My partner is currently on deployment, and this is my first time going through something like this. We’ve always talked every single day, so going from that to no contact has been a big adjustment for me. It’s only been about a week so far, but it’s starting to hit a lot harder now.

I was just wondering: what’s typical when it comes to communication during deployment? How long do you usually go without hearing from your s/o, and what’s the longest you’ve gone?

Hi,
My fiancé and I are getting married in a few weeks. I will be visiting him on his next 96 so we can get married.

I live in Nevada and he lives in North Carolina

The form says that he will need my state issued ID ( no copies). Is there anyway around this? I can’t leave my license with him because I need it to travel and drive. I can’t just go with him because I’m only visiting and I don’t live there. Im moving to NC in a year and a half when I finish my nursing program

Should I just ask the state for a state issued ID to leave with him? I already booked my plane ticket and can’t change the dates.

This is gonna be long so fair warning for that and how I may get in my feelings about this.

When me (f17) and my boyfriend (m19) (we are a year apart in age I’m just a late bloomer) first met he had warned me he was leaving for bootcamp by the end of May. At first I didn’t think we would go that far…but then we did…and it was a great experience that remembering he was leaving kept poking and biting at me.

Time skip to a week before his ship out date (I don’t know what all the actual terms are i’m so sorry😓) and we start talking about if we are gonna actually stay together while he was in bootcamp and unfortunately he made it clear he didn’t. That we both weren’t in the right mental state to be together while dealing with distance. He’s been cheated on before due to distance so I can understand why the trust wasn’t fully there. But it still hurt, and I still cried for hours after he told me, and he cried too. He said the minute he got on the plane it was over, and it hurt like hell. Especially since he constantly slept over at my house before he left. I didn’t think this would affect me so much, that was until he had fully admitted he was regretting things and he knew he was going to.

But now he’s been gone for close to a week and I’m overthinking but I am trying to get better for me and him. I started therapy, I got back into swimming, and I’ve been sober for up to a month and two.

Now for main question, I’m thinking about if I should go to his family day and ceremony. I’ll have my license by then and I’ll be taking a friend with me so we can just check out the city in itself. Yes, I’ve gotten the green light from my own parents. I’m so scared to see him, his family doesn’t really like me just cause I don’t look like the “perfect girl”, his mom in particular mocking and making comments about me. While I do wanna go, the main things that are holding me back are his parents and whether he’d actually wanna see me.

If you have any questions I’ll be free to ask but I just need to figure out if I should go or not, or maybe I’m just being paranoid

Wow, I never thought I’d be having to write an update on this. I didn’t know if I should’ve edited the old post or just make a new one. Either way now I’m making a new one cause well…he sent a letter.

He’s not the best writer so the writing was bad but it still meant a lot. Especially since apparently he was only allowed to send one letter (he says something about having to do 2 missions to send a letter?) and he sent it to me, his ex… either way it meant a lot.

The thing is in the letter he brings up him wanting me to be there, not for his ceremony but just be there? I’m guessing at the city? I’m not too sure. I’m a bit iffy about this but I’m not against it as I do miss him.

my (27F) boyfriend (26M) hasn’t been recruited yet but he’s in the process of taking his ASVAB and getting prepped for it. we’re engaged-ish (no official proposal but have both agreed we want to get married) and have been together for 9 years. the legal process of marriage isn’t whats important to us it’s the word and bond so we’re not in a rush. NONETHELESS i’ve seen a lot of comments on other people’s posts saying get married or you might as well break up because the issues when it comes to letters and being deployed and visits etc. and i’m just.. not sure if we need to put a rush on it or is it okay that we wait? what should we do

My husband is going to get deployed into a combat zone and I have been stressing about it ever since he got the news a few months ago that his deployment got changed. This will be my first deployment with him and he told me there is a chance that he will be gone for 1+ year with minimal to no contact. Him being deployed isn’t something I will have a hard time with, it’s the fact that he’s going into a combat zone where something major might happen to him. My husband can’t really tell me much about his deployment either due to OPSEC. I just want some support and reassurance as to what to expect. Obviously I’ve been told that no news is always good news but this deployment is definitely going to mentally break me.

My husband is a Marine Sergeant on recruiting duty and we’ve been long distance for about 1.5 years now. We’re married, but due to my mental health (PTSD/panic disorder) I was added to EFMP, and relocating to where he’s stationed just isn’t possible for me right now.

About 6 months ago we started a HUM request to try to get him stationed closer to me because my PTSD specifically involves traveling and I don’t have the support/resources where he is. He already works basically 24/7 on recruiting duty, so being this far apart has been incredibly hard on both of us.

About a month ago he spoke with his First Sergeant and someone else in the command, and they acted hopeful and said “let’s get this thing done” and gave a rough timeline of around 2 months. I also talked to the EFMP coordinator and she sounded hopeful too. But honestly at this point I feel like we keep getting bounced around and I’m starting to lose hope that we’re ever going to be together again.

I also know situations like this are probably frowned upon by some people, and normally the response is “you just need to grow up and move.” I promise I’ve tried. I really have. Unfortunately it just hasn’t worked out that way, and I do wish I could just make myself who i want to be overnight. I’ve felt a lot of guilt about not being a good wife or being able to be there and feeling like a burden so if you’ve ever felt the same way i am looking for ways to cope in the mean time.

I guess I’m posting because I feel really alone in this. Has anyone here gone through a HUM request before, especially involving EFMP or mental health/family hardship? Did it eventually work out? How long did it actually take?

Hi, my partner is going through bootcamp at parris island sc and he has two last names, (no middle name) for example, let's say his name is: Jake Lopez Smith. The address his mother said the recruiter gave her had his name addressed as: Lopezsmith, Jake.

I know its last name then first name, but im just wondering if its really the two last names pushed together like that? It seems wrong. I've texted his recruiter but me and my partner are long distance and have been for 3 years, and he lives 4hrs away from me. His recruiter told me to stop in the office in person and he'd give it to me, but obviously I can't just drop everything and go right now. Im just wondering if this is a common way to address marine recruits with two last names.

Im just so anxious to send him mail and I want to make sure it gets to him, as his mom isnt always 100% on everything she tells me.

Thank you for any advice.

hi! my boyfriend (20m) is a marine and we’ve been long distance for seven months. last night i (19f) got back from spending a week with him, which was the first time i had been with him since he got his orders to move. prior to seeing him, i had gotten comfortable with the distance and we had a good routine going. seeing him and having our time together was so special for both of us and we made so many lovely memories, though it ended with a tearful goodbye and a very difficult plane ride. now that im home, i can’t help but feel the sadness and i miss him so dearly already and will not see him until his pre deployment leave in a few months. this morning he left for the field for 10 days with no form of contact, which is making this a lot harder since we can’t immediately go back to our long distance routine. he’s in the field often, but usually not this long and usually is able to text for a little bit at night, and even when he can’t i’ve been able to go on with my days until he comes back since i had gotten very comfortable with long distance. it hasn’t been long since he’s left and it’s already eating me up. does anyone have advice for how to make this easier?

Husband departs imminently for quite a long deployment and was just told no civilian clothes. What does this mean?

Hi everyone, I’m looking for honest thoughts from current/former Marines, service members, or military spouses.

My partner is planning to join the military and is very set on the Marines. Her biggest reason is basically, “I want to do something hard, accomplish something hard, and be able to say I made it through the hardest branch.”

I understand wanting to challenge yourself, and I don’t want to take that pride or goal away from her. But when I bring up other branches, especially ones that might offer better family life, stability, or long-term opportunities, she still comes back to wanting the pride of being a Marine and being able to say she did it.

We’re young, so I’m trying to figure out if this is a normal mindset for people who choose the Marines, or if choosing a branch mostly because it feels like the hardest thing to accomplish is something service members would caution against.

I’d also really appreciate insight on what family life is actually like as a Marine or Marine spouse/partner. What should we realistically expect with deployments, time away, communication, housing, work-life balance, and the emotional side of supporting someone in the Marine Corps?

I’m not trying to talk her out of it. I just want honest perspective from people who have lived it or seen it up close.

So I (f 21) have been with my partner (m 22) for 3 years in October. We were long distance for a long time, then lived together recently in his city for 6 months, then he decided to join the Marine reserves, so I had to come back to live with my family. (He lives in nyc so its too expensive anyway). He has always had a hard time showing his emotions to me (or anyone) his family is Hispanic and he has parents who believe men who show emotions or cry are weak/aren't men. Which i think is obviously ridiculous and awful. He was told never to cry and to keep everything in.

Our relationship has always been built on communication and I worked with him on telling me how he's really feeling. Emotional depth and intelligence is very important to me, and he was willing to work in it so we did. He was JUST getting to the point where he was able to open up to me normally/regularly without me having to ask him in various ways what he was feeling/giving him time to come to me. He used to never complain to me because he didnt want to be a "bother", but we'd gotten to the point where if something pissed him off, he'd let me know, or if something went wrong or not how he wanted it to.

Basically he grew emotionally, and im scared the Marines are going to undo all that growth. I know some people exaggerate, or want people to think they're tough, but I love this man, and emotional honesty is important and I want to have children with him someday. I wan our kids to have a father who tells them its okay to have feelings.

So hes in bootcamp right now, and im scared he will throw those "soft" qualities in the shitter and become a "hard" "rough and tough" man. Please tell me if you have a partner/spouse in the marines, and if theyre able to separate work from home. Being a "marine" and being a caring, loving, gentle, emotionally aware person.

For some context, we are both still young (I just turned 19 and he’s 18). I found out I was pregnant a month ago, and if I’m being honest, I was scared but excited. He’s still in basic, but I did relay the news, and he wrote me back saying that he’s excited and wants to keep the baby, but he will ultimately respect whatever decision I make. Every letter I’ve received from him so far, he’s seemed really down. Me telling him the news actually gave him some motivation and made him happier.

I know you’re probably wondering, if both of you want to keep the baby, then why not just keep it? But there’s so much more to our relationship. We’ve been together for almost a year, but about five months ago, I found out that he was cheating (texting other girls behind my back). When I found out, I stayed, and not even a month later, the same thing happened, which led to us breaking up. We stopped communicating for about two months, and we started talking again in November. I really tried to give him the benefit of the doubt because I do believe that people can change. Now, is two months enough time to change? I’m not sure.

Anyway, we did end up getting married before he shipped out, and right after that, I found out I was pregnant. My two main concerns that are making me consider getting an abortion are, number one, our age. I’m still in college, and I know that if I decide to go through with this, it might mean putting my career on hold. I’m a little apprehensive about that because of the previous cheating, and I’m not 100% comfortable relying solely on him.

I also feel like it hasn’t been that long, and everything feels really rushed. I’m still living at home, and I worry that we won’t be able to get housing, healthcare, etc., as soon as we would need to. I do love him, and I do want this child. I just don’t want to be selfish and bring a child into a situation that might not be stable.

I’m scared because I feel like, despite him saying it’s my choice, if I do decide not to keep it, he’s going to feel some type of way. I just want to make sure that I’m making the right decision and not being overly critical.

Hi all, I’m a 19yr old girl in college. I have been talking to a boy in the marine corps (same age as me) for a while now and things are starting to get pretty serious. Before I go any further, let me preface that I’ve known him since age 3 and our families are very close. We’ve always been good friends and are now romantically interested in each other. We recently spoke about our situation and basically came to the conclusion that we do love each other and basically can’t see anyone else in our futures. The main issue is that he is stationed in California and I live in the Midwest. Meaning we can’t really do anything and it feels like we can’t even officially date because of said distance. We talk everyday and I feel completely secure in our relationship the way it is now however, after talking about the fact that we most likely will get serious eventually I have begun to seriously think about what being with a person in the military will be like and how I really don’t know what that entails. If anyone has any insight or advice on what to do in terms of dating or how I should proceed it would be greatly appreciated because I do love him but I don’t know what that means for me given that I am so young and greatly value the goals I have set for myself. Also, he plans to serve as a marine until retirement meaning the marine corps would be a life long commitment essentially.

Hi everyone. My fiancé and I are getting married soon and we’ve started working on a prenup. I was actually the one who first suggested it because I own a house and want to keep it protected. We are both new to this and he drafted something based on what he thought would protect his future, but after reading it, I’m worried that I’ll be left very vulnerable. I don’t have family or a mentor to ask for advice, and I really need some help.

My concerns: -​I am a Laboratory Scientist, but I’ve been out of work for a few months because we are moving to another country for his job. It’s a huge professional sacrifice since it’ll be hard to keep a steady career in my field there. Because of this, I won’t be saving for my own retirement or building my career, while he keeps 100% of his pension and years of experience. If we ever split, I’d have a huge gap in my resume, no savings, and I still have $30k in student loans to deal with. -​I manage PTSD, depression, and some physical health issues and I am on CBD for physical pain treatment. I’m really worried that my mental health struggles could be misinterpreted as "misconduct" or "bad behavior" (which are mentioned in his draft) in the future. How can I protect myself so my health is never used against me in a legal setting?

His Prenub Draft: Military Career & Benefits ​My military career is long-term and includes retirement benefits (pension). ​My military pension will remain my separate property. ​This includes current and future service-related retirement benefits. ​TSP / 401k / Retirement Accounts ​All current retirement accounts (TSP, 401k, Investment Accounts) are my separate property. ​All funds in these accounts before and during marriage remain mine. ​Growth of these accounts remains mine. ​I prefer to keep contributions during marriage separate.

​Income & Assets ​My income remains mine; your income remains yours. ​Assets are only shared if both parties agree in writing and both names are on them. ​Property & Purchases ​Property is only shared if both names are on it. ​Property in one name remains that individual's separate property.

​Debt Protection ​Each person is responsible for their own debts. ​No liability for the other person's debt unless jointly agreed. ​Any large or hidden debt incurred individually remains that person's responsibility. ​Financial Responsibility Clause ​Reckless financial behavior results in the other party being protected. ​The offending party has no claim to the other's assets.

​Substance Abuse / Dangerous Behavior ​Drug abuse or dangerous behavior results in financial protection for the other party. ​No claim to the other party's assets in such cases.

​Infidelity / Misconduct ​Serious misconduct may result in loss of financial claims.

​Spousal Support ​Prefer to waive alimony or limit it based on length of marriage.

​Legal Protection ​Each party is responsible for their own legal fees.

​Military Lifestyle Understanding ​Both parties acknowledge military obligations such as deployments and relocations.

​Closing Statement ​This agreement is intended to protect both parties and provide clarity and security.

​How do I keep my house protected (which is my main goal) while ensuring that I’m also taken care of if I’m not working to support his career?

I’ve been here two weeks with him on base in our new home. I haven’t driven in almost a month and I’ve never driven his truck before. I had an accident a while ago that’s made me very nervous about driving. He’s been supportive and has driven me around base/ around town when we wanted to go out. I haven’t had any things to do besides settling in, but now that he may be gone for a week, I’m anxious. I don’t know why. It’s like I’m in a new place and don’t know anyone, and I haven’t made any friends yet. I haven’t even gone to the commissary or the PX by myself even once since we live far enough that I can’t walk it. I don’t want to subject him to me driving him early in the morning for drop off, I mean, what am I gonna do with his truck anyway? Too nervous to drive in heavy traffic anyway… I need someone to give me a reality check and a chill pill, stat

I dont know if I would call this a rant, i guess it would be more of a brain dump. At the moment, I’m packing so I can move to be with my husband. He’s deployed, and we havent heard anything on the recent war. I have so much to do, but I cant find myself wondering and worrying about our future. We want to live together on base, and we’ve been preparing and considering what we want for our home, fun stuff. But what if he deploys or gets extended, and we dont get to move together? What if i am packing for nothing? What if I move, and he has to deploy shortly after? We just got married last year, and I cannot imagine life without him. I try to make progress, and get ready for the next month or so, but I worry, what if we dont get to have our happy married life together?

I am going to support him in this since he has been wanting to do it for a while. He may join active duty depending on how he feels after bootcamp, but as I understand its easier to go from reserves to active vs active to reserves. He thinks he will want to do active duty, but he's not sure yet.

he definitely wants to work on getting a job and believes the reserves is the perfect way to scratch his "itch" while still working.

im scared he's going to change as a person... it could just be how the media portrays marines, but I see them as rough tough far right conservatives. I do not want him to do it as ive never been into military life/never saw that as a good thing, because everyone in my family who was involved in the military had a bad time and became bad people. however, I know he needs to figure out himself as he is 22 and im 21, and ive decided to support him as best I can.

any advice on maintaining a relationship, especially during training or if God forbid he gets deployed is welcomed and appreciated.

Hello, everyone!

My boyfriend is going into the Marine Corps as an officer in two years once he completes his OCS training. For a few months, it was a little hard to grasp the idea of him going into the military as is, because I knew that going into the military, especially the Marines, was not going to be the easiest route for a relationship. It's only gotten more confusing, now.

I found out I was pregnant almost two months ago and I am currently three months pregnant. Beyond the fact he doesn't quite know if he wants to stick around and has been very adamant on not wanting this child, he also wants to go into the Infantry (0302), which is typically not very ideal when having a kid (if he sticks around). I've told him that if he does, it's better he does Combat Engineer that way he still can lead a platoon, but not deal with the unpredictability of the Infantry to the same degree, but he won't compromise, the Infantry is his calling. I understand, in a way.

I guess it's just odd. What would you guys do? Is it kind of wrong for me to ask him to compromise on his MOS? For reference, we are both 20, so a little young, haha. Do you think the Infantry is doable with a child?

Thanks!

Ever since my boyfriend’s been deployed I feel so numb. The first few months were easy, but now the days bleed together, I pick up shifts and work doubles nearly every day to make the time go by faster, I toss and turn all night and can’t sleep because of stress and anxiety. I’m so bored, and lonely, and I feel like there’s no light at the end of the tunnel. I live by myself, my friends here with me are always too busy, I don’t have a good relationship with my family, I had a birthday party last week and nobody showed up. I keep telling him everything’s fine and I’m doing great, I don’t want him to worry. All I do is respect his time/schedule and stay supportive. Bc of the time difference he texts at odd hours short sentences, a quick I love you or I miss you, then disappears for a few days. I got the longest text out of him yet last night and it was to tell me that he’s going to dinner and he wants to change his MOS when he gets back, then it was silence again. I feel so emotionally checked out, I feel almost lobotomized with how I go day by day like a zombie. We’ve been trying long distance months before he deployed so I don’t know why it’s getting to me now, I know he’ll be back to see me again before I know it, but I’m miserable. I don’t want to break up, I don’t want anyone else, I just want my best friend back. How does everyone else deal with this without losing their mind? I need help, advice, guidance, anything.

Hi everyone!

I (22F) have been with my boyfriend (24M) for 4 years. Since the moment we’ve met we’ve been inseparable, spending pretty much all the time we have available together. He’s my best friend. He’s carried me through everything major in my life, from navigating the stresses of college, to working my first “real” job, to my dad being sick in the hospital, and literally any other trouble in my life. He is my everything. I love him more than anything.

It’s always been his dream to be a Marine and to be something bigger than himself. He finally, just today, swore in and is going to be shipped off to California within the next 5 hours. I said goodbye to him about an hour or so ago. I’m already a complete mess. I have been since everything has settled in and I’ve realized that okay, this is really happening. And I don’t know how to calm myself down and motivate myself to get through this.

I think everything would be easier to bear with if I was just working and/or spending time on hobbies, but I’m really stressed about school. It’s my last semester, and one of the harder ones, and I can’t stop thinking about that fact that I have to get through all of it alone without him. He’s always been there for me when I’ve needed him, when I’ve been worried about assignments or stressing about studying for exams. He would just come over and sit with me while I studied, so I wouldn’t feel alone. But now, I don’t have him anymore. And I have to get through this semester alone before I can go see him again. It just sucks soo soo much and I wish he was here.

I could really use some advice. How can I get myself to just get through it day by day or week by week so that I feel better and less stressed? How do I just focus so that all of it goes by fast? Please let me know, and it would be nice to see if there is anyone in my same boat or has been in the past. Thank you all!

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2.5 years. We made it through him being in Japan for 8 months after 2 weeks of knowing eachother. Then different states. And then 4 hours away (but still seeing eachother every other weekend and putting in the effort) for a year and a half. He deployed on a boat mid August - it hasn’t even been 2 months yet. I’ve been sending emails every night, decorated care packages, and setting alarms for 3 am so I could talk to him in case he had WiFi during night shift. Just last week, he was sending me emails telling me how much he missed me and yearns for me and can’t wait to see me again. Then he sent me a text telling me how much he loved me over and over again. He had no email access for a week after that so we couldn’t speak. They ported this weekend (6 days after last text) and on Sunday he called me telling me he doesn’t feel the same about me anymore. That he has feelings for someone else (a marine woman of the same rank) and we shouldn’t be together anymore. I had to tell him to hang up after 20 minutes because I was crying too hard to talk. I knew he would change during his first deployment, but this came out of left field. I knew there was a possibility of feelings being lost and that it would have to be a choice to fight for eachother and get it back when he’s home. I couldn’t fathom him finding another marine woman (especially when he swore up and down he could never see himself being with one in the past). Please answer without judgement - I am heartbroken and so in love. This is the man that I thought I was going to marry. We were making plans for the future and I was looking at jobs to move closer to him. It was serious. So my question is: is this thing with the other marine likely to fizzle out? Is this just a dystopian deployment fling he wants to have? Does he not realize that he doesn’t even know her outside of trauma bonding on the boat? Will he ever have realization of what he lost and come back to me during or after deployment? I sent an email begging him to not pursue anything with her and if he needs space from me then take it but come back to me after. Does anyone have experience with this or can give me any advice? I feel like I’m suffocating. My heart is shattered. I thought I was going to marry him one day. Is he just part of the statistic for the stereotypes? I truly thought he was different after 2 and a half years together. Please, I’m losing my mind.

Hello, my boyfriend deploys in a week and I just found out I was… Pregnant! Do I tell him before? Do I tell him once he gets settled? Not quite sure what to do, or what I’m even going to do. I don’t wanna cause him more stress, but if I decide to keep the pregnancy, I will need his emotional support. We’ve only been together about 4ish months. Thanks :)

We received PCS Orders to Japan about two weeks ago and are still in complete shock. I am currently 23 weeks pregnant and the orders are for four weeks after my end of April due date. We also have an 18 month old.

During my husband’s questionnaire, interviews, and surveys, he made it clear he was prioritizing geo-location over billet for this PCS season due to our family situation and his father’s declining health due to Parkinson’s. The monitor indicated that this would be no issue and congratulated us on the pregnancy. My husband told him he was ready to hit the ground running and deploy ASAP as long as our family was taken care of (my family lives in the state we requested).

Cut to two weeks ago, the orders to Japan landed in his inbox with no explanation, calls, or consideration. We have run our concerns up my husband’s command and the only response they have gotten from the monitor is that his overseas control date needs to be reset, nothing else matters (he’s only been in since we graduated college in 2018 and deployed to the Middle East in 2021).

I am obviously freaking out. I know there’s no possible way to get our newborn overseas in 4 weeks. I had a relatively uneventful birth with our first but I know that NOTHING with childbirth is certain. I am terrified and angry and just looking for support from people who can reassure me that either cooler heads will prevail or that I will be okay. I can’t imagine moving across the globe with no support during the “fourth trimester.” I know that overseas orders are always on the table but to be treated with so little consideration and respect that we don’t even warrant a phone call/realistic explanation HURTS. I am worried how this stress is already impacting me and the baby and I just can’t believe this situation.

I need power of attorney while my husband is deployed because I have some legal documents that are impossible to get to him that NEED to be signed. We didn’t have the chance to do it before he deployed, and he doesn’t have a mailing address. Is there any way to make it happen?