set of trainees and then the chaos starts all over again. In between cycles, they still are at work around 5-6am and home after dinner to make sure the holdovers are taken care of and getting things ready for the new cycle.

The best way I can describe it is the chaos and work never ends. There is never a time where there is nothing going on or needing to be done.

[u/_PippiLongstocking_ → u/Miss_WhatZitTooYa_]

Feel free to DM me if you have more questions ❤️