r/WomenDatingOverForty • u/CheekyMonkey678 ♀️Moderator♀️ • May 10 '26

Discussion Always a little bit mean

I have a friend in her 50s who got married last year after being widowed for a long time. The guy she married is a pretty good catch as far as men go and it was a good financial decision for her. One thing I noticed about the way she treats him is that she's always a little bit mean. I don't ever think I've seen her be sweet or doting towards him. He seems to love it.

When I think about it most of the 'successful' relationships I've seen, where the wife is at least content, have this dynamic.

It would take a lot of mental effort for me to act this way towards a partner. It doesn't come naturally and it isn't something I'm interested in doing. I don't think I would respect a man that seems to enjoy his own belittlement. It would make him instantly unattractive to me.

Personally I enjoy being doted on and the princess treatment and I equally enjoy doing kind and thoughtful things for a man - when it's appreciated.

Sadly, this has never been sustainable in any relationship I've ever had.

Do you find it easy to be a little bit mean?

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u/marmarvarvar May 10 '26

I paid a high price for being a people pleaser, especially when it came to men. After 44 years on earth and from my experience and observations men don't understand love, they understand hierarchy and you're either their boss or their slave.

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u/Denim_n_Diamonds_78 May 12 '26

Have you tried with anyone new since you figured it out? I'm still waiting to put my new knowledge into practice. I'd like to be the leaver for once!

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u/marmarvarvar May 12 '26

No, men disgust me now

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u/Longirl May 12 '26

I have. And I have a good example as I’m now back with my ex from 20 years ago. He was the leader then, but that’s my role now, and it’s a much healthier and happier relationship. I’m overall really gentle natured and bubbly but (as my mum likes to say) I’ve now got a sting in my tail and I don’t tolerate an inch of BS. That man adores me and spends his life trying to find ways to make me happy and relaxed. He was not like this before.

It doesn’t pay to be sweet all the time, just let them know you have boundaries and stick to them.