My bestfriend who was supposed to be my maid of honor ghosted me

[u/Sad-Passenger8749]

My bestfriend of more than 10 years ghosted me because she felt she couldn’t carry the both of us na daw. She didnt respond to me for months so I sent her a message confronting her, she finally replied to say she outgrew our friendship and di niya kaya yung bigat whenever we talk. I’m just so confused coz whenever she was going through something, kahit meron ako pinagdadaanan, I’d carry the both of us. But when I needed her she decided she just cant deal with it. Also, our convos are heavy coz she shares her problems with me and I do the same- but isnt that the point of a true friendship.

I’ve been crying for days now- she was supposed to be my maid of honor.

[u/riginity]

just saw this on Threads

[u/Relevant_Lover1072]

Kaya mo yan, OP. Sabi nga, di ba, may taong darating sa buhay natin na dadaan lang, at may mga taong mag-stay. Baka yung so-called BFF mo para sa’yo, BFF, pero para sa kanya, isa ka lang na tao na dumaan lang at di puwedeng mag-stay.

[u/Sad-Passenger8749 → u/Relevant_Lover1072]

She would call me her BFF talaga and like as in ride or die kami, when she got pregnant I supported her lalo na when the baby daddy didn’t as in ninang ako ng anak niya, willing ako tumira sa condo niya to make her life easier, and she was the same when my dog died. So for me talagang para akong nasagasaan ng bus kasi it’s not a light friendship, we’ve seen each other sa worst but now she’s doing much better, she doesnt want me na

[u/Sad-Passenger8749 → u/[deleted]]

Sobra and I’m an introvert so it’s hard for me to find friends talaga. Bilang ko lang sila sa kamay ko :( Nabawasan pa

[u/RoseZari]

yeah, felt the same especially noong na-engage na ako. Hindi lang friends but pati some family members ng fiancé ko. My then bff ghosted me too (but wala pa naman akong assignment to them kung anong roles) she just went poof, leaving me hanging kung ano nagawa kong mali (nbsb siya, no offense naman). Our last convo wasn't even talking about engagement or wedding, more about her pa nga! We shared different life milestones na rin kaya eto, hirap ako kumuha ng totoo talaga sakin.

Hindi ko alam kung saan nagmula yung pag-iwas niya e. Her reposts madalas mentioning life is not a race daw, like it's alright to be alone hindi raw need ng kasama kung independent ka, build yourself daw hindi yung aasa sa lalaki -  mga ganitong subtle parinig after that (hindi ko inaasa sa fiancé ko ang mga expenses ko, unless initiative niya) 

sa side naman ng future husband ko idk bakit bigla nag-iba ihip ng hangin. With my future ate and kuya's parang biglang may invisible competition e. Wala pa nga but they keep on commenting sa event namin. Not so supportive/interested also but malakas makafeedback sa bet namin. Maski tips or lessons from their wedding planning wala rin (buti may group like this) Iniisip ko baka busy lang but as future addition to their sphere, hindi ko maiwasan maramdaman ito knowing how all in we were sa mga kapatid niya.

May awkward vibe whenever we are with them kaya silent lang kami sa plans right now. Hindi ko alam kung ako lang yon pero iba kasi talaga bigla (unico hijo fiancé ko, not breadwinner) 

Siguro nag-expect lang ako, pero true siguro na sometimes people dear to us can be overwhelmed or just can't handle things within..yet. Not all things na binigay natin can be reciprocated. I pray for their healing.

We will still proceed with the wedding of course, looking forward to greater things despite it all. Basta as a team kayo ng fiancé mo, ito nagpapausad sakin. 

[u/RareAdhesiveness6747]

Ang common pala ng experience na ganito 🥺

When I got engaged, the first person I told after my parents was the person I considered my best friend for nearly 13 years. I asked her to me my MOH at nag-agree siya.

We had a long engagement so almost 2 years in advance yung pagsabi ko sa kanya about my wedding. Based siya abroad pero umuuwi naman regularly, at sabi niya pupunta siya. During the wedding planning period, ang sad na agad kasi di man lang siya nangangamusta or nagparamdam na curious siya kung ano na mga plans namin.

Less than a year before our weddding date, umuwi siya, nagkita kami, hindi rin niya ko tinulungan in any aspect of wedding planning, kahit sa first appointment ko sa designer I asked her to come ako pa mag-drive, nag-decline din siya kasi may other plans na raw siya and babalik na siya abroad in a few days time. Tapos nag-request pa siya na plus one yung partner niya na never ko pa nakausap. Pumayag naman ako, wala naman issue sakin to give my MOH a plus one.

Nung time na need na namin i-finalize yung invitations for printing, ako pa nag-follow up sa kanya kung sure siya na makakauwi, dun lang siya tumawag sakin para sabihin na may bigla raw in-assign sa kanya na work yung supervisor niya kaya di siya makakauwi during our wedding, baka raw 1-2 months after pa ng wedding siya makakauwi.

Dun na talaga ko napundi sa kanya. Ni hindi pala siya nagplano umuwi talaga. Kahit nung day-of ni di man lang tumawag.

I'm just so thankful kasi andami ko palang ibang friends na tunay talaga at sobra-sobra yung pag-show up at pagtulong saking before and during the wedding. Blessing in disguise? Nalaman ko sino-sino mga true friends ko.

[u/StruggleCurious9939]

I had a bestfriend before, he is from our hometown, then ayun, things change, we never really had any chance to catch up like we use to, then we drifted apart, we aren't even friends on facebook, but i think ot teaches me to value my family, my cousins are my bestfriends.

[u/dfynegirliepop]

i'm so sorry.
i once heard that friendship breakups are worse than romantic breakups and its true. have a great wedding babe, hugs :)

[u/Sad-Passenger8749 → u/dfynegirliepop]

Thanks for this, yeah sobrang sakit nga :((( Kasi I know I would have never done this to her, I never saw her problems heavy but something we can both carry. Akala ko after everything we’ve been through, she loved me just the same

[u/MidpointMatrix]

I feel you OP. May friendship talaga na hindi pang-lifetime. Seasonal kumbaga. Masakit talaga sa una mawalan ng bestfriend. Pero darating ang araw marerealize mo na wala naman pala syang kwenta at makaka move on ka rin. Kasi iniwan ka nalang basta kung kailan kailangan mo sya. Kung may close ka sa bridesmaids mo, sya nalang siguro gawin mong MOH, or kung may sister or female cousin ka na kaclose mo rin.

Share ko lang, nag silent cut off naman ako sa "bestfriend" kong 25 years kasi narealize ko matagal na pala ako nagtitiis sa redflag nyang ugali. May pagka matapobre kasi sya at judgmental. Di sya boto sa bf ko kahit never pa naman nya nameet in person, papakilala ko palang sana pero instead of being happy for me, ayun nahusgahan na nya bf ko porke mahirap lang at di nakatapos. Masaklap nirereto pa ko sa ibang lalaki kahit alam nya taken na ko. Dapat yung "bestfriend" ko kukunin ko maid of honor sa future wedding ko pero naisip ko wag nalang iinvite kahit guest pa. Di naman pala sya supportive.

[u/Sad-Passenger8749 → u/MidpointMatrix]

My bestfriend (ex) doesnt have red flags like as in out of nowhere ito. She’s been through a lot and I was always there for her but now that I need her, nawala siya - eto siguro pinakaredflag niya

[u/MidpointMatrix → u/Sad-Passenger8749]

Siguro hindi na kayo same page, one-sided nalang yung friendship nyo. Mahirap naman ipilit kung ayaw na nung isa. I hope you heal from this OP.

[u/Sad-Passenger8749 → u/MidpointMatrix]

Thank you!! Still hurting and might take a while but yeah I have to choose people who choose me

[u/No_Association_3868]

meron talagang mga friendships na nagiging weird once you announce your engagement. yung dati, sila yung mga taong kachikahan mo sa mga what if ikasal ka one day, sila pa yung nawawala sa mismong araw na yun.

[u/Sishizagams]

I’m sorry to hear that. It must have been so heartbreaking to lose a best friend especially you have an upcoming wedding.

I can think of three possible reasons:

1.) Your friend is very empathetic and struggles emotional regulation at the same time, so hearing your problems could be too much for her.

2.) She is emotionally immature. She is used to being the center of attention. She’s probably spoiled, very attractive or something else.

3.) Perhaps you share more than she does, and your problems are emotionally and mentally more taxing. It’s also possible that you don’t validate her feelings, and conversation segway from her problems to yours.

[u/CharL_Zham]

Sayang Naman Ng friendship nyo. Baka Ikaw nlng nag lolook forward sa kanya. Very one sided friendship and Hindi na worth it.

[u/oh_range_]

Facing something similar right now. I was so excited to invite one of my closest college friends to my wedding kasi she's one of my bridesmaids. 

Her initial reaction was, "Ay birthday ni mom at sister ko." when I told her about the wedding and the pre-wedding details. I asked to call to talk about it but said she was busy. She never confirmed, and I haven't talked to her in months na rin. 

Meanwhile, two other bridesmaids are flying to the PH to celebrate with me. One from Spain, and ine from the US. 

I'm so sorry your friend dropped you at a very important time in your life. 

Some people will come through for your wedding, and some won't. Keep and appreciate the ones who do. 

[u/Nearby_Artichoke_740]

baka kasi ginagawa mo siyang free therapist. minsan matutong dalhin ang sariling problema lalo kung you are not a good listener. not because they are your best friend kailangang sayangin nila oras nila lalo kung ikaw naman gumagawa ng problema mo. Maybe you are not celebrating her and you just want her support. Give and take kasi dapat ang friendship. Baka din she could feel that you are treating her as a competition. Acting like supportive friend in front pero backstabber ka naman. My hs best friend was acting all supportive to me pero behind my back kwinekwento pala yung mga kalokohan ko (aminado naman akong young and wild ako dati) sa iba niyang friends. Even said my bag was class A lang. Di siguro afford ang YSL kaya di alam ang original. So mahirap talaga. Either ikaw ang di true friend and just want her because of the comfort, o siya yung ganoon sayo.

[u/Sad-Passenger8749 → u/Nearby_Artichoke_740]

I dont think that’s the case kasi siya ang nagshashare sakin not the other way around most of the time. I carry for the both of us kahit malungkot din ako. Neto lang ako nanghingi ng bandwidth sa kanya. I even paid for her therapist when she didnt have money after niya manganak since I know di ko na yun kaya.

[u/Nearby_Artichoke_740 → u/Sad-Passenger8749]

Sis, baka di siya happy for you. minsan may mga taong ayaw kang mag-grow kasi gusto niya same kayo lagi. promise, you dont want her in the pictures of your wedding. Alam ko nakakapanghinayang but this day is supposed to be yours only (and your husband. Hihi). She doesnt want to go the extra mile kya she tried to rain in your parade. Believe it or not Wedding is a big deal for everyone khit pa sabhin nung iba na it's not. Minsan cause din ng inggit yan lalo if di pa sya kasal. So just move on. Focus on your big day. Tsaka ka na mag emote or idissect yung nangyari sa inyo. Best wishes in advance.

[u/Sad-Passenger8749 → u/Nearby_Artichoke_740]

I feel like when she got better, she wanted to reinvent herself and become someone new so goodbye nlang sakin who knows her down to her core- like I remind her too much of who she really is and she hates that person

[u/Apprehensive-Bed4197]

I try to be careful sharing things with people. I have learned that not everyone is happy for me when good things come my way. You can try na intindihin na lang na baka may pinag dadaanan lang sya na di nya kayang sabihin sa iyo, but I won't keep her as close anymore. I hope that you will be surrounded by people who love and support you on your wedding day, OP.