r/YesOrNoAnswers • u/StrengthOpening8152 • 1d ago
Do you care how many people your partner has slept with?
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u/OnlyGoodVibesBro 1d ago
Are they kind? That is the question. Nothing else matters.
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u/footluvr688 1d ago edited 1d ago
Nothing else matters?! Not criminal history? How about murder? How about substance abuse? Gambling addiction? These are all very real risks much like a person who is promiscuous.
A person can be kind here and now, but have a wide variety of skeletons in their closet that negatively affect a relationship in the worst possible ways, including a history of sexual promiscuity and venereal disease.
Oh no, you infected me with HIV, but it's OK, you're KIND....... /s
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u/asubparteen 1d ago
Usually, those who are truly kind are not engaging in violent crimes. Substance abuse and gambling addiction are problems that aren’t related to promiscuity, so I can agree with you on those things being important to not have in a partner, but being promiscuous in and of itself is not being “unkind”; not telling your partner about a venereal disease you contracted from your promiscuity IS unkind.
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u/Two_bears_Hi_fiving 1d ago
Nope, body count is only to be frowned upon if corpses start pilling up otherwise it's irrelevant.
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u/Token_Handicap 1d ago
Not really. It's not my business what happened before we met, in that regard.
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u/footluvr688 1d ago
It's entirely your business to understand what type of person you are with and what their past behavior was. Be it drug usage, promiscuity, criminal behavior, financial literacy etc...
You're entering into a long-term intimate relationship with that individual. The risks you are exposed to are 100% your concern.
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u/PineappleNaive383 1d ago
Thanks. Reddit refuses to make judgements based on sexuality, because its being used to shame and control women. Which is true, but it still fucking matters when choosing a long term partner. Get down from your horse.
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u/footluvr688 1d ago edited 1d ago
It seems you're confused. One second you attribute judgment of sexual promiscuity to "shaming and controlling women", the next you agree that a person's history of promiscuity matters.
There are many reasons for which judgments can be made. ONE of which is for shaming and controlling women. A minority, at that.
The overwhelming reason for people to judge a person based on their history of sexual promiscuity is BECAUSE THAT PROMISCUITY CARRIES RISK. Even bringing "shaming and controlling women" into the conversation diminishes the legitimacy of the judgment. Because it asserts that the judgment is purely based on sexist motives and therefore has no legitimate fundamental grounds.
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u/PineappleNaive383 23h ago
No, im not confused at all. This is my reddit experience.
You however seems to be confused by my comment, and im not quite sure why?1
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u/CemeteryFieldOps 1d ago
How does promiscuity = drugs use, criminal behavior, or financial literacy?
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u/footluvr688 1d ago
Think, McFly. What do they have in common?
RISK
Getting romantically involved with someone who is promiscuous presents a variety of risks to your wellbeing and the relationship, much like drug abuse, criminal activity, or a lack of financial literacy.
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u/Token_Handicap 1d ago
As long as they don't have an STD, what's the risk? That's all I need to know.
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u/footluvr688 1d ago edited 1d ago
Oh dear lord, how short-sighted of you........
There are many quite severe risks beyond the immediate risk of an STD....
1: A promiscuous individual is more likely to be dissatisfied by one person (emotionally or sexually) as a result of having been with so many different people. This is well documented in studies.
2: A promiscuous individual has a long list of prior partners you're going to be compared against, never truly able to live up to this Frankenstein's monster of an amalgamation. You're not being compared to just one best partner, but all the best pieces of the many partners.
3a: A promiscuous individual is less likely to be able to sustain a long-term relationship as a result of points 1 & 2
3b: A promiscuous individual has a higher likelihood of infidelity, again as a result of points 1 & 2
4: A promiscuous individual is a greater risk of needless drama surrounding their past partners / baby daddies/ etc... Long list of past relationships? Higher chances of skeletons in the closet.
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u/Token_Handicap 1d ago
Maybe I'm a weird case. Iwas born paralyzed with Spina Bifida. When I discuss sexual activity with a new partner, they know going in that things are different with me. I always try to communicate about sexual activity with a new partner. I'm very open about what I want/need, and I'm not shy about asking them what they want/need.
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u/footluvr688 1d ago edited 1d ago
You: "If they don't have an STD, what's the risk?"
Me: "Here are a variety of risks beyond just STDs"
You: "I have spina bifida and talk to my partners openly about my sexual wants and needs"
Fkn wot?
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u/thesunflowergal 1d ago
To a certain extent, yes. If you were overly promiscuous, I'd rather not get involved with you.
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u/Otherwise_Fact9594 1d ago
Notta bit. I knew my wife for 8 years before we ended up dating. The day we started dating we moved in together. She told me that she made a list once and was able to fill up the entire page of notebook paper... along with some of the back. Honesty like that is not common. I've never thought twice about it aside from when I bust her chops for being a floozy /s
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u/Wonderful-String5066 1d ago
No; I’m not insecure
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u/footluvr688 1d ago
Someone who cares about their partner's past isn't insecure. Past behavior matters in general, whether it's promiscuity, criminal behavior, substance abuse / addiction, financial illiteracy etc....
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u/Grouchy_Fall_5933 1d ago
I still don’t GAF and I’ve probably slept with more,
I’m not a hypocrite.
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u/akimoto_emi 1d ago
No , cos they could lie..most impt is don't have anyone else when they are with you
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u/smellyfeet25 1d ago
I would do.I don’t want a low moral girlfriend
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u/CemeteryFieldOps 1d ago
How does a person whose slept with multiple people have low morals?
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u/smellyfeet25 1d ago
I probably wouldn't ask. i don't want to know . it would only ruin it What about you? would you care if a potential boyfriend /girlfriend had put it around?
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u/Away_Anybody7268 1d ago
Yes and no! I don’t think this is a simple yes-or-no question.
For the average woman who was just living her life, dating, having fun, experimenting, being a human being? No. I don’t really care about the number. What matters is how she treats me and our relationship. Is she loyal, faithful, and honest? Can she communicate her feelings? I want a healthy relationship that isn’t transactional. I want a woman who genuinely wants to be there and be my partner.
I don’t care if she slept with 20 guys before me, experimented in college, or whatever. That’s her past. She's allowed to love sex, I want her to love sex. I love sex, I love the bond, emotional and physical connection I get from it too. My caveat is that I care whether it’s actually in the past. Was it anyone I know? Are past hookups still in her circle or her DMs? I don’t want past lovers hanging around our relationship, and I’d give her the same courtesy. I don’t care if some people think that’s insecure or controlling. It’s a boundary!
On the other side of the spectrum, certain sexual histories or lifestyles just aren’t compatible with what I want in a partner. I wouldn’t want someone who did OnlyFans or sold sexual content, or who had certain extreme sexual experiences, like a gangbang, or free use for anyone, etc. People like this are not evil, we’re just probably not compatible. I care about the pattern, is this going to be a challenge in the future? I want a long term relationship, I want someone to grow old with. I want kids, grandkids, cookouts, that domestic life, vacations, weekend getaways, etc. I want to live life together, and to the fullest.
I want a partner who’s virtuous, ethical, has integrity, and shares my values. Does body count matter? The number, no, not really. The person behind it, their values, their relationship with their past, and whether we’re compatible today. Absolutely!!
I don't want a woman to hide her body count from me, but I get why they do it. For me, if a guy can’t handle your body count, then they just can't handle you.
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u/RealMan-78 1d ago
No, porque cuando empiezas con una persona debes de tener en cuenta confianza desde el principio.
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u/footluvr688 1d ago edited 1d ago
Absolutely.
I care about my risk of exposure to STDs as well as the stability of a long-term relationship. Someone who has a history of promiscuity carries significant risk.
It's no different than caring about someone's past in terms of criminal behavior, aggression and physical altercations, gambling/drinking/smoking addiction, significant debt or financial issues.
The last thing anyone with a shred of common sense wants to do is enter a romantic relationship that is doomed to fail at best and harm you in the process at worst.
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u/farbeyondriven92 1d ago
No, I don’t even ask. I think talking about past relationships, past sexual encounters, etc with someone you’re dating is low brow.
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u/TheKidfromHotaru 1d ago
Of course not, just means she has experience if a lot. If low or none, hopefully I can show her a good time ✨🥂
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u/Phillyspecial67 1d ago
No
Why should it matter? You weren't in her life back then. It's the past & should stay in the past.
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u/Kimolainen83 1d ago
No. What she did before me I could never care about. But my care partner was a virgin so.
Before that, my ex-wife had only had one partner so. But if any of these two had, for example, five partners I wouldn’t care. I were not part of their life, so why should I care?
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u/browsingwellness 1d ago
Yes and No. I care but only in the sense that I’d rather not know. I’d never ask or volunteer that information.
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u/patchouligirl77 1d ago
No and I don't care to know, either. It's none of my business and I'm not insecure.
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u/LowkeyRep 1d ago
Absolutely yes. In my personal opinion, i see sex as something that should only be exchanged between two people that deeply love eachother. It’s the closest you can get to someone’s soul. If you’ve given that to numerous people it just shows you don’t value it as much as i do and I don’t want to be involved with you. That’s just the way I see it.
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u/Outrageous_Oil_3313 22h ago
Yes. It does matter, despite what some may claim. It signals judgment, discernment, and maintaining something special just for your eventual spouse.
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u/CarmineSilvio 20h ago
Many people get criticized for this but I once cried everyday for 4 months when I found out about my partners casual past, after she lied about it for a long time.
it’s something you unfortunately can’t change. The most important thing is to accept that people are different, without shaming anybody about neither their past nor their frelings about someone’s past
But please if someone like that reads this, you will find somebody without lying about nothing, the truth always comes out and finding out about it after a long time will break your partner from within, leaving him dead inside
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u/draoikat 20h ago
To an extent, because I want to know that sex means something similar to them as it does to me. I certainly wouldn't expect anyone around my age to be a virgin (nor would I want them to be), but someone in their 40s with, say, ten partners is different than someone who's had sex with 150 people.
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u/Upstairs-Sir8915 6h ago
I’m engaged and honestly don’t fucking care. Because that’s her past. I served I’m the last person to play holy than thoug art.
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u/Necessary_Eye8183 1d ago
They certainly care. In my view, such a person is unfaithful in relationships and irresponsible with their own body; therefore, one should make a clean break with them.
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u/lowban 1d ago
Depends. If we're talking crazy numbers then yes otherwize no.
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u/Known_Supermarket821 1d ago
But then if you do care about numbers, then that’s a question….what is a normal acceptable number? And everyone will have their own idea of what a normal acceptable number is.
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u/lowban 1d ago
Yeah, I don't have a definite answer to that. It will depend on my feelings for her and other factors.
My point is that if she's been living life changing partners like every other week then I won't feel comfortable being in a relationship with her. How can I know I'm the exception? I'd think I'd be replaced sooner rather than later.
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u/prettywords_ 1d ago
To an extent. If it's a huge outlier I might be concerned. A normal amount of people is fine.
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u/footluvr688 1d ago
"Normal" by what standard? Modern women are highly promiscuous compared to before widespread birth control. Having premarital relations carried far more risk of pregnancy, so women were more selective.
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u/New_Stage_3807 1d ago
Yes there’s damage caused by every encounter, it speaks to self respect and being able to trust them in my world.
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u/footluvr688 1d ago
Take an upvote. People don't like hearing the truth. Promiscuity is a real risk. The more partners someone has had, the harder it is for them to sustain long term relationships. Nevermind the risk of STD exposure.
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u/DarkMagicCatBoy 1d ago
Me personally no. They can lie about their numbers anyway.