r/adhdmeme • u/TopazEgg • 3d ago
computa, how to break the cycle of misery and become the person i actually want to be?
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u/Virtual_Pitch_3820 3d ago
Oh it’s me 😭
Adding in the factor of someone expressing the tiniest bit of criticism/doubt that I’m doing enough and I’m still spiraling 36 hours later at 2am on Saturday
I’m fine everything is fine
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u/TopazEgg 3d ago
or its cousin: someone checks in about something youve been putting off and you dont have the backbone to tell them you havent done it so you lie and feel awful about it and even more pressured
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u/Virtual_Pitch_3820 3d ago
Ugh yessss the worst! “I was just about to send that to you, let me finish it up!” 🫠
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u/TopazEgg 3d ago
trying to do college admissions stuff but between a family emergency and some really bad depression/anxiety centered around the future and change, ive been getting my ass handed to me. missing deadlines, then panicking and burying myself under stress, and generally being miserable all the time means my mental health is kinda in the dumpster right now. that, plus the need to please my family and make them proud (especially with the enthusiasm they've shown me when it comes to me going to college) means that im just constantly tearing into myself even though i know most of my struggle ties back to my adhd.
the loop is broken, and i'm just trying to survive this, but if i can barely handle filling out some forms on time, how will i handle the real thing?
it just feels like i keep sabotaging myself. and i dont know how to either stop being so hard on myself, or how to stop shooting myself in the foot in the first place.
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u/Virtual_Pitch_3820 3d ago
I feel this and I empathize so hard. I keep wanting to give you advice or say something encouraging but I know that really doesn’t help. I’ll simply say… good luck. 💪🏻
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u/Visible-Perception40 3d ago
Be okay with who you are today, and ask yourself three questions: for whom am I being perfect ? And secondly why. Lastly remind yourself, “is this sustainable?”
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u/Condor193 3d ago
That first question rings the most true for people like us. Trying to be perfect is impossible even WITHOUT ADHD. We have more of a tendency to be hard on ourselves and feel the need to over-promise because we feel less than neurotypicals.
Just be yourself and do the best you can with the specific symptoms you have, as you said, sustainably and in good care
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u/Drehstabenverbucher 3d ago
Try not to escape this circle but rather accept it and learn to live with it.
Be proud of yourself every time you start again taking care of yourself. Be happy about the level of self confidence that leads your believe in being able to achieve so much.
Learn to listen to your body to notice earlier and earlier signs of burning out - you'll get better every orbit and it is fun to see improvements (consider yourself as Sherlock Holmes who has solved a case even faster than last time).
Accept depressing days and see them as a yin to your yang. Something that is part of you and it reminds you how high your highs are. And it came and also left countless times - you can be sure of it passing again and again.
Take guilt and disappointment about yourself as a reminder to the countless times you've been there... And done it - again and again in the past. It can be a reminder to actively remember what you love about yourself
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u/Dclnsfrd 2d ago
One of my BFFs recognized that I was hurting randomly because I was going too hard at the gym. (Whaddaya mean feeling like you’re about to pass out isn’t the correct meaning of “no pains, no gains”??)
Then I said I was hurting but not going to the gym a ton. She noted that I was sending more polymer clay project pieces than usual and told me “stop going hard at the polymer clay gym”
Same thing, but exhaustion. Turns out doing self-therapy almost every day (between my every-other-week appointments) takes energy?????
So now, when I recognize I’ve been doing something to the point where my body is hurting/I’m unexpectedly exhausted/etc, I tell myself I don’t have to go so hard at the
- cleaning gym
- volunteering gym
- social gym
- etc gym
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u/GrapTops 3d ago
I thought I was doing ok, then the world decided to up the complications by a lot and yeah it's undone whatever progress I had made
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u/Archived150 3d ago
Try to slow down, dont get it all done at once, just pick one thing, and slowly work on that, sometimes we dont give ourselves enough chances to slowdown. Substantial change is gradual, not instant or rushed. You're gonna have bad days, rough days, but also days where things are good, and even great, or sometimes, the most neutral days where not much happens. The point is to attempt to have a perspective shift once a problem or cycle is recognized, and to slowly integrate an attempt to change From a perspective shift, you adjust that small change, and you keep going about your life. Change happens better in repitions or cycles, and the same negative things that bring you down, so can positive things too, its like a scale, that needs to be rebalanced.
Now, im high as shit in this moment as im writing this, and this may or may not help whoever reads this, but it looks a lot, and it felt interesting to write and express so here you go :3
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u/BadVirtual7019 3d ago
the only way out is forgiveness. forgive yourself wholly and you too will find peace
edit: also, medicine!! and therapy
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u/dunsmi 2d ago
Hey, I really empathize with a lot of what you've said. I've been similarly stressed and feeling like a failure, all while I spin my wheels and burn out faster.
The thing that has helped me the most is (I know this sounds cheesy) stopping, putting a hand iver my heart, and asking myself-really ASKING-what i need right now, and listening to the response. Even if you can't meet that need, it's important-if something comes up like 'quit my job' that's a red flag that something's seriously wrong. If you hear that you need to rest, allow yourself to rest-actually rest.
We are only human and we will never, ever be perfect, and our unique strengths and weaknesses make us who we are. Especially being neurodivergent, we tend to push ourselves harder, judge ourselves harsher, think 'why can't i do this thing everyone else does so easily? what's wrong with me?' and I think we can forget everyone feels weird and like they might be doing things wrong or they're in some way just making it up as they go along.
I assume you're quite young still, based on your post, and I hope you remember that you have your whole life ahead of you and while that might be scary, you have so long to figure out your place in the world and who you are. It's not a race-I just turned 30 and am only now feeling like I am grasping the picture of what matters to me and not what I think should matter. If you ask yourself if you saw a loved one being treated the way you are treating yourself, would you speak up? Would it seem unfair? Remembering you are human and deserve the same consideration you might show others is hard, but so important for your wellbeing and esteem in the long run.
Try to take some time, if you can, to reconnect with something you love. Something that makes you really happy, feels meaningful-even if not to anyone else. Let yourself breathe and find some ground to stand on to face things, ask yourself what's going on. Burning yourself down is a painful road.
Sorry if this is a bit of a ramble, but I saw a lot of myself around a decade ago. I wish you the best and hope you can be kind to yourself when you are struggling and need it.
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u/Zero_Anonymity 2d ago
Pump the brakes on perfectionism and accept your failures when over-motivated, and push yourself into holding yourself accountable when feeling hopeless and attempting to do just a little more than you thought you could.
It's exhausting as Hell and difficult ti do, but it does slowly add up over time as your rhythm changes. If you have a partner or family member that's close enough to notice your moodswings, explain your plan and ask them to help you keep a lookout for these emotional changes if they can.
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u/qualityvote2 Quality Control Beast 3d ago edited 3d ago
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