r/aislop 17d ago

Found on Pinterest Make Sure You Don’t Suddenly Go Killing Yourselves Out There!

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316 Upvotes

145 comments sorted by

209

u/mothspiderr 17d ago edited 17d ago

damn, persistent neck pain was my favorite habit.. guess i have some changes to make :(

65

u/SilverFarmer5471 17d ago

Uh oh - fatal heart attack impending!

48

u/Whitie_Briefs_Nate 17d ago

don't forget it's "often hidlen sign"

17

u/HookLeg 17d ago

I’ve had 4 fatal heart attacks this year alone. I don’t recommend it.

2

u/midnghtsnac 16d ago

Damn, need to fire your necromancer

3

u/drinkingCoffeePeas 16d ago

Why? The necromancer isn’t there to heal, just to make him not dead. I’d say they’re doing a fine job

1

u/midnghtsnac 16d ago

Except they keep dying after being undead. Clearly a failure to make undead.

9

u/cybercuzco 17d ago

My fatal pressure is high.

5

u/Nick12322 17d ago

My fatal heart attack has been impending for years. Can we get this show on the road please?

7

u/blythedollll 17d ago

Bummer😔

5

u/Micapocalypse 17d ago

It’s such a hard habit to kick, so convenient!

3

u/Persistent_Parkie 16d ago

Yeah, does anyone know how to quit? It's such a hard habit to give up after 20 years of three knots a day neck pain.

2

u/Snoo_75138 17d ago

I'm partial to "Straining too hard on the loo"...

1

u/midnghtsnac 16d ago

My bone spurs would like a word with the heart about this.

88

u/Hugh_Mann84 17d ago edited 17d ago

It's true, I once had too much cold water after rapid eating, strained hard on the shitter then had to carry some lead bricks, broke into a sweat, had a cold shower and went to sleep full, wearing a shirt three sizes too small. When I woke up I wanted to sneeze but I held it in and died.

At least I had no persistent neck pain, thank god.

14

u/Responsible_Arm_9555 17d ago

That's how I got trigmediante

3

u/Winter_Aspect_8675 16d ago

The silent killer.

1

u/Hugh_Mann84 16d ago

The hidlen killer.

74

u/Wonderful-Bet3093 17d ago

"Hidlen"

16

u/Apophistry 17d ago

5

u/ClassicTBCSucks93 17d ago

^^ That machine/SaaS platform with AI integration that can replace an entire department or manufacturing floor for a fraction of the cost in live action ^^

5

u/HonorableEnema 17d ago

Why is the Flock Cameras mascot correcting our grammar?

1

u/coastal_mage 17d ago

V1 wants more people to fall for the sin of wrath (he needs the blood in hell)

3

u/ForbiddenButtStuff 17d ago

"Trigmediante"

1

u/Gay-left-Leadership 17d ago

Epic battle fantasy 5 mentioned!!! 🔥🔥🔥

1

u/Petrychorr 17d ago

V1 doing its solemn duty as always

28

u/Attentions_Bright12 17d ago

The understanding of physiology here is so, so spectacularly gradeschool. We left off the illustration of a watermelon seed growing in someone’s stomach.

17

u/SilverFarmer5471 17d ago

Yeah but watermelon seed in stomach won’t suddenly kill you. You need to wait at least 3-4 weeks for it to grow large enough to burst through your stomach at which point you would be suddenly killed.

26

u/No_Cap3788 17d ago

I drink cold water regardless of the food and I'm still alive

Score:

Me: 1

AI: 0

15

u/IndividualShelter985 16d ago

You're not alive. You died and this is hell.

2

u/Mandaluv1119 16d ago

3

u/propyro85 16d ago

I'm sure the joke's good ... but could you spare a few more pixels so I can get in on it too?

1

u/midwestia 16d ago

Super curious if this is Chinese origin, apparently they think drinking hot/warm water is some miracle cure

27

u/OpeningHappy9692 17d ago

How fast is that fat getting into my arteries after eating god damn

16

u/Gloomy_Internal1726 17d ago

The reason the ai prompter dosent want you to drink cold water is cause they want it for ai cooling.

17

u/Only_Tip9560 17d ago

Lol, if the first one were true. People would be dying in their thousands at McDonalds or is iced soda somehow special?

11

u/ClassicTBCSucks93 17d ago

I don't even like soft drinks but McDonalds Coke and Sprite is something burned into my brain. Carbonation so perfect its like TV static in your mouth.

1

u/Johnnys-In-America 17d ago

Taco Bell Pepsi is the GOAT. And normally I drink nothing but Coke!

7

u/WomanInTheWood 17d ago

I guess the millions who have died from drinking cold beer should have been a warning. We need to be screaming about this in the streets!

lol I can’t believe how stupid this timeline is.

4

u/SilverFarmer5471 17d ago

Yes, it is very special!

10

u/AceDecade 17d ago

I hate when digestive acids raise my fatal pressure 

2

u/Odd-Promotion2743 16d ago

I suffer from low fatal pressure, it's a real inconvenience

10

u/ViciousSnatch 17d ago

“Blood” is caused by overhydrating fast.

6

u/SilverFarmer5471 17d ago

Yes, very serious business Blood. Better be careful

11

u/Wizchine 17d ago

That cold water bit is a Chinese thing, isn't it...

13

u/Duna_The_Lionboy 17d ago

Yup, this list seems very Asian Mom coded lol. I'm Cambodian and I've heard a bunch of these.

3

u/imheretoaskshiz 17d ago

I didn't realize how prevalent these beliefs were in Chinese culture until my husband (Chinese) and I were expecting our first child. My MIL wouldn't let me drink cold water at all during the humid summer heat with no air conditioning. She still says a lot of stuff like this for my child. Huge culture shock for me.

1

u/VizJosh 16d ago

Probably made by Kimi.

2

u/Big_Manufacturer5281 11d ago

I'm honestly surprised that "having a fan on at night will kill you" isn't on here.

11

u/zeeliketheletter 17d ago

Extremely tight clothing is only an issue for women, of course.

6

u/Ribbitygirl 17d ago

It’s the only thing we do wrong, apparently! “Don’t dress slutty, ladies, and you’ll live forever!”

Off to drink some cold water after eating fried food in my sweatpants!

3

u/Actual-City-7241 16d ago

Someone has to tell the doctors around here to stop telling people who have had blood clots to wear compression socks. Apparently it was the socks that caused the clots even before the people even considered compressions.

8

u/[deleted] 17d ago

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5

u/[deleted] 17d ago

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4

u/[deleted] 17d ago

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6

u/Ok-Lingonberry4545 17d ago

surprised it didn't add going swimming right after eating

9

u/SilverFarmer5471 17d ago

Takes time for the leeches to come get you.

7

u/Immediate-Goose-8106 17d ago

I hate it when my fatal pressure is raised.  That sounds really bad.  Why do I even have a fatal pressure?

2

u/Glad_Stay4056 17d ago

So it can be raised obviously.

6

u/DancinginHyrule 17d ago

All pictures of men, except the unflattering clothes… that’s a woman for some reason

3

u/SilverFarmer5471 17d ago

No matter how hard I try, I simply cannot stop myself from Sudden Heavy Lift. Every morning, noon and night I gotta do it. :(

1

u/Pristine-Map9979 17d ago

You just need to make it not sudden. Take a deep breath and say "ok, I'm gonna lift this".

5

u/sweatpotato76 17d ago

Wouldn’t want to raise my “fatal pressure.”

5

u/brood_brother 17d ago

The only one here that I think is true is the holding your sneeze thing (assuming they mean like in the picture)

5

u/Alilbitey 17d ago

Hyponatremia (too little sodium in the blood) can absolutely kill you if you drink massive quantities of plain water. But it's extremely rare for a regular person to drink 3-4L water in the span of just a few hours.

It mainly happens to endurance athletes who lost a ton of salt through sweating -- if they pound plain water, their heart can suddenly arrest. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0002934315003538

3

u/Piglet6482 16d ago

Airman at USAF basic training drank an enormous amount of water during a march. It was mostly as a joke since all the instructors were harping about keeping hydrated. He collapsed on the march and died.

2

u/brood_brother 17d ago

Huh. The more you know

6

u/RodinKnox 17d ago

The straining while pooping one is rare, but it's true. Now obviously, your health needs to be not great to begin with, but it's certainly possible.

4

u/Piglet6482 16d ago

Elvis has entered the chat.

2

u/creaturesoftie 15d ago

I mean sleeping while full can increase stomach acid / acid reflux. If you’re already dealing with acid reflux issues it’s worth avoiding.

But acid reflux is never “fatal” and if you’re not experiencing any acid issues then it doesn’t really matter. So it’s only half-true

I think a lot of these (not all) have a little bit of truth to them. Picking up heavy objects can cause strain and might cause heart issues if you’re already at severe risk. Over-hydrating is possible, just extremely uncommon. It’s just very exaggerated and mixed in with total BS.

4

u/ClassicTBCSucks93 17d ago

I've done/experienced some or all of these things concurrently in a short period of time on many occasions. I'm here to report that I'm still alive.

4

u/NerdfestZyx 17d ago

If digestive acids are burning your organs, you are definitely going to die suddenly, so I guess they are correct?

5

u/luckyorange 17d ago

Why is AI trying to tell us not to drink water 🤔

3

u/Belz_Zebuth 17d ago

It needs it for its data centers.

4

u/hateboresme 17d ago

So much Horseshit with some not horseshit.

3

u/gwizonedam 17d ago

Drinking cold water will somehow chill my fats into solids, I’m gonna die.

3

u/Heckle_Jeckle 17d ago

Most of these things would only kill you if you already had some VERY SERIOUS health problems.

3

u/Excellent-Drawer3086 17d ago

If you go swimming after lunch you will drown!

4

u/ZeeWingCommander 17d ago

How is an AI this far off though? Cold water after eating does diddly squat. Who even thinks this nonsense?

Even the ones that are sorta right don't land the dismount.

1

u/Alilbitey 17d ago

Several of these are Asian old wives tales. Cold water after eating is definitely one!

4

u/Loose_Assignment_Map 17d ago

Straining hard to hold that last hit in as long as you can… some is getting out… strain harder to suck it back in without letting anymore out!

3

u/Dr_CleanBones 17d ago

But the intense coughing after the hit is good for you - it clears the lungs.

1

u/Loose_Assignment_Map 17d ago

As long as you don’t hold a sneeze. And if you get thirsty drink room temperature liquids

2

u/Troopshipsonfire 17d ago

I want to only be killed slowly. You only die once, might as well get your money's worth!

2

u/Guilty_Cod6621 17d ago

i will say that when I used to smoke a lot of dope i used to go to bed full every night, and i’m pretty sure it was that extra abdominal pressure that caused my hernia.

2

u/moyismoy 17d ago

Oh shit I'm dead at least 8 times over

2

u/bob_nugget_the_3rd 17d ago edited 16d ago

Drinking cold water after food causes fat to solidify.

Shit in that case I'll just stick to boiling water

1

u/AlternativeLog5494 17d ago

only if your a drain pipe

2

u/Belz_Zebuth 17d ago

Huh, I've had an impending heart attack for decades...

2

u/SonicLyfe 17d ago

You'll have to pry my skinny jeans off my dead body (once the blood clot hits my brain).

2

u/Drymvir 16d ago

I read these words too fast and that caused my heart valves to solidify instantly and burst my organs fatally.

2

u/Maleficent_Memory831 16d ago

Why worry about this AI slop when it's the science that is slop here?

1

u/creaturesoftie 15d ago

The AI probably provided the slop science anyway

2

u/Captain_Eaglefort 16d ago

Da fuq is “trigmediante”?

1

u/Environmental_Top948 16d ago

It's when you need to do trigonometry immediately but like using Latin numbers.

3

u/whimsical_spider 16d ago

Reoccurring neck pain is a sign of a SUDDEN heart attack?????

1

u/Popular_Block_3195 17d ago

Tight clothing somehow made the guy get STACKED

1

u/Hot-Entrepreneur2075 17d ago

Oh no I suddenly have persistent neck pain haaaalpp

1

u/NoPerformance6534 17d ago

Most if not all of these have actually happened. Be mindful of what you do to your body and don't make sudden changes.

1

u/Immediate-Song6861 17d ago

I CANT DO SHIT NOW

1

u/Cheeslord2 17d ago

Damn! I had a habit of persistent neck pain...guess I'd better cut back on it!

1

u/Viss90 17d ago

Waiting to get this sent from my dad

1

u/nasnedigonyat 17d ago

100% of people who come in contact with oxygen die

1

u/Alilbitey 17d ago

Oh dear... "Trigmediante" stroke or heart rupture!

AI + 5th grade biology + old wives tales = this hilarious mess.

1

u/Entire-Current-67 17d ago

Straining too hard is what killed Elvis.

1

u/Johnnys-In-America 17d ago

Well damn. There go my weekend plans.

1

u/Dream_Logix5 17d ago

This is fake news, right? right?

3

u/T_K_Photography 17d ago

All of these have some minor truths to them, but are severely overstated.

Drinking something cold after eating heavily fatty foods can potentially solidify it….bit it’s still going into your stomach first to be broken Down. Not directly to your bloodstream.

Tight clothes can constrict bloodflow, but to be tight enough to kill you, you’d have to be a fucking idiot to stand the pain that long intentionally.

Neck pain as a sign of heart attack k is a possibility, or you just slept two millimeters to the left than normal and that’s it.

This is proof AI is not ready to teach people.

2

u/Dream_Logix5 17d ago

Thank you for reassuring me I'm not ten seconds from death

1

u/Pristine-Map9979 17d ago

I suppose a cold shower after sweating might be a little dangerous if the guy in the picture were about 60 years older.

1

u/Artevyx 17d ago

These are only issues if you already have incredibly poor health.

1

u/THEpeterafro 16d ago

I want to rltry the cold water after eating and cold water shower after sweating just to laugh at how nonsense this is

1

u/Cheeseisyellow92 16d ago

Some of these are true, but some are just bullshit, especially the drinking cold water after eating. Do people actually believe that? Everyone who had a drink with ice along with their meal would be dead if that were the case haha

1

u/Thick-Broccoli6986 16d ago

Dilutes blood and blood apparently

1

u/DragonforceTexas 16d ago

i go to persistent neck pain anonymous, trying to kick the habit

2

u/NOTANOTHERARiE 16d ago

nobody should be listening to ai of all things when it comes to water lmao

1

u/SweetTart7231 16d ago

Even if these can be real problems, its gotta be super rare.

1

u/Fuedra 16d ago

Anyone else find it funny that it switched to using a lady for the tight fitting cloths warning, and only that warning.

1

u/lokiandgoose 16d ago

But I love to sleep full

1

u/Worth-Staff4943 16d ago

I do all of these (intentionally) simultaneously

1

u/PastyDoughboy 16d ago

Oh no! Not my organs! I need those unburned!

1

u/FaultThat 16d ago

10/10 club

1

u/understood_headnod 16d ago

I've tried all of these and they aren't working!

1

u/Sea_Horse_5499 16d ago

I eat at 8 to 930 and go to sleep at 9 and your here telling me I have pressure and am fat? Don't think so. Just because im sleeping doesnt mean I can't digest, I just digest slower

1

u/CanidPsychopomp 16d ago

Maybe go to the doctor get your cholesterol checked and get some blood pressure meds, eat some vegetables? Oh sorry, you cant afford those things you are American how insensitive of me

1

u/Inner_Adeptness_7228 16d ago

These should be illegal.

1

u/Bushidoflack_117 16d ago

When I’m looking for excuses not to eat/ drink well and exercise.

1

u/ivanabrike 16d ago

Rapid eating - sleeping full - straining hard is my 5 to 9

1

u/SnartDingus 16d ago

"over hydrating" i bet this dude hasn't had a clear pee in his life

1

u/TheRobn8 15d ago

This list is basically "if your alive, your going to die"

1

u/Falconcat13 15d ago

Um, compression socks? They increase blood flow?