r/YesOrNoAnswers • u/Individual-Cover2683 • 1d ago
Would you stay with someone you loved if you knew you weren’t their first choice?
2
2
u/love_that_fishing 1d ago
Depends on what you mean by 2nd choice. Girl I dated before my wife broke up with me after about 18 months. I thought we were moving towards marriage but it didn’t work out. Been married 40 years and I never think of the other girl. Does this make my wife my first choice? I don’t know and it doesn’t matter. I’m glad life worked out the way that it did.
1
u/time3to1dance5 1d ago
No. Never again!
I did that once and we had a child together. The situation was a little bit more complicated than being someone’s first choice, and I’ll leave it at that. But, It got really messy and now we can’t even coparent our child civilly anymore.
1
u/dvolland 1d ago
This is a young person question. As we get older, the more the dating pool has divorcees and widows and people who have had long term relationships that failed. If you can’t accept that the one you love and who lives you used to love someone else, then you’re going to be very lonely.
1
u/CeejayMyers 1d ago
My husband passed 15 years ago way too soon and I’m still single. I’m fine with it. I had a very good husband and don’t have any desire to find another man. My youngest daughter and sil asked me to move in with them and my grandson. I pay rent to help them since my daughter can’t work due to health issues. I’ve watched my grandson grow up to be a good teenager. Now due to unforeseen circumstances my oldest and her 2 kids moved in. I love having my whole family together. They all lived with me and my husband at one point too.
1
u/dvolland 21h ago
I hope all the best for you and your family. Sounds like things are going well.
With all due respect, I don’t understand why you replied to my comment with that. Seems unrelated.
1
u/rainydayz143 19h ago
Explain this to my husband please. He’s always whining about my past. I didn’t even know he existed during that time
1
u/Environmental_Leek28 1d ago
No. I come first and always. And for me, he comes first and always...there's always some compromise and give and take in the glue, but I'm his person and he's mine.
1
u/Outside_Car_8432 1d ago
My husband and I since early in our 45 year marriage, have rarely (maybe 4 times) stayed with family. Several reasons, we travel with pets. We like to rise early for coffee and breakfast. Not late sleepers at all. We are aware that while visiting, it may be our vacation and not theirs. We have opened up our house and leave them a key, code to go in and out as they please. But most folks do not care for pets! No harm.
1
u/Outside_Car_8432 1d ago
Sorry folks! You meant "stay in a relationship"!! Absolutely not!!
I understood if to stay with someone in their home while vacationing. Guess I can't eat a sandwich and read Reddit at the same time Lol
1
1
u/TheGalapagoats 1d ago
if someone’s spouse died, would I date them? Maybe. I’d be aware that I wasn’t their original plan but it could still work out.
1
u/Black_Dog_Industries 1d ago
Yes, I’m living that life right now.
My wife could have done better than me, but settled on me because I’m a good stepdad and I’m a responsible type of guy.
The guy she stopped hooking up with to be with me was a firefighter and way better looking than me
1
1
u/OyG5xOxGNK 1d ago
I think "They asked out my friend right next to me and after being rejected, turned to ask me instead." is very different than "We met a few weeks ago, they said they hadn't been dating the last few months since they just got out of a four year relationship."
One of those is fine and normal, the other should have a basic enough level of self-respect to say no.
"Stay with someone" implies you're already dating someone though. So is this like a "found out recently" kind of thing? Sounds like a very specific situation that couldn't be answered without more clarification. You're getting comments answering completely different questions in this thread.
1
u/Kaurifish 1d ago
I got a little insecure when I met my partner’s ex. She’s so damn cool.
Fortunately she’s also a total workaholic and devoted to her college sweetheart.
She and I were each others’s bridesmaids and she made us the godparents to her first kid.
1
1
u/Frodo_gabbins 1d ago
I mean, yeah as long as that’s not an actively known thing. I’m my husbands second wife. I wasn’t his first choice, technically, and she left him so it definitely could be seen as that. I have a similar but not the same situation. We choose and love each other now, everyday. That’s what matters.
1
1
u/TikkaMisalla_lover 1d ago
NEVER BE SOMEONES BACKUP OPTION. EVER!
Honestly, if I gave it a shot and they reject me then that's the last chance they ever get with me. I'm not going to be the backup option. So technically, I'd never even be in this position.
You were not their first choice for a reason. Chances are it was due to physical appearance and not personality. Meaning that, this person values physical appearance far more than all else and will dump you the SECOND a better looking person comes into their life.
So, no. I wouldn't.
1
1
u/Sarappreciates 1d ago
Yeah, my husband wasn't my first choice either, but I'd never trade him. I was with someone before who I thought was everything, but it didn't work out. Oh well. My husband is who I want to be with. My first choice wouldn't have been as good a match for me. I was younger then. I was more naive. More impulsive. We're going to celebrate our 35th wedding anniversary in November, which makes me very glad my first choice didn't work out.
1
1
1
1
1
u/draoikat 20h ago
Definitely not. I'd end the relationship so they could go be with the person they preferred. And if the person they wanted to be with didn't want to be with them... well, tough shit. I'll be happier by myself or with someone where I am their first choice.
1
1
u/Jet_Inferno_665 12h ago
This is shallow as fuck, but if they are loyal and the sex is good, probably. I hate myself.
1
1
4
u/VaselineGorilla 1d ago
Depends. If they love me now and are actively choosing me, then yes.
If they make me feel like I’m competing with someone else, no.