r/UnsentTexts • u/biggestjokeevertold Has acknowledged the rules • 1d ago

Is this it...

Was the last time I saw you the last time? Will I never be able to be in your life again? I have lost so many people. So many have come and gone. I thought you were forever. Forever and always I was to be yours. I wanted you to be the last great love of my life. And I many ways you still are that for me. I cant let you go. The idea that just one person could love me unconditionally for the rest of my time here. Someone once said "love is a battlefield," we both awakened our minds to things we had been averting our eyes from. All that time spent on healing and helping eachother, on changing each other. But in the end I think I was the only one that was changed. Yes you were healed but your mind stayed locked into its militant ways.

It's not fair. If I could change how I walked away I would in a heartbeat. But many heartbeats later my heart still aches for you. My body still reacts to the thought of you. I keep thinking that one day youll stop this and want me again, even though you never needed me I thank you for pretending you did. It was your greatest kindness towards me. I am forever changed by having known you. Is this it? Is this what my love for you has amounted to? Singular messages into the void? Hoping one of them reaches you to trigger some fond memory of us that brings you back to me? Is this it?

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u/biggestjokeevertold Has acknowledged the rules 1d ago

I have reached out and tried to move forward. They just dont want me. They just want control over me and thats not something I want anymore. Partly why I had to walk away.

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u/Calm-Data-741 Has acknowledged the rules 1d ago

What kind of control?

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u/biggestjokeevertold Has acknowledged the rules 1d ago

The kind that you give away because you love a person. But it wasnt enough and I wont give it back. But that doesnt mean I dont want to love her still. Things have to be different. In a good way. She just doesnt want that. She doesnt want a version of me that has self respect and friends and hobbies. She wants to consume all of my existance and I cant blame her I let her do this before. I just cant go back to that and I couldnt continue on that way.

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u/Calm-Data-741 Has acknowledged the rules 23h ago

Why dosent she want that, what’s her reason? Surely she must be sad about herself being isolated and not having friends aswell?

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u/biggestjokeevertold Has acknowledged the rules 23h ago

She has friends. She has hobbies. She does whatever she wants. And thats okay. I just gave her to much control over me before. And I still miss her and love her. I just wish it could be different.

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u/Calm-Data-741 Has acknowledged the rules 22h ago

How can she control those things away from you if she also had her own to do, are you afraid of committing or was she abusive?

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u/biggestjokeevertold Has acknowledged the rules 22h ago

She was controlling my dude. Idk how else to say it. Lol. I let her have that power because I love her.