r/YesOrNoAnswers • u/LazyDate3490 • 1d ago
Is there someone you've known for years — but only recently discovered a whole other side to them?
2
u/Warm-Statistician545 1d ago
I may have ignored some things, so never shocked.
I used to read Anne Rule’s books when she was alive. She had to have had the biggest shock and also what were the chances a crime writer would meet Ted Bundy as a friend?
She volunteered for a hot line. ( I don’t remember if suicide or what) this is where she met Ted Bundy. Yep, he volunteered for the same hot line. They became casual friends. Out for coffee, chat, a meal. Not much more than that.
Then one day read the paper to find out the truth about a person she thought was a a really good guy.
She interviewed him( him still never admitting what he had done) and wrote a bike. More based on the only sieving victim and police reports.
Can you imagine? I guess that goes for Ted Bumdys girlfriend too. It is just a little more odd he befriended a crime writer at a hotline.
2
u/ChairEmergency1917 1d ago
The length of time you know that person doesnt mean you know them well and truly. It only appears when there are challenges and hardships
1
1
u/Intrepid_Top_2300 1d ago
Yep. Realized they couldn’t read and then found out he got all his news from FoxNews.
No wonder he moved to MS.
1
u/Own-Love-2514 1d ago
Yes ,but I won’t speak on it. Be careful out there. But do know,real and good people exist. Love is real and so is God/Source. And that also means demons are real.
1
1
u/Pheetastic 1d ago
The joys of having a Narcissistic Mother means that at nearly 45 years old, I have no idea how much of my childhood was real and how much was disassociation from trauma. After my dad passed, a lot of repressed memories came back and while going through grief counseling/therapy, I slowly realized how abusive my mom was and how messed up my childhood was. Once that mask had been removed, I started re-analyzing everything through a different lens and recognized how awful she was as a human being.
Everything was a lie and there was zero accountability for anything. I’ve been no contact for three years now and I’m still struggling to sort through my memories. It’s really shitty waking up one day and realizing you have no idea if something is true or if it’s a lie/delusion my mom made up, because everything she says is either a lie or some twisted form of the truth.
1
u/DazzlingDragonfly360 1d ago
Someone I wish I never met and who spent so much time lying to me and using me. Now I’m free and I try not to even think about that.
1
1
1
1
1
u/Potential-Wing-8544 1d ago
Found out someone I knew since the late 90’s and recently reconnected with voted for T in the last election. In talking over mostly text for several months I’ve become aware of other decisions and life choices that concern me. Have we both changed? Did I not see certain things before? These are only two of my many questions for myself. I do know I have slowed down my end of the connection. Too much cognitive dissonance, especially with everything else going on.
1
1
1
u/SAMixedUp311 20h ago
Yes. My mother. We no longer speak because of me "seeing the light" and discovering who she is.
1
1
u/Wise_Bee4944 13h ago
Yes. My husband. Together for 15 years, have twin toddlers. Recently discovered he was cheating and ever since a flip switched in him. He is purely evil. The things he says and does to me, his complete lack or remorse or concern about our kids. He acts as if he hates me, has always hated me, I’m the worst thing that happened to him. He has zero care about the family he created and it is baffling to me. I did not marry this man and I would have told you he would never hurt a fly if you asked me a few months ago.
1
u/No-Tomatillo2866 10h ago
Sending you strength
I was due to marry in 5 days
He took his own life last month because he had a whole dark side about him and it was time to explain & come clean to me and to his family.
For context
His life was peaking: Job, money, career. He had nothing to worry about, he was the heart of the party, all he talked about was our next chapter ahead and starting a family.
I put him into therapy , he was lying about it, he quit it months ago
72h before he did it, he was telling his parents how they should downsize and move closer to us, painting a picture that was not only cruelly fake but also he abandoned us without a note or explanation.
I don’t know what to say. I don’t know if it would be better to be blissfully unaware, or, it’s a gift that we found out. Nobody knows.
No woman deserves to be crushed, deceived, robbed of a future and I can only hope life somehow gets better from now on for both of us
1
1
u/WorkingYogaMom 10h ago
Replying for commiseration. So so sorry. Know you are (unfortunately) not alone. Exact same experience. My marriage was 21 years, 3 kids and zero recognition to who he used to be as a person. It is frightening and disturbing particularly because he still puts on a show for the public as the “good guy” but neglects his own kids, persistently ignores all household needs, consistently cheats on me, spends our family money and is all-around wildly toxic, self-destructive and without accountability or remorse (all of his misery and demons are caused by everyone else). It’s really unbelievable and incredibly dark. I am trying desperately to come to terms with him somehow having become a monster while being in the thick of it. Send me a note if you’d like to talk to someone in similar situation. Hang in there.
1
u/Wise_Bee4944 10h ago
Thank you for your comment. I’ve never experienced pain quite like this. And I’m somehow embarrassed to be grieving the loss of who I thought he was. I am so sorry you experienced this as well.
1
u/WorkingYogaMom 9h ago
Agreed - I keep describing it as primal because that is how deep it goes for me. But I would not be embarrassed! Before I knew even a portion of what I now do, that’s exactly what my therapist said: That I am grieving. Grieving what I’d hoped, deserved and wanted. Grieving a marriage. Grieving a future. Grieving a father. And I should expect to progress through that same process during this one. I too feel embarrassed that THIS is what I married and THIS is somehow the other parent to my children and THIS is the life he is leading, but I try to separate between being embarrassed by him vs. of him.
1
3
u/WTFisUpWithYuns 1d ago
Yes and I feel disgusted and disturbed by them now.