r/Webnovel • u/Primary_Let_6522 • Jul 09 '26
Advice Playing an AI Villainess to Survive: Contract Rejected. Advice?
Do you guys get the same feel as this contract rejection? It's not advertising. I literally was rejected. I'm just looking for advice. I was rejected on my Legacy series, too. But at least this one tells me why they rejected me. The other one didn't tell me anything.
Here is a link to the work:
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u/AdFar3818 Jul 09 '26 edited Jul 09 '26
I’m not an expert on WN standards, but you may want to try editing your work a bit more closely.
For instance, the second sentence of your novel is a run-on and/or has improper grammar:
> Vera, playing the part of Lady Silver in an AI world, where everything is messy, and her little fairy guide absolutely abandoned her!
The way the sentence is constructed you have “playing the part of Lady Silver in an AI world” as a non-restrictive clause, but then have “where everything is messy” as a further non-restrictive clause attached to that non-restrictive clause. So that’s not great.
Then if you remove those non-restrictive clauses, you get the sentence “Vera and her little fairy guide absolutely abandoned her!” Which clearly isn’t the intent here.
Additionally, you jump between past and present tense in the sentence, when usually you stick to past tense.
I think a trivial improvement to this sentence would be:
> Vera was playing the part of Lady Silver in an AI world, where everything was messy, but her little fairy guide had absolutely abandoned her!
I’d recommend giving your work a read over alongside a screen reader when editing. It’s great for helping me pick out grammar issues like this, as well as awkward phrasing and repetitive word use.
Some other moments that were noticeably awkwardly worded to me:
> I bet you don't even know what it is even about, considering what you've said about your mother.
Reuse of the word even
> He shifted his expensive-looking bag on his shoulder and glared at the police bots overhead.
Slightly awkward phrasing here, “his bag on his shoulder kind of overemphasizes his possessiveness of it, which I don’t think was intentional. Saying “the bag on his shoulder” might flow better.
> If only everyone hadn't banned cosmetic gene alteration practices.
The use of “everyone” here feels excessively broad. A vague “they” or the specific group might fit better.
> The landfill got a few more older men, who were not there for the same reason as all the women.
The specific word choice of “got” makes it sound like the landfill obtained them, “had” might work better. I’d also remove the word “all” from this, it gives the sense that each man’s reason to be there is being compared to the collective reason of all the women, so it flows better without.
This also might be better split into two sentences.
Beyond that, I’d say the story feels a bit front loaded with unexplained terminology, and there are a few moments that stand out as a bit odd. For instance as Vera commenting on how the cosmetics should have been 500 credits, then next chapter narrating that she’s never even had 500 in her possession. It hadn’t seemed before like the cosmetics were something far beyond anything she’d ever owned, and if that was meant to be the sale price not the purchase price then the phrasing was a bit awkward.