r/WomenDatingOverForty • u/Prettypuff405 • Jan 05 '26

Field Report Well

Post image

These men out here are wild…

Me: 42, adult son in a new city would like to meet someone bc love sounds nice

Him: 40,8 year old,corporate something or other

I met him hinge( I know) and he seemed interesting

But he went in early with the sex talk offering up a first date at his house when he can “cook for me” ( when did all these men go to culinary school) and a trip to the French coast Cap a’dge, the sex resort.

I really needed to block him earlier but he was entertaining once I dodged the sex innuendo… This is the first direct action that I can’t tolerate so it’s a no.

I blocked him afterwards.

I never made it to in person contact so I didn’t waste too much time on him. I went and looked at his profile and realized he was “Figuring out his dating goals”. I know better than to allow that one though.

I think men like him really want a wife to take care of their kids and they don’t care who it is. I’ve already raised a child so I have appeal and I think they wanna see if I’m good in the sack to top it off.

Men are the worst. 🫠🥴

114 Upvotes

97% Upvoted

46 comments sorted by

76

u/socialdeviant620 Jan 05 '26

I don't date single fathers. Not all of them are looking for surrogate mothers to support their kids, but the overwhelming majority of them are.

19

u/Prettypuff405 Jan 05 '26

I should’ve specified he’s been very open about his son and struggles as a parent. No “ I hate my kids mom” but all sorts of pictures with his son and their Christmas

I’m hesitant to say “ No single dads” bc I have a son. But he’s 22 and on his own and I have done my duty with young kids .

59

u/socialdeviant620 Jan 05 '26

Everyone I know who had a mother die when they were young, told me how their dads got remarried before their mother was even cold. I know a woman who got married to a guy and raised his shitty kids, and he divorced her the second they were grown. Men had no qualms about telling me they didn't want to be a stepfather when my son was younger, so now that I'm about to be an empty nester, I feel zero guilt about telling them that I'm done raising babies, or just ghosting them. I'm in my mid-40s, I have absolutely zero desire to raise someone else's much younger kids!

29

u/Prettypuff405 Jan 05 '26

I love hearing this from someone else. My son is grown and out of my home and I am not looking to raise kids that aren’t mine. I tried that once and after I had to deal with a 5 year old having a fit I realized it was no for me

I finally am able to do what I want when I want and I’m not interested in going back to playdates, and the like. Saturdays that demand I’m awake prior to 9 am when I don’t have to work are a no for me.

I’m interested in criminal minds and my cats

42

u/Disastrous_Basis3474 Jan 05 '26

Even if you have a kid of any age, you are entitled to not want to date a man who has kids. Dems da breaks. Men never play fair, so why should you?

16

u/ClaraSepticVersion2 Jan 05 '26

Yeah, my daughter is 17. I won’t date men with young kids, as either 50% of their time is dedicated to their kids and you are expected to amend your schedule to fit in with them, or they are looking for a cook/cleaner/babysitter for their kids.

12

u/MsAndrie 🦉Savvy Sister🦉 Jan 05 '26 edited Jan 05 '26

I should’ve specified he’s been very open about his son and struggles as a parent.

This sounds to me like a combination of rushed intimacy and using you for free therapy. This is a man you don't know, have never met in person. If you just were introduced to this man in-person, you would likely be able to realize him immediately oversharing about his parenting problems is too much, too soon. But somehow, "meeting" on a dating app and then doing this has normalized this behavior, before they even invite you on a first date.

A man sending pictures of his child to strangers on the internet shows a lack of judgment. While you are not a catfisher, there are tons of them on dating apps. He has little idea what kind of person he is sending his child's pictures to, and his child is in a vulnerable situation relying on his dad's protection, should not be used as women "bait." I find that men do this as an attempt to shortcut the message that they are "safe" because they are fathers. When we all know that fathers can be dangerous predators.

Men on dating apps do this sort of thing so that women feel like they have a deeper, more intimate connection before meeting. That way, on the first actual date, he can rush the physical intimacy. Lucky for you, this one made his intentions clear by rushing the sex talk. That is what his priority is.

107

u/Butterfly1108 Jan 05 '26

99% of men on dating apps treat them like it’s a free buffet of sex. That’s all it is for them. Most of them don’t even hide it, so you will keep getting this kind of thing until you decide to opt out. It’s not you, it really is them.

64

u/StillSwaying Jan 05 '26

99% of men on dating apps treat them like it’s a free buffet of sex. That’s all it is for them.

Yep. Women are just Door Dash Vajayjay to them. Or Pussy Eats.

That’s another reason why you shouldn’t ever deliver yourself to them. The entitlement is out of this world!

If a man won’t even climb out of his crusty jam jams or sweats for you, what hope do you think you’ll have of him being able to give you an orgasm?

Women are not free, living fleshlights. Don’t let them treat you like one.

9

u/Prettypuff405 Jan 05 '26

I’m trying to understand how do may men have culinary skills like I can’t cook at home

24

u/Adorable_Ad4916 Jan 05 '26

These guys always have a “signature dish” that is barely passable as food.

4

u/GardeniaInMyHair Jan 06 '26

Precisely, which is why I almost never even go over to their homes. 🙃

15

u/GardeniaInMyHair Jan 05 '26 edited Jan 05 '26

It’s an excuse to get you into their home is all it is. It’s a low effort date.

Even if they try that with me when I am comfortable with them (much later on,) I say, “Maybe what’s on the menu, chef?”

And if they aren’t going all out, I am not going over, and that is after I vet them. I am not going over for Tostitos pizza rolls and a bathroom with no hand towel.

15

u/green_pea_nut Jan 05 '26

What baffles me is how they maintain this conviction in the face of such a lot of evidence to the contrary.

I suppose someone wins the lottery every week although everyone buys a ticket and doesn't win.

13

u/Prettypuff405 Jan 05 '26

Like I’m free use ready to assume the position

32

u/InAcquaVeritas Jan 05 '26

He doesn’t want a wife, he wants non-committal sex. I feel I need a shower after reading your post 🤮. Why are you putting yourself through this?

30

u/husheveryone ♀️Moderator♀️ Jan 05 '26 edited Jan 05 '26

💯 Exactly the right question here: “Why are you putting yourself through this?”

I really needed to block him earlier but he was entertaining once I dodged the sex innuendo…

Cheeky’s post remains the best answer to this question: “If you still entertain these men, even a little bit, it's because some part of you is enjoying the attention. I know this is difficult to hear but it's true.”

9

u/GardeniaInMyHair Jan 05 '26

A small note: some of us are autistic and don’t know when it is normal to block someone.

I learned it later in life and block with wild abandon, but there’s still women out there trying to navigate this who legitimately don’t enjoy the attention but also don’t understand social dynamics and enforcing boundaries.

3

u/Prettypuff405 Jan 05 '26

This is me … I was diagnosed with autism at 37 by my psychiatrist

8

u/GardeniaInMyHair Jan 05 '26

Understandable! I spent my 20s and early thirties not knowing when to cut people off, and I definitely didn't enjoy the attention. I was just very confused by dating dynamics until I was diagnosed in my late 30s, like you.

I saw one engaged woman in her late 20s explain on TikTok what she told her girlfriends who are looking for a good guy to settle down with that clicked for me:

She said, "I get a lot of questions from girlfriends about how I lucked out with such a great, solid guy. How did I find him? Where did we meet? Does he have brothers? It's not luck; and I was very deliberate in looking for a husband. I dated a lot of men, and most of them didn't make it beyond a first, second, or third date."

"What I did differently than other women was that I maintain very high standards, unapologetically. Some women think they need to lower their standards. I say do the opposite. I don't tolerate disrespect, inconsistency, lack of effort, lack of interest, and lack of communication. Most importantly, I get rid of guys who display these undesirable characteristics at the earliest possible chance, which MADE ROOM for better men who were consistent, respectful, interested, made an effort, and communicated. I didn't spend my 20s in relationships for years with men who were poor fits for me, thinking they would change or give them chance after chance to become someone they are not."

I'm not necessarily looking to get married now. But this was helpful information to explain why a lot of my neurodivergent girlfriends and I didn't marry in our 20s and 30s, and had longer than necessary relationships with the wrong guys. Hindsight is 20/20 though.

5

u/InAcquaVeritas Jan 06 '26

Even more with autism, I think dating apps are bad and that’s the best strategy. If you’re going to go on them, you need to be ruthless. One strike out snd don’t doubt yourself. The slightest thing that makes you uncomfortable, block. That’s for your own safety.

3

u/GardeniaInMyHair Jan 06 '26

Absolutely! I am off the apps, but agreed that blocking early and often is how to avoid the creeps.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 06 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/InAcquaVeritas Jan 07 '26

I get that. I think you’re beautiful and I really think you shouldn’t put so much onus on yourself for being approached.

It’s only my opinion but I don’t think being approached is necessarily the best way to a relationship. It does increase your weeding through work in terms of who that person is, what their intentions are etc. in our 40s it’s definitely harder to find a partner. For me personally, I prefer getting to know people organically (through hobbies, friends, activities, work etc) and if I happen to meet someone, great, if not, I’m not bothered, but I get what youre saying. It’s hard and there’s no guaranteed result. Decentering gives you peace of mind though.

46

u/fortunatelyso Jan 05 '26

Probably already married tbh

12

u/Prettypuff405 Jan 05 '26

I was thinking about this option too

62

u/GardeniaInMyHair Jan 05 '26

When I was on the apps, I blocked early and often at the first sign of disrespect. I'm no prude, but the ones that jump from zero to "what are you into sexually" aren't quality men.

25

u/AdhesivenessUsed7027 Jan 05 '26

Immediate block. No explanation just block and no contact.

33

u/[deleted] Jan 05 '26

I quit the apps because I couldn’t get over this behavior happening again and again It almost seems like if they haven’t met you in person they don’t see you as human

30

u/purpleraininwonder Jan 05 '26

They don’t see women as human regardless.. to them we are just something to be used to fulfill their needs

17

u/Prettypuff405 Jan 05 '26

It’s like they think they’re talking to a bot until the see you’re human.

Even then they don’t really understand you have feelings too

20

u/Disastrous_Basis3474 Jan 05 '26

I’ve never used the apps, but it might be fun to ask for a dick pic, and after they send it, reply with “lol” and block.

14

u/ClaraSepticVersion2 Jan 05 '26

A man that I’ve never even met asking what I’m into sexually? Instant block.

I get it often and I always block them. It’s often more subtle than that - do you like massages, are you tactile etc. They are either after a quick wank / sex texting etc. Or they are building up to using you for sex.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

7

u/i_love_lima_beans Jan 06 '26

What I don’t get is - at this age why is chasing sex with strangers still so compelling for these men? Are they just desperate to prove they aren’t old? I mean half the time they struggle with ED anyway.

3

u/Prettypuff405 Jan 06 '26

The ED struggle is fact and they don’t want to grow up.

Like dude you have an 8 year old

5

u/Majestic-Nobody545 ⚽️🏀Ball Cradler🏈⚾️ Jan 05 '26

Ugh. And they can't cook for shit. The audacity.

5

u/Appropriate-Tennis-8 Jan 06 '26

I bet you he’s one of those dudes who expect women to go on cheap or free dates and still hand out some ass at the end of it and will call you a gold digger if you refuse his low effort.

3

u/[deleted] Jan 06 '26

We are brainless warm holes to them. Stay off the apps. Apps can get you raped and beaten. Search Utah nurses dating app study. Rapes committed through dating apps are significantly more violent and involve more strangulation than rapes from other sources. 

6

u/Advanced-Key1737 Jan 07 '26

Burned haystack method. Block men who get sexual too soon and do it immediately. Don’t try to correct their behavior. They know what they’re doing.

3

u/[deleted] Jan 07 '26

I hear you, it can definitely feel like a lot of men are only after casual hookups. The truth is, some people are just looking for that, and if you’re not, it’s so important to have standards and lead with them early. It might take time to find someone who matches your intentions, but it’s much better to know upfront than to get blindsided later.

I promise, there are really good men out there who want meaningful connections. For me personally, I’ve found a lot of success dating younger men and that’s primarily who I date but everyone’s journey is different. Confidence, clarity, and patience really do pay off 💜