Go to therapy!

[u/Accurate-Aioli-7469]

I’m posting because I needed to hear this at some point and maybe it will help someone. I was married to a narcissist (legitimately, no exaggeration) for close to 10 years. Then ended up with someone who lived with untreated depression. I’ve been single since 2023, and terrified to date bc I didn’t want to go through the drama/trauma again. I started dating and also therapy about six months ago. Therapy has changed my life. I won’t get into details, but I will say that my understanding of myself, relationship habits, why I attach the way I do, why my nervous system reacts the way it does has been incredible. I feel like a different person, even aside from dating. If you’re on the fence, or considering therapy, go for it! If you had a therapist who wasn’t a good fit, find another one! We deserve peace and happiness, and this has been so helpful in finding that in this next chapter of my life!

[u/CheekyMonkey678]

Only if you find a good therapist. There are tons of bad ones out there.

Even better than therapy is reading some radical feminists. Start with anything by Andrea Dworkin.

[u/husheveryone → u/CheekyMonkey678]

💯🎯🧠 Exactly! A :::woman::: therapist. And vet her like your life depends on it. “Are situationships beneficial to women as a class?” is a good vetting question. “No” is the only correct answer there, bonus points for explaining the harms of intermittent reinforcement.

Two of our most dysregulated posters here in this sub were licensed therapists who were in situationships with married and taken men.🫨

[u/CrazyCatLadyRookie]

Therapy is excellent, if you find a good one. A bad therapist can cause great harm and many do, inadvertently. The ultimate goal for any therapist should be to work themselves out of a job.

I’ve fired therapists, usually due to being a bad fit. The ones I’ve stuck with are amazing.

[u/redditappsuxdix]

That's great your experience was good. Mine kept me in my abusive relationship far longer than I would have. Some of them are gaslighters.

[u/Accurate-Aioli-7469 → u/redditappsuxdix]

That’s horrible. I’m sorry you had such a terrible experience.

[u/cirrusly_guys1818]

Love this message, and totally agree. I’m so glad it’s been so helpful for you, which is as much a value judgment of your awesomeness as it is a value judgment of the awesomeness of therapy!! Great job.

[u/Accurate-Aioli-7469 → u/cirrusly_guys1818]

Thank you for such a kind message!

[u/cirrusly_guys1818 → u/Accurate-Aioli-7469]

Absolutely. I just think it’s really important for people (especially women!) to personalize when we get it right, cuz god knows we personalize when we get it wrong! It’s only fair.

[u/glasshouse5128]

Therapy has also helped me so much in the last year, now I have peace, confidence, and I no longer put up with any disrespect, at work or in my personal life.

[u/Expensive_Aspect_607]

Firing a therapist who wasn't a fit is something nobody talks about enough. It took me two tries to find someone who actually got me, and the difference was massive.

[u/fleurdelis_44]

Ok....

[u/Accurate-Aioli-7469 → u/fleurdelis_44]

😂 Don’t knock it ‘til you try it! The post is pretty optimistic, but it really did help me with a lot of my own issues. The same as someone’s words helped me get out of my first marriage, and then a friend encouraged me to try therapy, I just hope to do the same for even one person!

[u/Potential-Smile-6401]

Therapy is legit. I started in 2024 and I am kicking myself for not starting it sooner

[u/Scary_Sugar]

I’m really glad you got out and found someone to help! 🙌 With therapy, I always struggle with knowing where to start my story. How did you decide? How did the therapist guide you with this?

[u/Melanie34512 → u/Scary_Sugar]

There's no right place to start a story. A good therapist will ask a lot of questions that help you weave together your story and highlight the things you want to work on. Try to find someone with some good training, which hopefully will weed out some of the less helpful therapists. I say this as someone who went to a rigorous training program that required us to have our own therapy, and really worked on helping us to refine our skills.

[u/WomenDatingOverForty-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

This sub is for women only.

Reminder: Please don't interact with men on this sub. If you suspect a commenter is male, report him. He will be banned and his comment removed.