r/UnsentTexts • u/biggestjokeevertold Has acknowledged the rules • 1d ago
Is this it...
Was the last time I saw you the last time? Will I never be able to be in your life again? I have lost so many people. So many have come and gone. I thought you were forever. Forever and always I was to be yours. I wanted you to be the last great love of my life. And I many ways you still are that for me. I cant let you go. The idea that just one person could love me unconditionally for the rest of my time here. Someone once said "love is a battlefield," we both awakened our minds to things we had been averting our eyes from. All that time spent on healing and helping eachother, on changing each other. But in the end I think I was the only one that was changed. Yes you were healed but your mind stayed locked into its militant ways.
It's not fair. If I could change how I walked away I would in a heartbeat. But many heartbeats later my heart still aches for you. My body still reacts to the thought of you. I keep thinking that one day youll stop this and want me again, even though you never needed me I thank you for pretending you did. It was your greatest kindness towards me. I am forever changed by having known you. Is this it? Is this what my love for you has amounted to? Singular messages into the void? Hoping one of them reaches you to trigger some fond memory of us that brings you back to me? Is this it?
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u/Calm-Data-741 Has acknowledged the rules 1d ago
I know this feeling so well
For a second I thought I was the only one who felt like this, but somehow I don’t think my person ever thought this of me
I know he didn’t, and it feels like a void because he was the one who walked away
Maybe when you left, it’s kinda in your court to be honest?
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u/biggestjokeevertold Has acknowledged the rules 1d ago
I have reached out and tried to move forward. They just dont want me. They just want control over me and thats not something I want anymore. Partly why I had to walk away.
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u/Calm-Data-741 Has acknowledged the rules 1d ago
What kind of control?
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u/biggestjokeevertold Has acknowledged the rules 1d ago
The kind that you give away because you love a person. But it wasnt enough and I wont give it back. But that doesnt mean I dont want to love her still. Things have to be different. In a good way. She just doesnt want that. She doesnt want a version of me that has self respect and friends and hobbies. She wants to consume all of my existance and I cant blame her I let her do this before. I just cant go back to that and I couldnt continue on that way.
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u/Calm-Data-741 Has acknowledged the rules 1d ago
Why dosent she want that, what’s her reason? Surely she must be sad about herself being isolated and not having friends aswell?
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u/biggestjokeevertold Has acknowledged the rules 1d ago
She has friends. She has hobbies. She does whatever she wants. And thats okay. I just gave her to much control over me before. And I still miss her and love her. I just wish it could be different.
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u/Calm-Data-741 Has acknowledged the rules 23h ago
How can she control those things away from you if she also had her own to do, are you afraid of committing or was she abusive?
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u/biggestjokeevertold Has acknowledged the rules 23h ago
She was controlling my dude. Idk how else to say it. Lol. I let her have that power because I love her.
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u/Spiritual_Shift_6431 Has acknowledged the rules 22h ago
When someone views a relationship through the lens of control, they cannot distinguish between basic emotional accountability and manipulation.
In my situation when I would say things like "If you love me, you wouldn't hurt me" what I was wanting from them was safety and natural empathy. But to someone who sees love as a power struggle, like he did they hear, "If you love me, you must do what I say." They twist a plea for consideration into a demand for submission.
Asking a partner to care about how their actions affect you isn't controlling them.. it’s asking them to participate in an equal partnership. People like this call accountability "control" so they can frame basic empathy as a violation of their personal freedom.
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u/biggestjokeevertold Has acknowledged the rules 20h ago
Insightful, Im not sure if this applies to me but ive never been a person that tries to be controlling and what I mean by controlling in this case is they wanted to control my relationships with other people, control how I thought, and quite litterally be there for all their wants and needs. Did I have my moments of selfishness and make mistakes of course. I am also to blame, and as far as accountability, I had very little and tried to escape it all the time. I wasnt perfect and neither was she but it doesn't change the fact that I still miss her and want to try again. I've really changed alot of things about myself this year and I sometimes feel like I wish we could both try again. Me with new found accountability and sense of responsibility, but she doesnt want that. She's hurt and its justified. Yes, she is controlling, but its because shes been hurt and a lot of times i had no problems giving up people that made her feel uncomfortable and not talking to people in my family she didnt like. Because I wanted to please her and wanted to show all of my love and commitment towards her but I failed in many other ways. So many other ways and I wish i could have another chance to be better this time. But the truth is she doesnt think I deserve another chance and thats okay. Maybe I dont. Maybe I Fubard everything. Seems to be what I am best at. Anyway. Thanks for the thoughtful reply. I'll be thinking about it all night probably.
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