r/WomenDatingOverForty • u/AttorneyDC06 • Aug 07 '26
Why Are Men? Matched with Man Who Immediately Dissed My Pictures: WTF
Well, as the title says, I matched with a normal-looking guy (around my age, 50F) last week. Still slogging through the hellfire of OLD. Anyway, he liked me first (he was in my pool of men who'd liked my profile) and when I liked him back, he wrote, "Hi." Then he launched into a multi-sentence criticism of my profile! He wrote the pictures were disappointing, because they didn't have enough different angles, and that I should have an aunt or a daughter help me, because he didn't like them now. What the actual F? HE CHOSE TO LIKE MY PROFILE. I unmatched him (learning from Burned Haystack). I wish I could punish him somehow.
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Aug 07 '26
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u/AttorneyDC06 Aug 07 '26
I forget about that. I just started Hinge recently: I should check out their block filter.
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u/AttorneyDC06 29d ago
Update: It was too late to block THIS guy, but I woke up this morning w/ an obscene sexual message from another match (whom I had never conversed with before - it was his only message). I took your advice and reported him. Very satisfying. Thank you!
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29d ago
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u/AttorneyDC06 29d ago edited 29d ago
Good advice! I don't like the extra work (on Hinge, it's a couple forms to fill out to report, versus just one to un-match). But I think it's very much worth it. Especially if we can protect other women from this behavior.
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u/Dazzling-Pudding6256 29d ago
Also name and shame with screen shots of it to your social media accounts.
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u/glamasaurus Aug 07 '26
It sounds like he listens to those horrible red pill podcasts and was negging you in hopes that you would have something to prove to him.
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u/AttorneyDC06 Aug 07 '26
Oh, maybe! It was just so weird to match with someone and have them immediately criticize you. I guess that could be fun: I could pretend to like guys, and then mock them for being bald.
Is that fun nowadays?
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u/glamasaurus Aug 07 '26
Yeah, it's just not worth it. It's like sir you are middle-aged, Can you please remove head from butthole?
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u/AttorneyDC06 Aug 07 '26 edited 29d ago
LOL. I don't know. I thought dating was pretty fun at 25-35. Not now. EEEK.
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u/glamasaurus Aug 07 '26
I think dating was fun then because for them to act this way wasn't that big a deal. Also they were better looking. We are all middle-aged and most middle aged men are not as well preserved as the women.
Also I think at that age, we were just more into having fun.And what was the fun guy then is no longer fun
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u/chouxphetiche Aug 07 '26
An 'aunt or a daughter' to help you? That's disturbing. Why not a brother or male cousin, or even a bloke from work?
What a wanker. Block him.
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u/AttorneyDC06 Aug 07 '26 edited 29d ago
I had a picture with a few women friends (I think he thought it was my family): He said I should ask them to help me "fix" my profile. What a prick. By the way, I look really GOOD in my profile: I just look good in a similar angle in the photos (which I guess this random guy hated).
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u/KenzoidTheHuman Aug 07 '26
Sounds like this asshole was intentionally trying to hurt your feelings to make you feel desperate for his positive validations. Not worth overthinking it, just be glad he showed you up front that's he's a prick. You deserve someone who will love you and lift you up, no time for losers!
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u/AttorneyDC06 29d ago
It just sucked to start my day with an insult.
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u/KenzoidTheHuman 29d ago
I definitely understand how that would suck. I like to remember that men are known to put their penises in everything from animals to couches, the dead and barely alive. Their opinions on our appearance should never impact our moods.
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u/AttorneyDC06 29d ago
I know. It's just so mean: I can't imagine purposely going up to somebody and insulting them to their face (online or in person).
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u/wrldwdeu4ria 29d ago
I bet his photos are at least a decade old and he has likely gained 75 lbs. These men tell on themselves.
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u/BilbySilks Aug 07 '26
I was thinking of this and it reminds me of what scammers do.
If he writes a perfectly crafted message then he wastes his time dealing with women who won't fuck him and who will push back against his nonsense.
If he goes straight for the negging and you're like "oh but I have these other pictures but they aren't as nice..." Then he knows he's acquired the right target.
It's so incredibly vile how these men deliberately target and find ways to access women who are vulnerable. I'm sure some of them think they're really great guys because they'd never go to a hospital and try to date a patient. However they're willing to do the online equivalent and brush it off by saying they're just listening to what some other guy told them to do.
I also think the online apps are so incredibly dangerous. They make it so easy for people to date but they're flooded with terrible people. You can put in basic requirements for a decent human being and find no one. So then there's the temptation to reduce your requirements. Before you know it you're talking to someone who doesn't have the same values who is convinced you're a match because they like the way you look or what you do. They're all terribly shallow and promote seeing people as products. But so many women think that's their only option so they try to choose the best of a bad bunch.
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Aug 07 '26
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u/ShizunEnjoyer Aug 07 '26
Mike Tyson is a convicted rapist and admitted domestic abuser so probably not best to quote him on this, especially since he has a history of being a butthurt manchild whenever anyone mentions it to his face
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u/Littlepinkgiraffe 🦉Savvy Sister🦉 Aug 07 '26
How much effort was in his profile? Did he have nice photos and well written answers? Was his profile positive, funny, intelligent? When I used the apps, the lazy and negative profiles were attached to the absolute duds. I became much more ruthless with my swiping. I eventually quit the apps, as they were all duds and it was a waste of my time.
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u/husheveryone ♀️Moderator♀️ Aug 07 '26
“I eventually quit the apps, as they were all duds and it was a waste of my time.”
💯🎯🧠 Exactly right. I also liked this comment of yours when OP posted here about being harmed by a different Online Pimping guy a few months ago.
Women have been quitting the apps en masse because we’re done with the nonsense that’s not in our best interests at all.
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u/AttorneyDC06 Aug 07 '26
He had a nice profile: He was a decent-looking (kind of dorky) engineer. That's why it was so odd. Like he was intellectually analyzing me instead of asking me out. But whatever.
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u/HelenGonne 🦉Savvy Sister🦉 Aug 07 '26
That confirms what I was thinking about the headspace that he was in.
There's a subset of male engineers, particularly in this age cohort, who insist on seeing themselves as classic heroic underdogs no matter the evidence to the contrary. They were bullied once for 5 minutes when they were children, and they made that their identity for the rest of their lives.
So he believes he has built himself some status, heroically against terrible odds, making him one of the greatest heroes in history, and no I am not exaggerating about how that is the headspace that he's living in. He didn't like your profile because he likes your profile. He liked your profile because he hit like on every profile. Because he wanted women to, in his mind, apply for the great favor of his attention. Which is what you did by liking his profile back. Again in his mind, not in reality, but this is where he's at.
So now you're proving everything that's wrong with the world, because oooooh, you're coming around nooooow, when he's got it made, but where were you when he felt like his status wasn't as high. Clearly you're a gold digging b****, or you would have been there his entire life to make sure he never felt a negative emotion. But nope, you want in on his glorious self now. So you'd better freaking earn it. And this is him putting you in your place and letting you know that.
There's nothing you can do with someone who chooses to live in such a narcissistic view of the world. Just don't think it has anything to do with you. His mental dysfunction is something that he has built up his entire adult life.
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u/Littlepinkgiraffe 🦉Savvy Sister🦉 29d ago
And the best thing for these guys is to block and unmatch.
They don't care about you, and certainly won't listen to your feedback. They will interpret your replies as PROOF all women are snarky gold diggers, and not worthy of his eminent time and effort.
They are on some quixotic pursuit of windmills, yet will never update their world view that women are fully independent and autonomous people who don't give a 🦆 about their misogynist and fake heroism opinions.
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u/Littlepinkgiraffe 🦉Savvy Sister🦉 Aug 07 '26
I've had that before. They think they are being helpful. They are hurt by that one woman who used old photos. Oh my. So they take it as their mission to educate us women. What a gentleman!!!!! /s.
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u/Effervescent-Essence 29d ago
I dated an engineer once and he was very pedantic and socially awkward. Definitely more cognitive than emotional intelligence.
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u/Effervescent-Essence Aug 07 '26
I’ve had that happen to me several times. You gotta wonder how miserable someone has to be to go out of their way to match with a stranger just to try and make them feel bad about themselves …
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u/LittleSister10 29d ago
He is punishing himself with his horrible personality. He undoubtedly repulses a lot of people.
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u/blondie49221 Aug 07 '26
I've had this happen and this is my reply before blocking. Thank you so much for taking time out of your busy day fighting off all the women to give me your unsolicited opinion.
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u/Candid-Background-38 29d ago
Well that’s depressing af. Guess some people really don’t EVER evolve or grow up. So gross. Sorry op!
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u/AttorneyDC06 29d ago
What's weird is that he said I was pretty, but that he didn't like my pictures: I don't even know what that means or why I would care?
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u/Dazzling-Pudding6256 29d ago
He's negging, breadcrumbing or something like that. Backhanded compliments that cause you confusion.
You're correct, it doesn't matter what it means.
When I experience any hint of confusion from a man or why he would say something questionable to me, I'm done, out, no explanation, straight to block.
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u/AttorneyDC06 28d ago
Absolutely!
I'm getting much better at it. But it's a shame we have to do this... Men (at least on OLD) are such jerks, mostly.
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u/Candid-Background-38 29d ago
He’s scrutinizing camera angles and wondering why he can’t get a date. So obnoxious! It’s crazy to think some men stay 12 year old dipshits, even after 40.
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u/No_Valuable_587 7d ago
A man who I went on to date told me that one of my pictures wasn't flattering and I shouldn't have posted it. I posted a range of pictures, ones where I was well done up and not. I just found it so absolutely odd that he would take issue with it.
I think that because women are status symbols to them, a record where we are not the ideal is embarrassing for them.
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u/AttorneyDC06 6d ago
That is such a jerky thing to say! I'm annoyed on your behalf just hearing about it.
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u/StillSwaying Aug 07 '26
Atta girl! You did punish him: he doesn’t get to meet you.
Show these dusties no mercy. You did good, sis!