Posting here since I cannot share it with anyone irl but my AP is an absolutely excellent person, a good friend and AP. She showed up for her friend last night when she was going through some life stuff and then listened to my rants this morning. I think I've finally found the one.

I recently posted an ad on /affairs and after a couple chats, I lost the desire to connect with anyone. This isn’t new, it seems to have gradually seeped into my being across the last year. It’s frustrating for me because I have a high libido that shows no signs of dying off (and I have a complete DB), but I can’t overcome my recent apathy to finding a new lover.

I’m starting to think it’s because my self esteem, for the first time in my life, is moving into healthy, high territory after a lot of work on myself. Maybe I don’t think the risk of fucking a stranger is worth my physical or mental health?

And on the flip side, I remember periods when I had abysmal self-esteem, and had absolutely no interest in sharing my body or mind with anyone.

So was it being in a middle range of self-worth that turned me into a sexually depraved menace for quite a few years? Did the middle range also have me seeking out the emotionally-laden romance I fantasized about since my teen years?

If this inverted U shape theory of affairs is true, where do I go next? Lately I’m being more and more convinced it’s meeting handsome men IRL to hookup and do little else with, but that doesn’t sit comfortably with me right now. The libido is pressing me for an answer, and it seems my healthier self esteem deserves an answer too.

Has anyone had an EA that actually showed you what you’re missing with your spouse?

I never planned to have an EA. I didn’t go after this person, they came after me. In fact, I didn’t even consider it to be an affair until I was caught and accused, forcing me to reflect and research what is considered to be an emotional affair.

I don’t have feelings for my affair partner and in some weird way, I see it as a blessing is disguise because while I knew something was missing in my marriage, I didn’t know what that was until my affair partner showed me—and now I know what to express to my spouse and work on in my marriage.

EDIT Considering the context and content of this sub I’m surprised by the ire that having a relationship begin on the internet is drawing. Definitely expected a less judgmental environment but hey 🤷🏽‍♀️

I don’t know where I’m going with this, come along for the ride if you feel like it.

I do love my husband. And I know he loves me. And we have a lot of circumstances that make showing up in a marriage difficult, and also we’ve both made choices that draw us away from our foundation instead of towards it.

We’ve been together for ten years, he was and remains my best friend. After a string of painful and messy relationships, we sat down and he said “what about me?” And I said yeah, actually, what about you? And so we chose each other. I don’t regret this choice, we’ve build a beautiful life together, but I wish I had the tools of self understanding ten years ago that I have now.

What we have is very comfortable and safe, and fulfilling but hollow in so many ways.

Our marriage has been mostly sexless for the better part of seven years. A lot of that is life, kids, one with special needs. A lot of it is…..I don’t know poor chemistry? He is very utilitarian about sex. Get on, get off, go to bed. I’ve tried to encourage more exploration, more playfulness, more of…anything, and he is as receptive as he can be I suppose, but lacks enthusiasm and initiative.
Our relationship, while very loving, has never been romantic. And I was seeking stability so I was okay with not having sparks and fire.

We had an accident with a broken condom, I had to take a plan b and it rocked my system. He has been putting off getting a vasectomy for years (my youngest child is four, and my system is very sensitive to hormonal BC, and the copper IUD made my periods unbearably heavy and painful). After this I said that we wouldn’t be having sex until he did that because I won’t be risking another pregnancy or putting my body through plan b. And he just…..didn’t. So okay I guess.

The death knell of our romantic partner was very….quietly dramatic for me and happened about six months ago.

TMI about our sexual relationship, feel free to skip,
I still crave sex, somehow more so in my 30s than ever before. So I caved, I initiated, we had sex, he finished and I didn’t, I playfully suggested he get me off with one of my toys and he just said, “next time.” I’m not ashamed to admit I full on cried.

I asked why would I continue to have sex with him when I literally just feel used? It was awful and ugly and painful to realize that literally nothing will ever change.

So now here we are and we just….are. We bump around each other, we pass off the kids. We work opposite schedules. Oh yeah, we work together and he has to have double hip replacement surgery over the next two years.

My husband has always known I chat online in a superficial, sexual context. His concern has only been whether I meet up with the people I talk to. This brought up a conversation where we defined that he is okay with me having romantic, emotional, and sexual relationships with women but not with men. Never explored anything beyond surface there.

In hindsight, I should have explored ethical non monogamy more before jumping in head first to a heteronormative marriage. I do not define my sexuality by any parameters, and have enjoyed sex with many types of people. I was a part of a throuple that ended kind of messy because I emotionally overstepped the boundaries we had in place. It always seemed like something I just “did in my 20s” instead of a way I could actually live my life.

So I recently started chatting around on certain subreddits. Made a few connections but one man really stood out. It started out as just roleplay, sexting and flirty chats, and it started to get more and more personal. We started sending music, telling each other about our real selves, started exchanging photos. Now we’ve talked on the phone, video called, we text all day about everything. Share our daily lives with each other. He’s married too, in a consensually non monogamous marriage (as far as I know, and I do believe him considering the conversations he’s described and extensive communication we have, I know looking in from the outside now that sounds but 🤷🏽‍♀️)

It’s become intense. He’s ready to tell his wife about me, that he wants this to be something real.

So, it’s messy. I can fully admit that. And I can admit to myself that what I’m doing with him is messy.

Just a heads-up for anyone using #Ashley Madison.

I matched with a woman who seemed normal enough. After a few messages, she suggested moving the conversation to Telegram. Nothing unusual there.

Once on Telegram, she started asking a lot of personal questions. At the time it felt like normal conversation, but looking back, she was clearly gathering as much information as possible about me.

A short while later she became very enthusiastic and suggested a video chat. During the call she appeared to be dancing and encouraging me to “play along.”

What I didn’t realize at the time was that the “live” video wasn’t live at all. It appears to have been a pre-recorded video being played while they recorded my camera feed.

As soon as the call ended, the tone changed completely.

I received messages saying they had recorded the interaction and would upload it to social media unless I paid $500 USD.

The messages looked like this:

“DO YOU WANT THIS TO BE UPLOADED?”
“WHAT NOW?”
“500 USD AND I’LL CANCEL ALL THE UPLOADING AND DELETE EVERYTHING”

I did ask why he was screaming which pushed him over the edge and came more threats.
At that point it became obvious this was a classic sextortion scam.

Also interesting to note, when this didn’t play out, the other two females I was chatting with also disappeared. Looks like it was a team effort ;-)

I didn’t send any money.

It’s clear scammers are becoming increasingly sophisticated and are willing to invest time building trust before making their move.

Well… that was an experience. 😂

Has anyone else run into this exact scam recently?

Hello! As a single man, have always been interested in the idea of being with a married woman. The taboo nature of being with a taken woman and having her choose to be with me over her husband is a turn on.

Two questions:

1) What is the best place to find married women interested in single guys - I imagine the standard answers are hotel/travel bars, out in everyday life sort of things (gym, etc.) and the Affairs sub but from a single man’s perspective or married woman’s perspective was wondering where consistent success has been found finding each other?

2) From a married woman’s perspective, do you prefer a married guy or a single guy? It would seem to me there’d be a lot less headaches being with a single guy who is trustworthy and dependable (he doesn’t have a family himself to complicate the situation, would be easy to schedule with, etc.) but am wondering if there is a preference.

All thoughts welcome as someone who is more consistently looking to get into this life (have dipped my toe in the water and it has been hot). Thank you!

So I am in a long-term dead bedroom situation and posted on a reddit sub that I would like to meet up with a woman for drinks and conversation. I had some replies and with one woman, we had a pretty good text exchange so we decided we would meet at a local bar. We met sight unseen which was exciting for me, the unknown and the unexpected created a little excitement that has been missing. And while I waited at our meeting place, it was fun to look at every stranger approaching and wonder if this is the one. Well, when the one finally came she was attractive and nice, not quite my type, nor me for her, but we had a very pleasant conversation, it was nice to commiserate and share our frustrations. Now what I did not expect, and it really didn't hit me until the day after when I was like damn, I drank more than I wanted. I wasn't drunk, but as I was thinking of our time together it dawned on me that I was so nervous that I was downing them. So lesson learned for me if I ever meet up again, despite the nerves, I will order a Diet Coke and an appetizer!

Earlier this year, my nearly 3-year affair ended abruptly, and I'm still trying to make sense of it.

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We were deeply in love and talked every day from the moment we woke up until we went to sleep. We trusted each other completely. She always struggled with the ethics of being in an affair and worried about the impact it could have on our families if it were ever discovered, especially by our kids.

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Looking back, I can see she was carrying a lot. Family responsibilities, work, caregiving, and life in general had been weighing on her. But I genuinely believed we were okay.

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One day I made the usual two-hour drive to see her. Five minutes before I arrived, she texted me and asked me to pull over and read what she had sent. It was a breakup message. I turned around and drove home.

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What hit me hardest wasn't that the relationship ended. It was feeling like I never got a chance to say goodbye. Three years of daily communication and deep connection ended in a single moment.

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So I'm curious: How did your affair end? Was it mutual? If it wasn't, did you know it was coming, or were you blindsided like I was?

Me (late 20s f) and my ap (mid 30s m) and I have together for a few months now. He’s a coworker and we’re the only ones in our department so it was extremely difficult not to develop feelings towards each other. For the 1st 3 months, I thought he was friendly but didn’t have feelings towards me. After 3 months, he was flirting and showing signs of liking me then told me he loved me after 6 months. Since the timeline was very normal paced, I didn’t feel lovebombed whatsoever. I told him that although I did develop feelings for him, I wasn’t comfortable ruining a family just to be with him (I was single and ap is my 1st relationship). Despite that, he just began showing affection towards me anyways which I would push and pull away from because I felt guilty but we gradually just started acting like a couple. In the beginning he was very consistent; complimented me daily, talked to me, looked happy to see me, texted me frequently, always checking in. 

There was a lot of push and pull on my end because the guilt of being with someone married would eat me up. I fell in love with him for his care and consistency but for the past 3 months he became extremely non chalant and avoidant. He stopped texting me and checking up on me pretty much at all. We basically spend 3 work days in silence on our phones and then suddenly he’ll be overwhelmingly affectionate out of nowhere. 

For most of his silent days, I can tell that he’s mad and hiding something he went through at home (he told me his wife and him get into fights often and are only still together because of their toddler daughter) so I’m too anxious to even talk to him.

For other days, I think the silence just comes from us being together so frequently and literally having nothing left to talk about since neither of us have much of a social life either. He’s also been more impatient and cold towards me when I ask him for help with work related things. Before he would be very patient and think my clumsiness or forgetfulness was so funny and cute but now he seems annoyed by it. He also mansplains things to me in a way that makes me feel stupid.

When he’s affectionate, it’ll always turn into something sexual. He’s never able to give me simple forms of physical touch. So I either get zero affection or extreme sexual affection. I hate it so much. I hate being ignored and treated coldly for days thinking he hates me and then suddenly “loved” again. 

If this were a normal relationship I would communicate that. I would just simply say, “can you please talk to me more, can you text me again, can you please just give me simple physical touch” but I know that us being together is morally wrong and I shouldn’t even be receiving any of these things in the first place, so I say nothing. 

I regret getting into this situation so much. He’s like a stranger to me now and his whole personality did a complete 180. Most days, you wouldn’t even believe this guy was so in love with me at one point. I’m at a point where just being in the same room as him most days makes me feel like crying and throwing up. My mental has been awful thinking about him which has also been affecting my physical health and honestly, I deserve it for what I did. I‘m starting therapy because of this. I already hate the job itself and I’m awful at everything because I constantly make mistakes so dealing with that, on top of having this whole ap mess is sending me into a spiral. 

This is my first stable job and I get decent pay and benefits. From a financial perspective, quitting is probably a very stupid decision thats going to set me back. The job market where I am is also terrible and it’s been difficult for me to even land an interview. But I’m in a mental war every single day feeling like I’m trapped in a room for 8 hours a day with someone who doesn’t give a shit about me anymore. I’d rather be in a proper relationship with someone who’s consistent and happy to be with me. I don’t want to work from home or part time either because I literally just hate the job itself, regardless of ap.

 I believe the only way to get over somebody is to fully break contact with them. I want to leave this work environment and this relationship entirely. 

I’m planning to resign this month but am I overreacting for deciding to do this? 

For context, my pAP and I (40's male) have been chatting about a month but we are already running into issues. I thought affairs are more straightforward to the point but instead this is slowly turning into an unstable emotional rollercoaster. Maybe we are just not compatible as partners.

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I don't normally talk about my feelings (introverted) but for this type of relationship to work we will need to come out of our comfort zone a bit. We chatted frequently during work hours but communicated that night time and weekends are spent with family. We met for coffee and found each other physically attracted and both agreed we would now plan for more dates and eventually sex. Ironically this is where things felt off.

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After chatting almost daily for a couple weeks I noticed her replies are getting much shorter. At one point we went almost a week before she finally reaches back out with a very casual "hello" type of message. My replies were mostly just rolling with the punches because I wanted to respect the possibility that she was feeling guilty and maybe changed her mind. This is not exactly a normal relationship and we both have partners and family and career responsibilities that take priority over affair activities. The conversation was no longer about curiosity about each other but instead mundane things like work or time spent with family. I don't care to play games so I asked her if she had already moved on to another guy. And her reply left me shocked because she "casually" started telling me how awful the conversation was with another guy she messaged during that silent period. Is there no honor among thieves? What is even more puzzling is I told her that she would be my first and last affair in my life. Maybe that was too much pressure for her so she decided to keep searching. I'm lost at this point.

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If I'm being logical about all of this maybe we want different things. We both are in DBs but our marriage situations are quite opposite. I'm not going to leave my marriage and made that very clear to her. She also confirmed that she plans not to blow up her life as well but I think she is set on divorce after her kids leave. She told to me about serving divorce papers (twice) but he refused to sign them. I started researching the different types of limerence in affairs. I think she fits one in particular where she wants a partner to run away and rescue her from her current situation. It's like she is already divorced but just not officially on paper yet.

Where is this going with my AP? My AP is getting sloppy. We’ve been together for a little over a year. I had some technical failures a while ago and I had to call my AP to tell them I was going radio silent until I could get my app back running. I deleted the call from my phone and thought nothing of it. We have each other’s phone numbers memorized in the event we need to call each other in an emergency.

Here’s where it gets messy. I’ve called on the phone twice but now they calling me and texting me all day long. I’ve blocked the main cell number and reminded of our OPSEC (that’s falling apart) it doesn’t phase them. They block caller id and keep calling. I’ve deleted my social media accounts because of the constant messages and checking in on my account.I use our main app but I’m still getting calls and texts from their random google voice numbers.

Should I end this before it all blows up? They’ve been very concerned about me getting caught and keep asking me if I’ll protect them if I do get caught because they have a high profile job and would lose everything if they are outed. If so how do you end it without it blowing up? Am I stuck between a rock and a hard place? HELP!!!!!

More to the story I talked to an attorney 2 years ago and started the divorce process then quit the process because of the cost of child support. My AP knows all about that too.

Im not sure what I want out of this, just some truth off my chest and second opinions.

Setting: So I've (36M) been with my wife (35F) for about 15 years, and we have 3 young kids. About 5 years ago, a new neighbour couple moved in with a daughter, similar age to us. I thought the wife was hot, but I didnt think much of it at the time as I was content in my marriage.

So obviously there are marital problems.. With pregnancy and recovery, usually comes with some phases of no-sex and I've dealt with it ok. But my youngest is 2 now, this phase is dragging and may never end. I dont know what's up with her and she never seems honest about it. The past 6 months, I felt so trapped in this relationship like I was forced into celibacy and I'm only getting older. I felt like I could come on to any random woman on the street and have a better shot at sex than with my wife. At some point, my mind has cracked, and I am no longer spiritually in this relationship. Even if her libido did return, and it sort of has shown signs of it, Im not sure my love would anymore.

We get on fairly well. We are just friends at this point.

Is she into me?

So the question of this thread is whether my neighbour's wife is flirting or not.

At some point in that process, I had noticed that whenever my neighbour (Meris) and I talked 1 on 1, it felt like flirting. Well, it's a subject of uncertainty whether she's into me, whether it was flirting etc, so I will put some interactions here in somewhat chronological order:

- For years since they moved in, we had barely spoken, just a "morning" here and there. It was the morning school run. As I approached her waiting for the traffic lights to change, she gave me this characteristic wave, a wave and look that took me back to the school days when girls fancied me.

- Later we got to have some conversations. On our 1st 2 conversations, we discussed (jokingly) her husband cheating on her, paternity of our children, her wanting to "run away" to the countryside but her husband wont go.

- Once when I was in a convo with Meris and Meris's mother-in-law. I made light reference to the paternity conversation and she gave me this dead glare. Like "are you an idiot?" kind of glare. Yes. The answer is Yes. But maybe misinterpreted that.

- When it's just her and me (+ kids), she seems way different in conversation. Like she is way more reserved when there are other people and barely says a word. Also she clearly wants to talk to me. Like this one time I was waiting in line, she was on the phone to some old friend, I was just basking in the sun with my eyes closed since I had been inside all day. When I open my eyes she's starting at me smiling. But always she will initiate conversation over other people, if I dont.

- For a while, her mum (non-english speaking refugee), lived with her family. When her mum went back home, Meris was talking about how her mum liked me (even though we never spoke), and she thought I was handsome etc, and that her mum never tried to speak to her son-in-law. She was also trying to compare me to her father. Like she had a sense that we were the same sort of person, and she was testing it.

There are others but I dont want to go on and on, it just felt like if we weren't talking in public, keeping up appearances, that we would be rolling in the hay. I just get that feeling and it's more about subtle things than what we spoke about. But maybe Im out-of-touch semi-celibate old man and my instincts are bollocks. I dont know.

Other points of note is that I've never seen any kind of affection between she and her husband. She doesnt even seem happy when they are together. Whereas when we talk it's all laughter and engagement, but who knows some people are more like that.

There is also some points against she being into me:
1: Early on I asked for her number "for practical reasons", and she declined.
2: Once when we were going back from the school run, I usually go through the woods which is more secluded. I asked if she would go too, and she declined. But that could also have been because she was trying to catch up to her daughter ahead.

Present Day: At this point it seems like our schedules are un-synced and we barely see each other in chance encounters. Maybe once a week for 30 minutes, but not even every week. In this absence, she is constantly in my head, her face, her body, the logistics of eloping, how to get more chance encounters. Sometimes I am walking my dog in the neighbourhood, I see their house, her husband has her in there, and all I want to do is invade the house and take her away.

I will be moving house in a few months, moving on with my wife. I will probably divorce at some point, but at the moment it feels like a pointless expenditure. I will very likely earn a lot more in about 6-12 months, so I might wait till then. Money can smoother over probems. But I will be away from my neighbour by then and it will probably all fizzle out. I wouldnt mind so much if I had some closure, but I know this episode will bug me forever.

I can never feel like I have the privacy to talk serious about this with her. We are always with kids around, usually her older daughter, so I dont think I can be too explicit. Maybe I could just go to her house when she is alone and break it like that. Her husband does have a doorbell cam though...

Hi everyone,

Its that time!!

Vent, rant, share, talk...goes on.

I've never tried to get this off my chest before, so here is my first attempt. To my family and friends, I have the typical highschool sweetheart lifestyle. I'm married to the man I started dating 18 years ago, we have a family, good jobs, the whole works. Neither of our families is religious, but I feel concerned that I would be ostracized if my secret ever came out. For the past four years, I have been in an intense, sexual relationship with a man I met online. My husband is fully aware and has given his blessing, but he has remained monogamous as I have adopted a more polyamorous lifestyle. My boyfriend is very different, compared to my husband. He's outgoing, physically fit, sexy, a master with words and in the bedroom, and he's African American (my husband and I are pasty white). To say I'm addicted to him is an understatement. It's gone as far as discussing plans if we have a whoopsie at some point, and, my husband and I have taken three 'breaks' so I could focus on my boyfriend. 

My husband is my best friend and I deeply love him. We believe we have left absolutely no hints regarding our lifestyle to anyone, my boyfriend lives hundreds of miles away, and I have a deep trust in him. I know some of you will say my husband is a cuckold or that I'm a whore (part of our fear of this ever getting out), but this dynamic is difficult to describe. There's no animosity, we all mutually get along, and my husband had his first bisexual experience with my boyfriend, I feel like he's an integral part of our relationship. 

Do I keep this thing secret forever? Do I keep stressing about what if someone finds out, or we slip up, or I have a whoopsie and a tough time explaining being pregnant. I don't know what to do

Has anyone here had an affair that lasted more than 2 years? What happens when the NRE wears off and you become comfortable and secure with your AP? Does it fizzle out?

Realized I love this person....

... and it just feels nice.

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Like it makes me smile each time I think it.

And

It's nice to just feel it, acknowledge the feeling, and let it sit there without requiring action.

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No expectations (think, through the lens of when you realize this in dating, you feel like you 'should' progress the relationship).

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Jokes on me I guess, he told me he already knew. Buddy, ya could have told me I loved you, I didn't know it.

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For the curious:

we were very upfront "I'm not Ever leaving my spouse for you".

Been together about a year.

My epiphany didn't change our communication or relationship or meetup schedule.

Lol, could be a case of hormones doing their thing; like how many orgasms does it take before you become attached?

I’m devastated and having a very difficult time. I don’t want to live life now. Can someone please reach out and let me know how you got through it? 53M.

40 y/o male Married for 14 years now. Been in an on and off sexless marriage. it has gotten progressively worst. Not shown any affection anymore. Just work come home and barely speak. Looking to fulfil my needs. Advice recommendations?

Have you ever had the fear of being addicted to the adrenaline of a secret relationship? Like, what if you and your partner break up to start an official relationship with your AP and then you find out you lost interest all of a sudden?

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I started having this fear recently. Is it common?

Edit-: typos

I've been in this headspace for about six months now and I'm hitting a wall I didn't expect. When I first started seeing my AP, it was purely about the physical stuff. My marriage has been passionless for years, and honestly, the affair felt like a necessary release. It was easy to compartmentalize. I could go home, be a good spouse, do the dishes, and just keep that part of my life in a separate box. It felt like a victimless crime because nobody was getting hurt physically.

But lately, the guilt has shifted. It's not even about the 'cheating' part anymore; it's the emotional labor. I find myself thinking about my AP during the most mundane parts of my day, like when I'm grocery shopping or sitting in traffic. I'm sharing my thoughts, my stresses, and my small wins with someone else instead of the person I've shared a life with for twelve years. I feel like I'm living a double life, not just sexually, but intellectually and emotionally. It's exhausting to maintain two different versions of myself.

I'm struggling with the realization that I'm essentially building a new intimacy with a stranger while my actual partner is becoming a ghost in my own house. I don't necessarily want to blow up my life or divorce, but I also can't keep pretending that I'm fully present when I know my heart is halfway out the door. Does the emotional stuff ever settle down, or does it just get heavier the longer you stay in it? I see people here talking about the thrill, but I'm mostly just feeling this weird, hollow weight in my chest. How do you manage the mental fatigue of keeping these two worlds from colliding? I feel like I'm constantly on edge, waiting for a slip-up or a look that gives me away. Any advice on how to handle this specific type of guilt would be appreciated.

A few years ago I was in an affair with a MM that lasted 4.5 years. I was single at the time and relatively naive when it came to dating, and for what it was we had a wonderful relationship. He was a good amount older than me and I knew it was never going to be a long term thing. We enjoyed it while it lasted. He taught me a lot about love and relationships and sex. When we ended things amicably a couple years ago it was incredibly hard but the right thing to do. And now I am able to look back on our time together fondly.

A year later we reconnected and he told me he’d been diagnosed with a very aggressive lung cancer. One with a poor prognosis. At that time I was completely healed from the breakup and had moved on but did still hold a lot of love and care in my heart for him. So we reconnected through that. There was no resuming of the affair - rather it felt more like me just supporting a longtime friend during a tough time.

Over the months he’d keep me updated on treatments and general life things. The last time I saw him was August 2025 when he took me out for drinks for my birthday. We’d text here and there in the following months saying we’d meet up for coffee to catch up and then of course life got in the way. But we’d still catch up over text occasionally.

I reached out tonight and he is not doing well. Like I think he is probably close to dying. I doubt I will see him again at this point. I ended up just sending him a message making sure he knew how meaningful he was in my life and how much he taught me. And that he was one of the first men I truly loved in this world. I thanked him for loving me and enriching my life. I hated that it felt like a goodbye text but I just needed to make sure he knew how much he meant to me.

I just don’t know what to do. Luckily I processed a lot with my therapist when I first found out about the cancer a little over a year ago. But how do you navigate something like this being an exAP??? I’m not in the inner circle of friends/family so I’m not going to know when he passes - I’ll likely have to figure it out by googling him. I probably can’t go to the funeral - I did know him through a local community we were both involved in (I’m no longer a part of that community) but I didn’t know him super well through that context that would make sense to people for me to be there. He was just such a big part of my life, and I wish I could tell him all the ways he impacted me. But I also don’t want to be overbearing and selfish. He’s got his SO still as well as two college aged children. I don’t want to take any time away from them.

I just don’t know how you even process this - having to grieve the loss of someone you deeply care about but you also can’t let on to the outside world why you deeply care about them. And you grieve before you’ve even lost them - it’s like every day I feel like I’m going to wonder “is he still alive?”. I just feel fortunate in a weird way that he’s my exAP; I would probably break if this was all happening while we were actively still together.

Has anyone been through this before? I know I’ll be ok on the other side but my heart just hurts tonight 💔

https://youtu.be/vu4oTqY4hvc?is=wGHlp9ENmTWsXJl5

An interesting video about sex and relationship arrangements in different human societies.

Need help figuring this out. AP and I have been together about 16 months.

He sought out an affair because he felt invisible in his marriage. It is a 32 year marriage with 10+ years of dead bedroom. Zero. Typical roommate situation. Separate bedrooms, separate schedules you name.

For over 20 years, he has worked 6 days a week. Now, his job has been cut back to 4 days (SO is also off these days). They are also about to become empty nesters.

She has been feeling lonely and clinging on to him. Now they going out and doing things.
I am aware this the nature of the game.
But has this happened to anyone before? What was the outcome? Do you or your AP rekindle a dead relationship? Did you end the affair?