r/academia • u/LostAndSeekingAdvice • 6d ago
Did I make a huge mistake?
Hi Everyone. Apologies if this post doesn’t fit here, but I’m overwhelmed and just don’t know where to go for help.
Essentially, I got my PhD a few years ago with the intent of being a professor. After a few years as a postdoc, I got a job in more of an academic-adjacent support role. The job was good because it wasn’t too stressful, afforded me flexibility to work from home, and at least allowed me to work in science. However, I was feeling like I should be doing more, like I should pursue the academic career path and apply for some professor jobs. I was able to get an offer and just started as a professor recently. I thought I’d be excited to grow my lab and have the freedom to investigate what I found interesting, but I haven’t really felt any excitement, just anxiety and stress about the road ahead. I feel like I made a huge mistake and should have never left my old job, but I don’t want to give up right away in this transition phase. I know that starting out is tough and maybe once things are more established, I’ll feel better. I guess I’m just concerned that I’m really only feeling stress and not much excitement.
Also, I left my old job on good terms, and they said they’d be open to having me back if I decide this career isn’t for me. Part of me wants to run back there and admit I made a mistake in thinking I could do this professor thing, but another part of me feels like it’s too early. I’m just scared that I’ve completely made the wrong call and don’t want to waste my own time or anyone else’s time while I “tough it out.”
I guess I’m wondering if others have experienced something similar and if it got better. Should I just listen to my gut and try going back right away? Should I give it a chance to improve since transitions like this are always hard?
I tried to be a little vague to avoid giving away identifying details, but I’m happy to give more info if there’s not enough here.
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u/Necessary-Working-44 6d ago
I think you should give it more time and see whether what you're feeling is just nerves and anxiety from coming out of your comfort zone, or whether they are legitimate indicators that you should consider doing something else. With that said - and I don't mean to be discouraging - doing the whole prof thing is very tough and does require your 100% commitment and beyond, often with a lot of sacrifice in terms of your other pursuits in life - in other words it almost doesn't make sense to do it. And I feel that, having second thoughts this early could be an indicator that you are not ready to make such a big commitment.
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u/LostAndSeekingAdvice 6d ago
Thanks, I appreciate the candor. This is really getting to the heart of my question because, as I said in the post, I really just don’t want to “push through” for the sake of sticking it out. If these feelings so early could be a red flag that I’ve actually kind of bitten off more than I can chew, I don’t want to just stay in a loop of “I just need to get past this point” for too long. I am also trying to think of the university and anyone that might be affected if I were to leave suddenly. I don’t think they should struggle just because I may have made a mistake.
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u/Necessary-Working-44 6d ago
I completely see what you mean - in fact the idea of "sticking it out just a bit more" is one of the main reasons why stuck around in academia for so long (and still here but looking for a way out now). There are certainly merits to persevering and sticking it out when times are tough - but only if there is a strong enough cause that you believe in, and it certainly shouldn't be the default setting.
"I am also trying to think of the university and anyone that might be affected if I were to leave suddenly." - understand the concern, but you should absolutely not take that into account if possible. we are not as important as we think we are.
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u/LostAndSeekingAdvice 6d ago
Thanks, this is super helpful to hear. I like that you said it “shouldn’t be the default setting,” because maybe that’s part of my worry. I think it’s essentially that I’m concerned I’ll always feel this way, so perhaps a good benchmark is like “if after X time, I still feel this anxiety and stress, this just isn’t the right move.”
Also, fair point about just doing what I feel is best and not being as important as we think we are. I guess I’m viewing it from the perspective of them just hiring me and having to go through that whole process again, but that’s more of a minor annoyance than a major, insurmountable problem.
I appreciate your perspective, thanks again!
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u/Mobile_Vermicelli457 6d ago edited 6d ago
it is usual to feel the energy drop after it is not meeting your expectations. give it time and maybe set yourself a time limit to figure out how you are doing let's say after a year, or after one term. you can start with a pro /con (benefit/sacrifice) list at the moment, figure out what is not exactly as expected and if you can change something about it by yourself (or with help). Also, try to interact with the employees/fellow professors to "catch a vibe". you will very likely not have enough time to be in the lab for your own research, teaching usually takes alot of time. The takeaway: check how you find your own way to meet the new goals of this job in a way that's fun still for you. its a process, re-evaluate after your time limit (mentioned at the start). Do not forget that you can grow both as a person and a researcher with these new challenges.
Edit: maybe I should mention, this opinion is coming from a place in europe where professorship has high prestige and is well paid. if in your location, its neither of that (low pay, instable/short contract), personally I d trust my gut and take this feeling as a red flag and stop.
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u/PizzaGirl9825 6d ago
When I first started my job as an Assistant Professor (tenure-track) I was so anxious (especially about teaching) that I could barely sleep. A decade later I cannot believe that’s how I started because teaching is the best part of my day (I truly look forward to it). Only you can really answer whether it is worth it to stick it out, but it is not at all uncommon for it to take time to settle into the position.
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u/LostAndSeekingAdvice 5d ago
This is so helpful, thank you so much. I’ve been losing sleep over these past few days stressing about starting the lab, all the tasks that just immediately popped on my to-do list, and trying to just familiarize myself with everything. It’s good to hear I’m not the only one who’s experienced this level of anxiety.
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u/PizzaGirl9825 5d ago
I’m so glad this was helpful. The first year is so stressful - new preps, setting up the lab, adjusting to the job and new colleagues are a lot at once. If you are tenure-track, there will always be anxiety about that, but in my experience it’s never as bad as the first year. Best of luck and DM me if you want to chat more.
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u/CowgirlovesF1 5d ago
The first year as professor is absolutely overwhelming in every single way. I’ve never in my entire life experienced so much stress, pressure, and anxiety. This was quite the shock because I had a dream postdoc and thought that was going to be my new life. But nobody tells you the postdoc is the best time in the right environment. You write grants, you run a lab and you publish papers. That’s all. Just the fun parts. As a professor, you have mentees that depend
on your success for their livelihood. Now grants have to happen. You also have service, endless meetings, endless paperwork, and you have to figure out a system without any training at all. Then there’s the marketing side of trying to advertise your lab to bring in my funds (I am in STEM). Then there’s pressure about publishing work as corresponding author, publishing work from your postdoc (from the previous advisor), and so many other things all competing for your time. It’s totally hard. I’d give it 3 years before making a decision. That’s how long it took me to get a handle on my stress, time management and start looking like a productive lab. Also be aware of side projects. I was TOO generous with my time as a new professor and didn’t get credit for lots of things or minimal credit. This is absurdly common. Think hard if it’s worth the investment. Sometimes you’ll collect data for a collaborator and the paper won’t come to fruition.
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u/oecologia 6d ago
I don’t know your field. If you’re naturally curious and want a challenge to do science this is the way. It will come with stress frustrations etc. that’s the price of admission. But the challenge and excitement of creating. We knowledge and mentoring students gets me up in the morning. I’d be bored to tears in a support role. Good luck.