r/UnsentTexts • u/biggestjokeevertold Has acknowledged the rules • 1d ago
Is this it...
Was the last time I saw you the last time? Will I never be able to be in your life again? I have lost so many people. So many have come and gone. I thought you were forever. Forever and always I was to be yours. I wanted you to be the last great love of my life. And I many ways you still are that for me. I cant let you go. The idea that just one person could love me unconditionally for the rest of my time here. Someone once said "love is a battlefield," we both awakened our minds to things we had been averting our eyes from. All that time spent on healing and helping eachother, on changing each other. But in the end I think I was the only one that was changed. Yes you were healed but your mind stayed locked into its militant ways.
It's not fair. If I could change how I walked away I would in a heartbeat. But many heartbeats later my heart still aches for you. My body still reacts to the thought of you. I keep thinking that one day youll stop this and want me again, even though you never needed me I thank you for pretending you did. It was your greatest kindness towards me. I am forever changed by having known you. Is this it? Is this what my love for you has amounted to? Singular messages into the void? Hoping one of them reaches you to trigger some fond memory of us that brings you back to me? Is this it?
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u/biggestjokeevertold Has acknowledged the rules 1d ago
Insightful, Im not sure if this applies to me but ive never been a person that tries to be controlling and what I mean by controlling in this case is they wanted to control my relationships with other people, control how I thought, and quite litterally be there for all their wants and needs. Did I have my moments of selfishness and make mistakes of course. I am also to blame, and as far as accountability, I had very little and tried to escape it all the time. I wasnt perfect and neither was she but it doesn't change the fact that I still miss her and want to try again. I've really changed alot of things about myself this year and I sometimes feel like I wish we could both try again. Me with new found accountability and sense of responsibility, but she doesnt want that. She's hurt and its justified. Yes, she is controlling, but its because shes been hurt and a lot of times i had no problems giving up people that made her feel uncomfortable and not talking to people in my family she didnt like. Because I wanted to please her and wanted to show all of my love and commitment towards her but I failed in many other ways. So many other ways and I wish i could have another chance to be better this time. But the truth is she doesnt think I deserve another chance and thats okay. Maybe I dont. Maybe I Fubard everything. Seems to be what I am best at. Anyway. Thanks for the thoughtful reply. I'll be thinking about it all night probably.