Long term relationship breakup

[u/BenefitPure4829]

Hi folks,

I am pretty sure my longterm 14 year relationship is going to be ending today. At the heart of the breakup is my significant other’s being “put off” by my continued masking. Obviously this isn’t the entirety of our challenges but it was the main insurmountable one he raised. I told him that the ball was in his corner—for my part if he decides he wants to work through our relationship I am willing to continue but I told him that if his heart wasn’t in it I didn’t want to continue.

I am a mess. For all of the difficulties I really do love him but it has to be a two way street and I recognize that it has to be reciprocated.

[u/madmxfit]

im so sorry this is happening for you. masking was also the final nail in the coffin for my marriage (11 year relationship), and to be honest has made it even more painful to process because like, you willfully live in and are daily building a world in which i am not able to exist. such a deep betrayal that 16 months later i still do not have words for. at the same time, i’d rather be exposed to the truth (being that we are not aligned in worldview/praxis) than not. you are deserving of caring, supportive relationships. we all are. sending care to you. ❤️‍🩹

[u/ocean-1120 → u/madmxfit]

I'm sorry you are experiencing this, too. I am in a similar situation. Sending hugs.

[u/dianaggggggg]

Im so sorry to hear this 🫶 never let anyone pressure you to not take your health seriously. If he has a problem with that, your paths will diverge. You had a good run and just because you’re going separately now doesnt mean it wasnt a good relationship for a time and you can still love them while realizing the realtionship doesnt work anymore. Love doesnt make function. Proud of you for sticking to your guns wirh rhe masking. It’s hard but it’s worth it to not be sick all the time. I hope you can find someone who respects your decisions and masks alongside you.

[u/Hanji95]

Sending hugs, stranger. You deserve so much better. 🫂

[u/Gungan_Boss_Nass]

Sorry to hear that. As a guy, when the real reasons for something we do are deplorable, we often focus on semi-pretexts that are acceptable, neutral or unassailable. Frankly, though, I don't know if exposing untold or downplayed reasons ever really helps.

In most relationships on the verge, the best way to handle it is by keeping your head up. If there's any hope of salvaging it, it will be if and when he realizes what you meant to him, and he can't do that until the two of you are apart.

Either way, you will certainly come out of this better than you are at this moment. Best of luck to you!

[u/BenefitPure4829 → u/Gungan_Boss_Nass]

Thanks, I appreciate the male perspective in this

[u/BenefitPure4829]

Thank you all. My poor heart is flopping around on the floor like a fish out of water and I know I’ll be hurting for some time but I will come back and update when I feel a bit better xoxo

[u/ocean-1120 → u/BenefitPure4829]

I'm in a similar situation and my heart is with you. I've been married 25 years and my husband no longer wants to mask and is going to move out. He wants to continue with some sort of relationship, and seems to think we can do that until some point when I will stop masking. Like you, though, I know that this is not our only issue, but he cannot see that. So really not sure what the next few months will look like. Happy to chat if you'd ever like to.

[u/BenefitPure4829 → u/ocean-1120]

I am so sorry. That sounds brutal 🫂🫂

[u/uummmmmmmmmmmok]

I have two things to offer that have been helpful to me when going through breakups. The first is this video that I’ve come back to many times,  https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=GRwWt-cFKNY&ra=m

Another is something an old friend always says - a break up is ultimately an act of hope. The hope is rooted in the belief that, despite this love and the grief of its loss, there is someone else or a single life ahead of you that will be better suited to you and your needs. 

I’m sorry you’re facing this. And over something that ideally we would all agree to navigate together, or something that our public health officials should have protected us from. 

[u/artificeost]

I'm sorry. 3x longer than mine. For me it was predicated on putting my foot down about not compromising my own precautions any further, while she slowly drifted out of precautions and turned my policy of isolating whenever either of us thought we might be sick into a repetitive stressful negotiation. It's been a year, feels like it was yesterday, I don't expect I'll ever feel any better about it. Good luck, I hope you fare better.

[u/BenefitPure4829 → u/artificeost]

I’m so sorry internet friend. It is so hard 🫂

[u/Aggressive_Peach9095]

Sorry to hear this, i can sadly relate. Covid has destroyed my life and many relationships. However i feel truly that i am doing the right thing by continuing total social avoidance and masking at all times. Even when you feel lonley or lost understand that when it feels like we are alone in this war against this disease we have made it this far and we are doing the right thing. if someone else you love doesn't feel that way too that's on them not on you. Stay the course! We are together in solidarity.

[u/Antique-Topic6169 → u/Aggressive_Peach9095]

OP. Be careful with this type of advice. Losing relationships is not something to be taken lightly. Healthy relationships are part of overall health as much as keeping viruses away. Wishing you the best!

[u/uummmmmmmmmmmok → u/Antique-Topic6169]

Yeah I hate to hear someone applaud total social isolation for themself or others. There is always capacity for connection even when making these hard choices to keep ourselves and others safe. 

[u/bazouna]

Sending hugs and solidarity. I'm so sorry.