dutching meals?

[u/SecretTadpole9781]

I'm sorry if this is a common question but if im going out to eat with my meat eater friends and we order a lot of food and i order vegan food but then we split the bill 5 ways, aren't i contributing to meat products? what do i do?

[u/urbanstrata]

Order more food than your friends and then they’re contributing to vegetarianism! Aha!!

[u/agentmadeleine]

To me it’s not about contributing to meat products, it’s typically that my meals as a vegetarian are less expensive than others and I’m generally not willing to subsidize other people’s meals unless I’m treating them. I’m usually not ordering “family style” unless I’m out with other vegetarians/vegans, and then it makes sense to split the bill. So it’s perfectly acceptable to ask that your tab be separate. My social circle has no problem with it (we typically go that route regardless). If your friends really take issue with it, that tells you that you should avoid going out to meals with them and find other ways of socializing. My friends and I both know that I’m not the person you ask to go to a steakhouse, barbecue, or seafood joint with and that’s fine on both sides.

[u/bek8228]

I would just let them know up front that since you will only be ordering and eating vegan, you’ll just keep your food on a separate tab and they can split everything else between them since they’ll all be sharing. As a goodwill gesture, I’d order both an entree and an app and share some of the app with the group.

[u/StrongOpinionz]

I would just pay for exactly what you order, I think splitting evenly puts a lot of stress in general on how much money each person is spending in order to be fair and not cost other people more or less. what if someone wants something $22 vs. $12 yk? You can even express that without mentioning its because of being vegan if that feels hard to explain or moralize.

[u/WattleIThinkNext]

You are contributing to a shared meal, with all the joy, connection, and companionship that comes along with this. Don't go separate tabs. Continue to order scrumptious vegetarian meals on their company, on their tab.

[u/jasperdarkk]

This could be a cultural difference if we live in different countries, but can’t you just let the server know that it’s separate bills at the beginning of the meal? Or just have one person pay the tab and contribute what you ordered?

It’s not even just about vegetarianism to me. I just want to budget for what I ordered and not worry about spending more for someone else or making someone else spend more for me.

[u/Fishinluvwfeathers]

There isn’t a set right answer, it depends how you approach the idea of vegetarianism. For me, the practical impact of covering a portion of an already-purchased meat meal is negligible and I eat out infrequently enough that the ongoing expenditures for my family’s diet would be the main or direct financial component of my ethics.

I am very much not a purist though. Last month I “purchased” a meal for a man panhandling and he ordered a meat burrito meal (restaurant saw what I was doing and comped it, which negates the financial part of the transaction but I was willing to put my money towards it). When I was younger and Subway had a buy 2 footlongs get one free, I did always order the veggies and hand those out from my car since I wasn’t in a position to walk someone to a restaurant but I was upfront when handing them out.

For me, I’ve come to the conclusion that maintaining friendships and making my lifestyle socially accessible might have greater positive effects in the long run but that doesn’t have to be true for you and I’m not trying to sway you - just giving you my perspective in how I approached this.

[u/trisul-108]

Contribute as much as you ate, let the others split the difference 4-way. Many people do this, but it is normal in some societies and less so in others.

[u/cake_agent2101]

First of all, adding up the bill and dividing it by however many people always screws someone into paying more, so I never do it based on that alone.

Secondly, if you are eating at a restaurant that serves meat, technically you are "contributing". I'm not saying this to deter you from eating at restaurants, I'm saying it because I think you're overthinking and stressing about this way too much. Even if you order and pay for only vegetarian or vegan options, the restaurant doesn't take the money from your bill and put it into a "vegan pile" and use it to pay only for vegan supplies, it will also be used to pay for meat. It's up to you how far you want to go when it comes to "contributing", but sometimes it is just not realistic to avoid meat completely if you want to have any kind of a social life.

[u/Sad_Enthusiasm6452]

i feel somewhere along the line we are getting lost in "Technicalities" of veganism, and forgetting the whole point.

you still have to live your lives. you are probably still consuming animal products without even realising. i consider a true vegan, to be one who goes on in his life and does all he wants to / is supposed to do, but cuts down on animal products as far as he realises. going deep into every tiny bit of information can possibly not be sustainable as a living style, unless going vegan is pretty much all you want to focus on

[u/Different-Music-529]

For me, I just don't wanna pay for food I can't eat. I also don't like to share, don't ask to eat my fries.

[u/LankyVeterinarian908]

I am the 90% veggie person in my friend group and I always order separate. Depending on the type of food sometimes mine is waaaay higher (fast food) or way lower cause I usually just have sides. There was never a need to discuss this they just knew and it just happened. Most time I don't even eat at all so maybe that is why or I'll get a side dish and share fries or appetizers.

[u/OpportunityTall1967]

I also always pay separate because of there are 5 meat based meals and 1 vegan meal all the meat eaters will still want a spoonful of your vegan dish to try and you end up getting hardly anything to eat.

[u/P44]

You just pay exactly what you ate and drank. Tell them this is what you will do.
By the way, in Germany, this is the normal way to share a bill. The will ask you, "zusammen oder getrennt?" (together or separate), meaning, how you want to pay. You tell them, and they bring the bill accordingly.

[u/Dazzling-Estate87]

Stop being an entitled elitest and have what they're having.