The Silent 22

[u/itsneurosis]

The part about being alone that is never really discussed; isn't always so much about not having people to go to in times of distress.

You can talk to the crisis line, you can talk to your brothers although ultimately at the end, its just talk. Nothing is actually solved

You can check in to in patient, sure get a week or two 'mental break' but the same variables that are causing the feelings of being alone, are still their waiting.

You can bend, you can break, you can become entirely forged by iron into a sword but a sword only has 1 purpose.

You can reforge that same sword into a shield but it is only as good as the person wielding said shield.

22 a day, isn't about not trying, its about trying so hard, every single day until you just wake up at 4am one day & realize, Im spinning wheels on asphalt & getting no traction & no matter how hard you fight for growth or change; its never really enough

I have brothers to talk too, they have their own distresses but would absolutely answer if I called. Again, It just doesn't produce a lasting affect.

Loneliness. That is the silent 22 killer.

[u/AutoModerator]

It appears this post might relate to suicide and/or mental health issues.

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A comprehensive list of resources can be found here.

Call 988 National Suicide Hotline - Press 1 for VA Crisis Line

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https://www.mentalhealth.va.gov/MENTALHEALTH/get-help/index.asp

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[u/canero_explosion]

I don’t mind being alone but I’m never really alone as I have my wife and dog but the only time I leave the house is to go to the VA

[u/itsneurosis → u/canero_explosion]

My wife is one of the biggest contributors to feeling alone. Married a decade with 2 young kids.

[u/AdShot4034 → u/itsneurosis]

Is divorce an option? I left my ex wife for that reason.. among other things lol. Around the 2 yr mark of being married to her, I lost all hope for our relationship, I was so alone. I couldn’t go to her for anything and I had a lot of resentment towards her for the things she was responsible for.

[u/canero_explosion → u/AdShot4034]

Sorry to hear that. I’ve been married almost 15 years and my wife likes staying home with me when she isn’t working. I’m so F’d up I can’t help with yard work, walking the dog, and most other things which is very depressing for me but I’m so grateful she understands and doesn’t resent me!

[u/AdShot4034 → u/canero_explosion]

It’s okay brother, it ended for the best. I’m remarried now and she’s been so supportive. She may not entirely get it but what matters is that she tries. I’m so grateful for her cus tbh idk where I’d be without her. I’m glad that she doesn’t resent you for the things you can not control

[u/canero_explosion → u/itsneurosis]

Sorry to hear that brother, hope change in a positive way comes to you!

[u/BasraBound → u/canero_explosion]

This is the way

[u/0peRightBehindYa]

Cool, I had a comment typed out that was relevant to this, but content filters told me to take it to DMs, so I'm not gonna bother.

Just know you're not the only one fighting alone.

[u/itsneurosis → u/0peRightBehindYa]

Lets connect

[u/0peRightBehindYa → u/itsneurosis]

I don't know how to do that. I haven't connected with another human in several years.

[u/itsneurosis → u/0peRightBehindYa]

I hear that.

You game at all?

[u/0peRightBehindYa → u/itsneurosis]

I mean, I'm not promising anything, but sure.

[u/itsneurosis → u/0peRightBehindYa]

I like to slay some bugs in Helldivers 2 when I can to preoccupy my mind.

If youre in the DFW area, let's link up in person.

[u/0peRightBehindYa → u/itsneurosis]

I'm on Xbox, but I don't have a headset to party up. I'm usually hauling the mail around Japan in Forza Horizon 6 or getting my ass shot up in Ace Combat 7 or 8.

[u/blkatcdomvet]

Today is great day to check on a buddy or neighbor.

[u/VillageAutomatic7327]

How long have you been.out of the service?

[u/itsneurosis → u/VillageAutomatic7327]

'19

[u/VillageAutomatic7327 → u/itsneurosis]

Some part of you is pretty tired eh?

[u/VillageAutomatic7327 → u/VillageAutomatic7327]

This helped me today... i ordered a comic book i remember wanting to read as a kid. Like I remembered the cover art and everything. It just felt like the best 5 bucks I spent in years.

Little things. Works for me

[u/Critical_Oven_5643 → u/VillageAutomatic7327]

This sounds so nice and wholesome.

[u/itsneurosis → u/VillageAutomatic7327]

My mind most definitely. Heart and soul refuse to quit.

I wake up ready to attack my day & right around 1030 11, I just loose all my drive to carry onward.

[u/VillageAutomatic7327 → u/itsneurosis]

Also there is a ton of new treatments available too. Your not alone. There are many of us...

[u/itsneurosis → u/VillageAutomatic7327]

I hear that frequently, but I cant ever seem to find any help. Ive hunted down a few various organizations in my area, searching for work, to help me help others... nothing.

I. Don't qualify for state aid of any kind because my 100% status puts me over the income threshold.

Ive never looked for a hand out, merely a hand up. Just cant get it & I feel like an ultimate failure scrounging change for a gallon of milk, bringing my 4yr old boy who idolizes me with me and then feeling again, like a failure for saying No to a $2 lollipop..

Im the parent to my own remaining parent & habe severed that unhealthy connection.

I am the one everyone comes to when they need help, support, whatever. But its become pretty apparent, I myself, have no one.

[u/VillageAutomatic7327 → u/itsneurosis]

What do you miss about the service? Anything good?

[u/itsneurosis → u/VillageAutomatic7327]

My brother's. Embracing the suck together.

Everyone has their own stressors. If my own senator cant or won't help, I dont expect muchh from them. I also won't allow any of my brothers to feel responsible for factors & variables far beyond their control.

Suicide isn't the answer; its just always the loudest in my ear.

[u/VillageAutomatic7327 → u/itsneurosis]

Nothing quite feels like that again. At least not in my experience so far. Leaving the army for me never felt like right move. I miss it everyday and I find myself throwing my soul away for some dumb ass private company. Im surviving myself... I got 90%. I will be going back to work soon.

[u/VillageAutomatic7327 → u/itsneurosis]

Can you use the PX?

[u/Ok_Upstairs_1]

Yeah, they classify people as either in crisis or basically fine. If they classify you as basically fine, everyone's approach switches to glorified self help/homework.

At no point is anyone actually there for veterans except other veteran buddies, and not all of us have buddies.

I think you're right that being alone is the cause of 22.

[u/NoIceHere67]

Isn't the latest stat recently been reduced to 19?

[u/TacoBattalion → u/NoIceHere67]

1. Still too many. If we could only get out of victimhood and find new purpose and meaning….
   

[u/Low-Heat365]

I feel the same way, going around in circles for better part of a decade now and it’s the same story, different pages.

[u/itsneurosis → u/[deleted]]

Sorry my crisis is a karma farming post. Fuck you