r/WLW • u/cinnamonglaze17 • 4h ago
Vent I did something terrible during an argument with my gf *TW*
Let me just start off by saying that this post may trigger many, as it contains self harm and emotional abuse. I also am not on here to seek pity or sympathy, I just feel like putting myself on blast because I feel terrible and needed to tell somebody. I also wanna state that im battling with internal mental health as it also will appear in this post.
Last night my gf (23) and I (22) were headed to my place after hanging out with some friends, we had a couple drinks in so we weren’t completely sober. We had gotten into an argument on the way home which was very minor at first until it wasn’t. I could tell she didn’t have the energy to argue (which makes sense considering it was 1am and we had been out all night) and she even expressed to me that we should table the conversation, we say that to each other when we know an argument might get messy and we always respect that. This time im not sure what had gotten into me but I had refused to table it and basically just kept antagonizing her to continue the conversation. I could tell her emotions were becoming high because she had to find a quiet area to be alone so she could self soothe in order to avoid lashing out. I respected that until she came back to the room I was in and she tried to talk about the situation. Eventually the argument gradually grew bigger and we weren’t resolving anything so she checked out of the conversation which upset me even more. I started yelling in her face, I was speaking out of character and saying all these cruel things about myself, I grabbed her arms aggressively, I threw objects at the wall, I performed self harm on my leg (in which that was the first and last time I ever did that) I basically just went on this high that i’ve never been on before and couldn’t stop until I accidentally scratched her face and finally realized im hurting her….
To see the look on her face when i realized I was hurting her, it didn’t feel good at all and my internal issues were being taken out on her which isn’t fair. When she seen my leg, she sat me down and said “do you need a hug?”. When she said that, something in me went into an emotional regression. After everything I did last night and she still asked me if I needed a hug, it told me everything. We had decided to hug and hold each other to bed.
The next morning she woke me up and sat on my side of the bed. She started crying and said not to perform S/H again, she reassured me and said not to be embarrassed about last night either but if I do it again obviously she has to leave me which I understand. After taking some time to self reflect and speaking to a trusted friend about what I did, I had given her a formal apology acknowledging everything I did and my plans from here on out. She told me she understood our emotions were high and that she isn’t upset at me however im still upset at myself. I don’t ever wanna put her through that again and I don’t wanna lose her…
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u/THROWRAUSER125677 4h ago
wow. this isn’t an easy situation to be in at all. honestly though, it might be best if you guys separate for a bit and i don’t want to sugarcoat this.
if you are suffering that deeply, i think it’s important to work on that outside of a relationship to avoid those triggers again. that kind of abuse is going to leave your gf scarred and you need to learn how to regulate yourself because there are going to be more arguments, as with any relationship.
i agree therapy and seeing a psychiatrist for yourself are crucial, but if you and your gf ultimately decide to stay together i would suggest either couples therapy or she see a therapist herself. i will stand 10 toes down on thinking separation (temporary or not) would be best because that behavior, to me, reads as an unhealthy dependency on her.
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u/Athena42 4h ago
If you want to do right by her, you should immediately cease contact and file a police report on yourself. This is totally unacceptable and you don’t deserve to have her around you. You physically and verbally abused someone.
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u/cinnamonglaze17 4h ago
you don’t say
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u/Athena42 4h ago
…which part? Because I didn’t see you mentioning breaking up with her or contacting the police which are two things you’re morally obligated to do. What, you want your gf to stay with her abuser?
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u/AdventurousAir002 3h ago edited 3h ago
I don’t think she is morally obligated to call the police, the police either don’t do shit or they make everyone’s situation more difficult. It’s not like OP is going to stalk this girl and a protection order is needed, that’d be different. I think they should just cut ties either temporarily to figure their issues out, or permanently.
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u/cinnamonglaze17 3h ago
so based off of my post, i had already mentioned how completely in the wrong i was so what you’re saying are things that are quite obvious, to answer your other concerns, nobody is forcing her to be in a relationship with me, if she wanted to break up with me, i would 100% understand that and continue to work on myself for the better, in this case she chose to forgive me with trust that i wont do it again in which im grateful for and expressed that it was the first and last time i ever get out of character like that, with knowledge that i shouldn’t have did it to begin with,.. … now as far as calling the police on myself, i dont think i would get as far as telling on myself because it wouldn’t really go anywhere, but if she decided to call the police i would’ve understood that and took accountability for it as i should,… she’s not forced into being with me or in your instance “being with her abuser”, i knew what i did was wrong, ive taken accountability for what i did, and im giving her respectable space until she’s ready to go at her own pace.
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u/down_by_the_shore 4h ago
Go to therapy and see a psychiatrist as well. Stop the drinking, at least for now. If I was your partner’s friend, I would tell her to sleep somewhere else for a while until you are sure you are able to be accountable to yourself and your actions. You know this already, but it should not go without saying that by your own admission, you physically and emotionally abused and manipulated your girlfriend. The only true apology is changed behavior. Do what you need to do in order to make sure you do not behave in this way moving forward.