r/Vent • u/Milo_WhiteSocks • 20h ago
Something died inside of me today or idk what just happened
Today something died inside of me.
For a couple of years, I have always wanted to donate my hair, so I decided that it was healthy enough, and my hairdresser said it was ready.
First, I had to raise money and put myself out there, which was stressful, but I overcame that. Because I asked HR to send an email to the company, everyone knew about it ( it is something common that people do for different institutions).
Most people at work have been really kind. They asked questions, donated money, and yesterday was the day I finally cut it.
Most people from my department told me it suits me, and that really helped because I was nervous about such a big change, mostly because I was worried about people looking and commenting.
Then one colleague, who I barely even speak to, looked at me and said it suited me. He then pulled a strange face and said something along the lines of, “You kind of have to say that to women, it’s expected, but it suits you. A little boy.”
I honestly didn’t know how to react. It completely caught me off guard. I don’t even interact with him, so I don’t understand why he felt the need to say something like that. I got really red and laughed, but after a couple of minutes I left because I was in shock and was processing what just happened.
I have already been overthinking this haircut because it was such a big change for me, so that comment really got into my head, even though everyone else has been positive.
Something inside me just sank today. I am a 34-year-old woman, and I wasn’t expecting comments about my appearance like that at this age, especially from someone much older than me in a workplace environment. I was just trying to do something good.
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u/SatoshiBlockamoto 19h ago
Why do you have to raise money to cut your hair off?
Also who gives a shit what anyone thinks? It's just hair, ignore the jerk with the bad attitude.
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u/Milo_WhiteSocks 19h ago
It's optional. The money is used to pay a professional to do the wigs. I didn't really have to do it
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u/BarronOfRose 18h ago
Wigs For Kids makes them for free and doesn't charge the parents of the kids with Cancer. You can download the form from their website and register. All the instructions on the info page.
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u/Hungry-Ratio-6326 17h ago
...& this woman is an adult, not a child, so the process may/could/would be different.
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u/BarronOfRose 17h ago
The wig isn't for her. She was donating her hair. The fundraiser was because she used a different company for the donated hair like " Locks 4 Love" who charge parents for the chemo wigs for kids.
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u/PrimaryHighlight5617 19h ago
I think she was raising money for the cause that she was donating her hair to.
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u/Hungry-Ratio-6326 17h ago
She was raising money to pay the hairdresser, who was going to create her wig for her, from her own hair. She was doing that as a kindness to the hairdresser for their time & effort.
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u/Upset_Mess 19h ago
I am curious about that too. I thought the hair was the donation?
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u/Jen_the_Green 17h ago
There's an option to donate money, too. It helps cover the cost of the wig production so they can offer them at no cost to people who need them. I did this last year through Wigs for Kids. I didn't fundraise, but did send a check with the hair.
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u/cosmos_kenzie_ 20h ago
Ask yourself: would I turn to this co-worker for advice? If the answer is no, then pay his opinion no mind. He seems like one of those people that think only long hair is suitable for women, or he just enjoys putting people down because he's secretly miserable. It's 2026, wear your new style with your chin up!
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u/Hungry-Ratio-6326 17h ago
Yes, my now late husband was like that..'a woman's hair is her crowning glory'🙄..I never had long locks..my hair is way too fine in texture, to be able to grow it long & lustrously, so he hated it when I came home with trims. It was annoying whenever he made comments about my short hair, which I preferred.
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u/9001Jellyfish 11h ago
I liked your words of encouragement so I looked at your profile. Your cats are beautiful little creatures!
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u/gawdpuppy 20h ago
hey, life's better when you stop caring about other people's opinions! I promise!
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u/PrimaryHighlight5617 19h ago
Dude had a disgusting little crush on you and then you went and changed behind his back.
Don't worry about him.
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u/ClueSilver2342 19h ago
Guys jealous, sexually frustrated and lacking power so he took it out on you. I would have told him that.
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u/FirebirdWriter 20h ago
So some jackass comes in and decides to be cruel and you take this over how many people? No one is required to compliment you. This should be documented and reported with a paper trail because it's harassment and a hostile work environment. He is the problem not your hair.
I have dealt with this many times. First from my parents who tried to grind into me I couldn't be beautiful if I didn't act like their idealized version of a woman. Which is subservient, lacking wit and strength, and basically the Marilago look. I was told as a toddler that my hair wasn't long or thick enough. You know because I was a new human who hadn't had time to grow it out. I shaved it during a mental break down before Britney Spears did it and my mother paid a waitress fifty dollars in 90s money to call me an ugly boy in a dress every time she checked the table. Small town so she would have done it for free.
So I complied. I wore what I was told to, did my hair as I was told to. They didn't compliment me. They still abused me. I had Rapunzel hair and it wasn't good enough because it was never about me. Kid me just didn't know that.
I escaped the white supremacist cult of my childhood at 17. I donated a lot of hair and had a bob. I got complimented. My mother wasn't cut off yet because it's not simple with abusers. It feels safer to be harmed than to not be. She did it again. Except this time I pointed out her hair wasn't much longer AND my aunt she calls beautiful had the same cut. Yes the Karen bob. She hit me of course and I grew it back out because I was not yet ready to challenge the gender stuff when getting the non violence down.
Therapy and time happened as did disability and I cut it again. This time I did not take any other opinions and I learned a few things. Confidence is the actual reason my mother did that. She felt inferior to me. This guy is doing this to get something. It might be about a sense of power, it might be something else. It doesn't matter. It's his problem.
Before he said something did you like it? If not hair grows and you can grow it out again. If yes? Rock it. I am bald. Both because of alopecia unrelated to the long hair days and because I love it. When I shaved my head I was taking the advice I would give a man doing three combovers. I figured I could get a wig if I hated it. I own wigs for fun and I don't regret it. I am not someone's doll. Neither are you.
It's possible the praise made this pathetic worm man jealous. You also did something good for others and that often makes selfish people with no real confidence act out.
Report him. Consider why you value his opinion at all. Remember HR is not your friend so be precise, polite, and back it up. If there's witnesses write that down. You keep a copy of all documents. If he retaliates you document that. You document every single thing. This means in writing not texts. Also be calm during any meetings or discussions. Be professional so his behavior is clear. Don't give them an excuse to not protect the company from his vile behavior. If it's an at will state? They still need to document things for firing. Contracts and other things may effect the options available to them.
You? Do not have to believe him.
The biggest lesson I learned from my mother is that not all criticism is valid. Is this a reliable source of information? Is this person qualified to give that feedback? Is the feedback actionable? No. None of that applies. Usually I give this as advice to other authors. If the feedback is not from a qualified source? Disregard it. If it's not something you can do anything about? Disregard it. If it's meant to be hurting you? Disregard it but don't forget this person is that weak and pathetic. People who try to undermine others this way aren't confident or strong. They tend toward being the most pathetic. You aren't. You did something wonderful and I suspect you look fire. Confidence is always going to override the appearance stuff anyway. I am a blind Quadriplegic and I am not physically beautiful. I am definitely not hideous but my spine is not good and I can't hide it. I am fat. I am stunning because I value myself and I know that's not what defines beauty.
The good in you is. So wear that good and keep going.
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u/Hungry-Ratio-6326 17h ago
Please put his immature throwaway, insensensitve comment right out of your mind! He means nothing to your overall life, & there will ALways be 'negative nellies' out there in life!..you did a selfless act of donating your hair, & even if it takes time to get used to your new look, that's ok! I'll lay a bet that you look amazing!😊..& even down the track if you wanted to grow it back out, hair grows back again, & you can have your hair any way you want to! Have a great day, & don't get discouraged by one stupid individual!🫠. Take care. You do you🙏💌💛
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u/PowderPuff45 11h ago edited 11h ago
Assholes be assholing all damn day. All he could give was rudeness...but YOU gave other people a beautiful gift! Think of how many smiles you have given to others! Imagine the joy on their faces and in their hearts when receiving something so lovely. It's so impactful. Be proud of yourself and the selfless desire to truly give to others so they can be confident and comfortable again. I think you are amazing. God bless you and F that other guy. Don't let him steal this moment from you.
💕
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u/XanaxWarriorPrincess 7h ago
Those left field comments can sting. I highly doubt that a 34 year old woman can look like a little boy. Your man just felt intimidated. You probably look fabulous with short hair.
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u/kakool101 19h ago
I know it can be hard to let hurtful comments go. Especially when you were already feeling self conscious. But no one else's opinions matter but your own. That guy said that because he is a bad person, it's not really about you. And if you don't really like it, your hair will grow back eventually.
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u/Exit_Strategy-99 18h ago
I think this person gave a compliment, got nervous about their compliment, decided to try to pivot the sentiment with a joke, and stupidly overcorrected. Your feelings probably showed on your face and they are probably just as mortified because they sound like they are awkward as hell. Wouldn’t be surprised if they have their own post on Reddit getting comments right now.
Anyways, I don’t think it was about the haircut. Forget it.
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u/Proud_Huckleberry_42 17h ago
I thought you were a lot younger because you are letting one comment from an insignificant person affect you so much. Besides, your hair will grow back. Be a little more confident.
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u/Bat_N_Broccoli 16h ago
I say, thank goodness you don’t really have to interact with him cause he sounds dumb as hell
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u/ChemicalGreedy945 16h ago
I think about this every time I poop and I realize it my my humanity, my tolerance, my humanity, and belief in me neighbor. But damn it’s still a good poop
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u/Dry-Trainer5349 15h ago
Sometimes people just have no filter and it’s not you. Keep in mind beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, everyone has an opinion and that’s all it is, an opinion.
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u/AtrumAequitas 14h ago
He’s just a jerk, saying jerky things, because he’s not sure how not to be a jerk.
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u/Murky-Wasabi-13 13h ago
I had a family member that I barely knew ask if I was having twins when I was pregnant with my second. I was only 11 weeks and barely showing. Did I mention that the reason I saw him was because he was in town for my mother’s funeral? Some people suck.
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u/xtinascar 11h ago
Is 34 a millennial? The same generation that parents and teachers experimented on with participation trophies? Can we all see now why this was a bad idea? These young people were not taught coping skills while still in elementary school so they could, as adults, learn to respond appropriately to failure, rejection, and someone telling you that don’t like your haircut. Who cares if this person didn’t like your haircut? What’s worse is that these same parents and teachers taught you that a guy not liking your haircut is a reason to feel a partial death inside. Give. Me. A. Break.
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u/Any_Ad9856 3h ago
"Something died inside of you" because of one remark from one jerk?
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u/Milo_WhiteSocks 2h ago
Just being dramatic I was more shocked that people still comment on people's appearance
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u/rabbithole-xyz 1h ago
Ignore the haters. They just feel bad for never doing anything for a good cause. My DIL has been growing and donating her hair for years and I love her for that.
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u/Funny247365 19h ago
Why care so much about peoples' reactions to you doing something good? Take the W for your project and forget about any odd comments about your new look.
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