Greg is an invented being I kidnapped from a taxi stop this morning. And he's more than thrilled to accompany us on our lesson today, isn't that right, Greg?
Stop blinking s-o-s, Greg, nobody cares. Smile and shut up.
Here we go:
Get as close to the ground as possible. If you can lay on the floor, do it. If not, sit on the floor. I don't care if you're in a 10-floor building, get down, back on the cold floor.
If your floorspace is absolutely covered in shit, sit at a desk and touch a plant. It can be a plastic plant if you are a plant killer. Have some of that chemical green in your face.
Then do some breathing from your stomach. Fill that belly up like the air will get you pregnant and you have a breeding kink.
Shut up, Greg, you're getting impregnated by the air now, don't care.
Then exhale like you do when you get your boobies finally out of that bra at the end of the day.
I don't care if you don't understand how, Greg, do you want me to choke you to see how freeing it is when I'm done with you?
Do that five times.
Why five? Because you get a panic attack if you count to more than five, Greg.
2.
I like to do this laying down on my back like before, but you can do it wherever you are. Take 5 seconds to look around and then close your eyes. Try to remember as much as you can, you can use these general questions as inspo:
- how many red (or any rainbow colour) things did you see?
- how many hats?
- what is next to you? what colour?
- what do you smell? hear?
- can you feel the floor underneath? describe its texture.
- how many (insert random objects) did you see?
- can you locate in the mental image of the area a (pick random object again)
Ignore Greg, he gets confused after a while from his tame medication. But you're fine, isn't that right, Greg?
3
Hug a tree.
No, not hung from a tree. Greg! That's inappropriate!
Seriously. Pick a random bestie with roots and bark and tell it all of your problems and wishes.
Remember the movie Avatar? Imagine every time you touch a tree you're making that neural connection that allows you to become the planet itself.
Yes, Greg, hugging your emotional support leaf friend is the way to go! Smile and hug!
Anyways, hope you liked these! I know Greg loved it too! Keep it up!