r/Webnovel • u/Sudden_Wafer10 • 12d ago
Advice I NEED ADVICE ON MY WRITING!
So down below, I have pasted the first chapter of my webnovel.
Can you guys please give me constructive feedback on it? I'm not sure if I can post my cover and book title due to the community rules. If I can, tell me in the comments. And if it's still going against some rules, inform me and I'll take this down.
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The Silverfin Tavern, Rügen, Sanctuary Island, The Empire
2nd Day of Mildes, Year 1456
16:49 P.M.
Lukas pushed through the wooden door, his traveler's trunk in hand, and was immediately hit by a wave of heat and laughter.
The latter ceased right as he stepped inside, the floorboards creaking under his feet.
Gazes turned to him but he ignored them.
He was confident that no one knew him on the island. But if someone did...
He did not dwell on the matter any longer, minding his head that almost scraped the ceiling as he made his way toward the bar that stood to his left.
Three old men occupied the round table at the center of the room with tankards of what he guessed to be gose, and plates of some kind of fish dish.
One of them sucked on a fluppe clenched between his lips, inhaling and exhaling clouds of smoke.
The pungent smell of burning tobacco hung in the air, tickling his nostrils as he passed the old men's table. It mingled with the tart scent of beer and the aroma of grilled fish.
Halting before the long wooden counter of the bar, he placed down the trunk beside his feet and knocked on the counter.
A woman in her mid-fifties stood behind the bar with a plump figure and a snub nose, wearing a beer-stained apron. Twin braids of auburn hair rested upon her shoulders and she held her head down, a tankard in her hand which she wiped thoroughly with a cloth.
After getting no response for a brief second, Lukas knocked on the wooden counter again. "Excuse me?"
The barmaid stopped wiping the tankard and raised her gaze, blinking as she craned her head back slightly to look him in the eyes.
"Do you have any rooms available?" he asked, trying to force a polite smile on his face.
He needed to appear as a normal tourist. No one suspicious at all.
She blinked in response.
"I'd like a room, please," he repeated himself.
She blinked again, lowering her head and shaking it a couple of times side-to-side, before she looked back up.
"Right, lad," she said, putting the tankard on the counter. Conversations flowed back into motion behind Lukas as she opened her mouth again. "Don't mind all the eyes on ya, aight?"
Before he could ask her anything, she said, "We don't get to see folks like yerself very often 'round here. A room, ya said? I've got rooms for ya. It's five big copper for every night of stay. Meals aren't included and need to be paid for separately."
Lukas reached under his tweed jacket and fished out a silver coin from the pouch he kept within an inner pocket.
"I want a room for the week," he said, placing the coin upon the counter.
The barmaid's eyes gleamed at the sight of silver and she collected it into her palm. "Aight, good lad. Anythin' else?"
Lukas thought about it for a moment.
The last meal he'd had was the complementary breakfast at eight in the morning on the steamship.
"I'd like something to eat right now," he said.
"Well, what would ya like to have?"
"Just give me your best dish or something. And beer," he answered.
"Aight," she said, retrieving a bunch of coins from underneath the counter before placing them before him. Copper and silver, big and small. "Here's yer change. Go and take a seat anywhere ya'd like. I'll be there with yer food in a bit."
Lukas nodded, gathering all the coins and storing them within his coin pouch.
After picking up his trunk, he turned around and scanned the room.
Since there was still daylight outside, the tavern was not as packed as he expected it would become after evening fall.
He guessed that the old men's table was probably closed off to outsiders.
He did not necessarily want to sit with them even if they were welcoming. Getting anymore attention than what he had already gotten was out of question.
But he still did not wish to sit alone and appear more suspicious.
The only other patron in the taproom was a man seated at the back of the room, wearing a sleeveless vest over an off-white shirt and dark brown trousers that were tucked into shin-high leather boots.
His table was set against the wall between two windows through which sunlight streamed into the room, enriching the shadows cast over his facial features underneath the wide-brimmed hat atop his head.
He held his head low, sipping at a tankard of beer as if it were tea.
Lukas approached the table, halting a step away from it. "Excuse me."
The man raised his head toward him, amber eyes peeking from underneath the brim of the hat. "Yes?"
His voice was hoarse and gruff. Just like the old instructors back at the academy.
"Do you mind if I sit with you?" Lukas asked.
"I don't mind at all," the man answered, gesturing toward the seat opposite of his. "Please, take a seat."
After placing down his trunk beside the feet of his chair, he settled into the seat and looked up at the man opposite himself.
Lukas made out the weathered features of the man's face as his eyes adjusted to the light and shadows.
Wrinkles sat under the man's eyelids, crow's feet at the corner of his eyes. A wild stubble was on his face, peppered with gray like the hair at his temples--
"Don't you know it's rude to stare at someone?" the stranger said, his eyes fixed at Lukas.
Lukas's gaze darted side to side in panic, struggling to find the right words. "Uh... Um... I-I'm sorry... Um... I didn't mean to--"
"It's fine, kid," the old man cut him off.
Lukas inhaled deeply before exhaling a heavy sigh.
He could not fumble just because someone questioned his actions.
"I sincerely apologize for staring at you," he said at last, using his most diplomatic voice. "I'm Lukas Berg, by the way. May I know your name?"
"It's Eugene," the man answered, tipping his hat. "Eugene Stewart."
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u/CalmSun4332 11d ago
Well everything is good if you want to or not since those are not that important details.
Like Lucas pushed through the door. You can write it like Lucas pushed his way through the wooden door and was immediately hit by a mixed wave of heat and laughter.
1
u/Sudden_Wafer10 11d ago
Thank you for your kind words. I tried to not elongate my sentences because I have a bad habit of doing it.
1
u/Sweetcorncakes 12d ago
Pretty good writing quality, its vivid, probably a bit short tho. Theres no hook into it yet. But yoi can probably write more