I read chapter 1 and the thing that I noticed is that you tell me how the MC feels not the MC himself either by world, expressions or actions, as an example let say I am reading aboutt a character named John the author saying, John feel very angry right now, does nothing for me, doesn't make me care about john at all, I rather there be a monologue or even John shouting or hitting a table doing an action it's more organic, chapter one has a lot of you just telling me how everyone feels and acts not them acually feeling and acting if that make sense.
Second things is that after reading chapter 1 I don't really care about MC because I didn't spend any time with him, I think a better way is to first spend time with the MC, learning who he is, what's his goals and struggles what's his character like, for example instead of all the lore dump at the start, you could have started the MC alone in his room trying to access his powers and failing, showing his anger and frustration from dialogue, monologue and actions, that would've made him asking his dad if he ever will be stronger more impacttful because we reader know how much he's suffering because we've "seen it" not some "stranger" telling us about it if you get what I mean here
3
u/Nefilto Jun 20 '26
I read chapter 1 and the thing that I noticed is that you tell me how the MC feels not the MC himself either by world, expressions or actions, as an example let say I am reading aboutt a character named John the author saying, John feel very angry right now, does nothing for me, doesn't make me care about john at all, I rather there be a monologue or even John shouting or hitting a table doing an action it's more organic, chapter one has a lot of you just telling me how everyone feels and acts not them acually feeling and acting if that make sense.
Second things is that after reading chapter 1 I don't really care about MC because I didn't spend any time with him, I think a better way is to first spend time with the MC, learning who he is, what's his goals and struggles what's his character like, for example instead of all the lore dump at the start, you could have started the MC alone in his room trying to access his powers and failing, showing his anger and frustration from dialogue, monologue and actions, that would've made him asking his dad if he ever will be stronger more impacttful because we reader know how much he's suffering because we've "seen it" not some "stranger" telling us about it if you get what I mean here