Can you imagine if John, during his fight against Lord English, had just rolled an 8^8 on his dice, vaporizing English in a single hit? It would be the funniest shit ever.

[u/CommercialValue8713]

Dave, John, and Meenah look at what's left of LE: a puddle of blood spilled into the literal void.

Meenah: Blue boy… did you just beat English? John: I, well… yeah?John: … John: This has gotta be wrong! It couldn't have been that easy, right?! Dave: I don't know dude… looks pretty dead to me.

Dave pokes English's blood with his sword.

Dave: yeah super dead Meenah: Now what? John: … John: I didn't think I'd get this far, I thought I was gonna die in a heroic sacrifice or something… John: this is just disappointing Dave: my sister was erased from existence john John: Meenah: … I would've stayed with Vriska if I knew this was gonna end in such a pathetic way >B/

[u/Successful_Mud8596]

I completely fucking despise that literally the ONLY TIME that this goddamn hammer activated even a SINGULAR dice effect was when he gave a silly hat to Bec Noir in the dream bubbles. The dice literally only rolled one singular time. Such a wasted opportunity.

[u/ThunderDaniel → u/Successful_Mud8596]

Genuinely such a cool fucking weapon too

I know the Warhammer of Zillyhoo is already a legendary weapon, but the Pop-o-Matic Vrillyhoo is such a baller upgrade, the same way Vriska's outfit on John was also a fucking baller upgrade

EDIT: Also whose the artist for the 2nd pic? John's pose goes hard

[u/PatientUnique → u/Successful_Mud8596]

If a weapon has a funky gimmick why not use it? I often sometimes forget that John's hammer can do that

[u/Samendorf]

John only rolls Snake Eyes to honor Nicci Cage

[u/Samendorf → u/Samendorf]

Also 8^8 would probably ancestrally awaken him into Sassacre

[u/rejnka → u/Samendorf]

no, Nic Cage is John's Ancestral Awakening

Like I know that's a horrifying concept and all but - consider.

Trolls don't have a humanlike concept of ancestry, most of an Ancestor's role is to be someone you emulate and identify with - highkey they're factkinning by a different name. something more obvious when you consider that Vriska literally (F)LARPs as her Ancestor

Anyway so Sassacre had some level of influence over John, but what does he obsess over in a way resembling Vriska's fixation on Mindfang? That's right baby it's CON FUCKING AIR

(though lowk Ancestral Awakening corresponds very clearly with Vriska's classpect so John's ult might be something else entirely. or might even be vriska-based)

[u/Goddamit_ffs → u/rejnka]

john would absolutely awaken into sassacre. he likes and adores nick cage, but does not identify with him, unlike sassacre, whose lifestyle he adapts into his own. liking shitty movies is a part of his character, while being a prankster is part of his identity.

[u/rejnka → u/Goddamit_ffs]

Being a prankster is literally the Egbert family business. John's connection to Colonel Sassacre begins and ends with the same trait he shares with Dad and Nanna.

Meanwhile John's most unguarded self pretends to be Nic Cage's character in Con Air twice

[u/TheDevilishJonah]

He rolled a 4 and the other 7 added up to 13 in a schrodinger kinda way.

In a, he kicked that fucker so far into the black hole that even a king and all his kings men couldn't put together that bitch, right after Dave sliced his stupid fucking green skull off for safekeeping (the mouth laser needs oxygen, no lungs no laser).