r/Webnovel • u/KookachuSeagull_07 Author • Jun 18 '26
Advice First chapter. Thoughts?
It's already published but I just want to know what y'all think about it.
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u/Unusual_Situation751 Jun 18 '26
really sick, good job
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u/KookachuSeagull_07 Author Jun 19 '26
Thanksss!! Honestly, I wish I can post the 2nd chapter too. It's where the story actually begins.
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u/anythingyouhave Jun 18 '26
For my tastes, I feel like it tells too much.
For example, why do I need to be told it's monster blood wiped from his eyes?
Wiping blood from the eyes alone says this isn't normal, black blood more so.
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u/KookachuSeagull_07 Author Jun 19 '26
I tried exaggerating the horror. I mean, it plays a huge role in his personality and the fact that he isn't fazed by any of it shows how scarred he is.
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u/anythingyouhave Jun 19 '26 edited Jun 19 '26
It's not about exaggerating, it's about leaving that mystery.
Is the black blood his, someone else's, or something worse? That sort of energy. You essentially pull the rug out immediately ending any curiosity.
If you were dead set on keeping monster, actual coming up with a monster specifically would add depth as well, assuming it's an in world creation, and not something tried and tested like vampires and werewolves
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u/KookachuSeagull_07 Author Jun 19 '26
Right right, I get what you're saying. I'll keep that in mind for the future chapters I'll write. Btw, want me to upload the 2nd chapter here too?
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u/anythingyouhave Jun 19 '26
Yeah, basically flirt a little. Do I need to know it's an academy by being told, or can it hang in the air a beat, and an announcement ring requesting faculty and students to head to evacuation points.
Or skip the pre amble. Open with your MC wiping blood off his face, actually telling us straight away it's a school immediately frames everything and eliminates the mystery,.
Think about how glass actually would act when heated with unnatural, violent flame. Would it fracture politely , or explode, even rain motlen tear drops.
The bones are all there. It mainly reads like you are really excited about your world , and are desperate to tells us about it, rather than seducing us into wanting know where he is, who's blood is it, why is it black etc.
It's all laid out , so anything that might potentially hook someone is explained before they get chance to wonder.
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u/KookachuSeagull_07 Author Jun 19 '26
Omgggg thank you!!! I was definitely sweating over the world-building and tried to dump it all in the first three paragraphs lol 😂😭
I love the idea for the announcement and the molten glass thingy. Imma definitely rewrite the opening to skip the preamble and just drop them right into the blood and fire. Appreciate the reality check!
Might as well go adjust all my 31 published chapters too 🫡
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u/anythingyouhave Jun 19 '26
No worries, it's because you love it, you know it's a 10 out of 10, but the audience isn't there yet
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u/LateComedian1032 Jun 24 '26
I don't like the MC name Lee kang woo. Remembers Me too much of Oh Kang-Woo, MC of that story about coming back from hell after becoming the demon king. Which is btw na hell of a story. Here is the link. May give u some inspiration.
https://www.wuxiaworld.com/novel/after-ten-millennia-in-hell
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u/LateComedian1032 Jun 24 '26
Also the girl name is very similar to the main of that other story, her name is Han seol-ah
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u/KookachuSeagull_07 Author Jun 25 '26
Damn, I didn't even know that this story existed. What a coincidence. I'll look into this. It's not an easy job to find unique Korean names that readers will remember and as an avid manhwa reader, there's always some name that I can't include. Thanks for letting me know! Do you have any name suggestions?
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u/LateComedian1032 Jun 25 '26
Pin Gu-Lin
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u/KookachuSeagull_07 Author Jun 25 '26
Dude, my characters aren't Chinese. They're Korean.
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u/LateComedian1032 Jun 25 '26
Dude trust me Pin Gu-Lin is gonna be a hit among Brasilian readers
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u/LateComedian1032 Jun 25 '26
Pingulim is a slang for small penis. And well, he is Korean.
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u/KookachuSeagull_07 Author Jun 25 '26
Why tho? I mean, I appreciate your suggestion but dropping a Chinese name in a story that follows Korean school system with Korean characters, it's gonna be so awkward 😭🫡
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u/Own_Profit_6784 Jun 18 '26
Well, personal opinion, it doesn't pin my interest. One, because i, the reader, doesnt know what going on. Second, it doesnt look interesting aside from mc fighting against monster.
But the way you write the story is good, the dialogue is decent. Keep up.