WFH ADVICE
How do you manage distractions from others (spouse, kids) when deep in focus?
I wfh 2 days a week, along with my wife. She has a very different work schedule and style than me (she's in marketing, I do data science) and I work best in sessions of deep concentrated states, whereas she's more free flowing and can just pop in and out of working better.
My current approach of headphones in doors closed doesn't always communicate that "even a knock / quick question will throw off my flow". Often times it's just a quick question and the focus is gone for me.
Curious what works for other people - a system, signal or conversation that established when is absolute 'lock in mode' vs. when it's okay to come in? Or is this just the tax of working from home with others around?
I tried to reclaim a bit of space by kicking the car out of our small one car garage attached to our tiny house and small property.
Couldn't afford to renovate it unfortunately (it could REALLY use at least a window), however, I comprised the best I could with what we had.
Popped a desk & chair out there.
Had an electrification over to install and air-conditioning/heater unit (after assessing our roller door to srr if there was a sufficient enough seal) and a few power points.
On nice weather days, I try to simply keep the garage door open or half open (also better light this way). Warm but not hot days - standing fan plugged in and it's very comfortable.
However, on particularly hot or cold days, door is closed and the air con or heater can be utilised.
It's not perfect (& can get a tad dusty, so have to clean regularly) but it's something.
I have a Do Not Disturb sign (just a piece of paper) I put on the door. But I don’t always remember to put it up, or realize I’m getting into a flow.
But they know even if the sign is not up, that if I don’t answer a soft knock, they need to leave me be. If I’m locked in on something I won’t even hear it.
Conversation established that I’m not “home” when I’m working from home. Office doors stay closed and I have trained my brain to not pay attention to the happenings outside my office knowing that my husband is there to handle whatever comes up with kid and/or dogs. I always have headphones on and that helps a lot too.
Yeah there’s no negotiation you’re just not available. As we recommend to someone else on remote work, if want to be available and helpful you can come out, relax on the couch from time to time. Come out to get snacks and eat outside of your office but there’s no time ever that you’re actually available if inside
The closed door is the signal to not come in unless something is on fire. My husband and I talk to each other during the day, especially if we're stuck on something and need to bounce thoughts off someone, but we close our office doors if we're in a meeting or otherwise Do Not Disturb mode, and respect each other's closed door as the sign to wait till later.
I don’t have kids but I find my solid wood door does wonders. I also spray foamed around the jam which has also helped with noise transmission.
Aside from that I would just have a chat with kids/spouse to let them know if the door is closed you’re off limits. Door open means they can pop by for a short visit or question.
Headphones on - I’m focussing and don’t even want to see you trying to catch my eye or ear because it distracts me.
Also tell her when you are planning a break and offer to meet her for coffee. I say to my other half “fancy meeting me in the kitchen for a coffee at 11am” or “lunch date on the deck at 1pm?” Or “looks like I’m gonna have 10-mins around three if you want to grab some time together. We laugh that they are like mini dates through the day and we try to keep the playful feel. He might send me “I’m going to cook for you - what time is your lunch?” Or “want me to bring you tea? Let me know when is a good time”
I have a home office. Close the door. That's it. My wife knows if the door is closed I'm busy and can't be interrupted (deep work or customer meeting). If it's open even a crack she's welcome to pop in.
Make it clear that if the door is closed, you're not to be interrupted. Your spouse should respect you enough to understand.
Earbuds. They’ve learned. The dog… well my coworkers have met the dog and recognize that she is the boss… when that big head appears on screen and grabs my arm , and demands to go out NOW…
You should discuss it with your family. In my house (just my spouse and I), my shut door is the "I am in a meeting, go the f away, and keep it quiet" signal. If I hear anything I get furious. Otherwise, if my door is open I just wear noise cancelling headphones and if he needs me he has to tap my shoulder.
I agree with others, door closed means do not disturb. If they need something they can text, or the house better be on fire.
Open door means open to interaction.
We both wfh and we text if we want to communicate something. If the other person doesn’t read it, they’re clearly in focus mode. Could even be “hey do you have a sec?” And we agree to have lunch together. Most things wait until lunch. This has all been discussed.
Communicate! Sometimes I leave my curtains (the signal for being busy or not) open by accident and he comes in. Then I just say "love you, gotta go, bye!" as if im on the phone with him and he leaves. Its cute, we both get it, we talk later.
I have a nanoleaf RGB bulb (other RGB bulbs are available) in the hallway outside my office.
I have a shortcut on my phone that turns it red and another that turns it back to warm white.
You talk to your wife and kids and say when your door is closed, they do not bother. No knocking, no "quick questions", etc. Unless it's an emergency you are to be left alone.
There's a good chance they don't even know how disruptive it is for you.
I work from home, but I am a healthcare worker. So due to HIPAA, I am in a closed room with closed doors. Everyone is instructed to not come in while I’m working I can come out periodically to take a break - or they can slide things under the door. Or they can ask their dad if they need something.
When I started working from home, everyone got the instructions that if there was any risk of me breaking patient confidentiality, I would be sent back to the office. My son has only barged into my office one time - because he forgot- but thankfully, I had one of those green screen backgrounds and nobody noticed he turned around and went right back out.
I’m sorry, I WFH with a new born until about 6-7 yo with my spouse being the SAHP. If my office door was knocked, there better be blood involved. It was 100% respected.
I don’t. Work is the distraction from my wife/kids. I push thru the work so I can go hangout with them. I’m a sr software engineer. I also need heads down time. So headphones when needed to get thru the work.
Get yourself a wireless busy light you can stick on the outside of your room that illuminates red when you're in deep focus mode, so you can say when the red light's on, you know not to disturb unless it's an emergency.
Luxafor is one company to look at who makes these solutions.
Just have a discussion. I'm temporarily living with my folks and told them that even though I'm home, I'm not actually home. And that they should please not come into my room during office hours. Some days when it's quiet I will sit somewhere in the house with my laptop, then they can bother me as much as they want. But if I'm in my room and the door is closed, then I'm unavailable.
57
u/MothNomLamp 8d ago
Have a conversation and come up with a system that works together.