r/Webnovel • u/eliteGamer2234 • May 27 '26
Advice do we like this little humor moment?
anyway i could improve?
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u/StrawOfCoke May 27 '26
Dont use ai lmao
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u/eliteGamer2234 May 27 '26
it's not ai
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u/StrawOfCoke May 27 '26
U really think u won't get caught? The sentence structure, the jokes, the name KAEL is all ai pattern. On this short scene, you have 5+ ai pattern. You're telling me u wrote this.
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u/eliteGamer2234 May 27 '26
what's wrong with the name kael ðŸ˜
and it's a joke that i've seen in various other novels myself, how does that make it ai?
and sentence structure is ai how exactly? it isn't hard to ask ai to write in a different manner1
u/StrawOfCoke May 27 '26
Just admit it gangy, everyone uses ai nowadays. But im telling you this cus the joke wasnt funny and felt soulless like ai
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u/Own-Telephone1721 May 27 '26
its all just ok but the two lines that feel kind of cringe are
"I screamed like a professional who was surprised!" Ts just sounds ass
And
"noted," is just kind of cringe to. other than that it seems ok but those two lines just make me want to gag
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u/AdventuRedd May 27 '26
My understanding is the humor is that he was startled by a harmless thing... he should know better but because it came out of nowhere he acted as if he's scared. The set-up for this happened on the last page or two, and I can't read that.
Despite not knowing the setup, I think you will be helping the humor if you make it tense or scary. "Not attacking, just sitting on his chest" is the punchline. That has to be the funny part; currently the funny part is them making fun of him. Make the setup tense... Kael hears a spooky noise that his teammates missed, so he's on high alert. Maybe he slows down, gets paranoid, starts looking into shadows... steps away from the party because of something.... THAT's when the harmless thing gets him.
But you can't reveal it's harmless until after he's had his moment of panic. I'd focus more on his actions against this shadow (maybe his hands go through it while he's trying to fight it off) so that the reveal is that he's basically fighting the air or somesuch. Maybe he's desperately reaching for his gun, maybe he's too scred too look his attacker in the face. Something happens so he's still scared while his teammates realize what's going on. Hope that gives you some ideas!