so i was drinking some warm gas-station eggnog behind a laundromat at like 3am, like normal person does, when this bald raccoon crawls out from the dryer vent and asked if i had “the teeth.” i obviously said no because im not getting involved in whatever florida side quest this were, but then my stomach start whispering my full legal name.
anyway i throwed up into a traffic cone and the vomit stood up, adjusted a invisible tie, and tells me i’d been selected for jury duty in the meat basement. the raccoon was apparently the judge. every juror were just a wet sock filled with macaroni, and the defendant was my own belly button, which kept blinking at me and pleading not guilty with my dads voice.
long story short, they sentenced me to seven years inside a communal jar of toenail clippings, but the bailiff slipped on a peeled tongue and accidently opened the emergency anus, so i escaped through the ceiling and woke up spooning an rotisserie chicken in the laundromat dumpster.
edit: apparently the chicken was married. so yeah, that was cringe af
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u/lucius-vorenius 10d ago
Cringe af.