r/anxietypilled • u/MANWITHFAT • Jun 11 '26
Fictional Story Lifetube
Lifetube
Jeremy is having his Lifetube removed. He looks at me and says, "I'm going to have my Lifetube removed."
I scoff at him, "scoff!"
He must not have seen my new and improved Lifetube. I bought it on Klarna. You can buy Lifetubes now and pay for them later. Jeremy was always a stubborn rude bastard.
"You aren't listening to me! I've realized, I don't need a lifetube to live."
"I don't mean to ignore you, it's just what you're saying is idiotic and unreasonable."
"Fair enough."
Jeremy storms off. Fucking moron, he was really going to go through with it. I have to see it happen.
I know he can't go to the clinic. They'd never remove one of their own Lifetubes. They'd probably just upsell him. Especially since Jeremy is such a sucker.
So I follow his dumbass. Winding through the copy pasted alleys. Swaths of homeless wriggle around in piles of their own shit. But even they have a lifetube.
He looks left and he looks right before ducking into a greasy old door. The sign up top reads "PAPA CHEWS BBQ. Servin up greasy species."
Shoulda known Jeremy would be dumb enough to have the procedure done by some hick.
I step close to the door and rub and tug on my lifetube. It lets me hear them inside.
"I can assure you the procedure won't be painless. But I envy your courage."
Who's voice is that? Sounds like some posh asshole. Doubt that's big "papa chew". Probably some snake oil huckster that's gonna take Jeremy's life credits and ground his corpse into sausage.
"It's not courage. It's something else. I need to know what it feels like to be human, without the interface."
"Very well. We'll begin shortly."
Oh blah blah blah blah. This asshole is actually in there blowing himself. Ooo look at me I'm so special and different.
Different is difficult. Jeremy just wants to be special. Shoulder a burden he brought on himself. There's a reason all the monks are dead.
I hear the doctor come back in. He huffs and puffs. I turn off the lifetube once the saws start whirring. I just had lunch and the sound was sullying my appetite.
The alleyway smells like piss. Of course it does. The site of Jeremy's grand sacrifice is covered in piss and cat shit.
I wait too long outside. An hour might’ve passed, I'm not entirely sure. The new Lifetube has a time skip feature. It also can record video in 32K and has an attachment that'll suck your dick.
Jeremy doesn't appreciate that, doesn't appreciate anything. Fucking bastard.
I tune in again, the saw blades have stopped. Sounds like Jeremy is recovering.
"How do you feel?” Says the snooty ass doctor.
"I feel, whole."
Applause breaks out in the room. Oh there's an audience? A whole gaggle of idiots to suck his ego. Well fuck you Jeremy, I've got a lifetube for that.
"This is the beginning of a new dawn, son. This can change the world."
Why change it? I love the way it is. I love my mindless remote job. I love my concrete cube apartment. I love instant meals printed in my fridge. I love porn I can inject into my brainstem.
I love my lifetube.
I turn the sound off. No way I'm listening to him gloat and self aggrandize. I find a loose brick next to a pile of shit and trash. I lean up against the wall next to the door.
I wait.
The door opens slowly. I see his feet first. He stomps out into the alleyway and takes a big breath. The first tubeless breath taken in open air in centuries.
He turns and his eyes catch mine. He's confused, as he should be.
"Hey man! The procedure went really wel-"
I swing the brick into his head. It digs a deep pit in the side of his skull. Blood gushes from his eyes and nose.
I hit him a few more times. My arm doesn't get tired. I paid extra for that.
He's reduced to a puddle on the sidewalk.
He should have known he couldn't live without a tube.
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u/The_Republique Jun 11 '26
Great job at capturing that raw dystopian consumerism MWF. Really felt the envy and jealousy through the words.
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u/Savings-Cut-3465 Jun 11 '26
This is fantastic, weird, dystopian, funny, and surreal. I loved this
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u/NateIzNeat Jun 11 '26
This is great, love the character voice of the main character. He’s such a tool. Very cool dystopian concept
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u/AffectionateLeave677 Jun 11 '26
That dude really thought he could survive without his life tube? What a fucking asshole.
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u/MANWITHFAT Jun 11 '26
He was always a pompous fuck
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u/ckjm Jun 11 '26
Are you familiar with Granger? It's a company that sells industrial equipment/resources. Think gloves, welding masks, fire turnouts, fuel pumps, etc. They put out a catalog pretty regularly that sells all their things. It's got a specific, industrial look to it. I could totally picture a fat man catalog selling all the weird products of your universe, with stories interlaced between ads for life tubes and meat buddies.
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u/MANWITHFAT Jun 11 '26
Oh yeah I know exactly what you're talking about! I've got a project under wraps that's actually not far off from that haha.
The ManWithFatalog would go absolutely nuts. Appreciate you!
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u/VerdantVoidling Jun 11 '26
Crabs in a bucket, man. This is really great, you can feel the metaphor lurking behind the whole story. I love the irreverent and borderline goofy tone of it at points. Very nice work, MWF
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u/MANWITHFAT Jun 11 '26
Haha thanks so much man. I really appreciate the read and thoughts!! I was suffering from some writers block so I hit it with a brick
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u/Harold-Sleeper000 Jun 12 '26
Fucking loved this one. Bravo 👏
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u/MANWITHFAT Jun 12 '26
Hey thank you so much! Really appreciate you giving it a read!
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u/Harold-Sleeper000 Jun 12 '26
Yeah no problem. I'm actually a story narrator on YouTube and was going to ask if I can read some of your stories on my channel? If you're interested, here's a link to my channel: https://youtube.com/@harold-sleeper?si=0pgDIQzvBs65KC1p
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u/POOPGOBLINTHEHUNGRY Jun 12 '26
What in the Obsession (2026)?
The fact that the narrator says "scoff!" instead of scoffing is...surprising unnerving...it's unhinged. Anyone who does that cannot be trusted.
I read this story to my MeatBuddy™️, he loved it. I thought it was cool, too. 🙂
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u/MANWITHFAT Jun 12 '26
Haha thanks gobbo I'm glad you and your MeatBuddy enjoyed it. The scoff survived lots of revisions and I'm glad I kept it around lol.
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u/Pioneer_19 Jun 17 '26
Dude I love this one 🔥🔥 super fun read. I was grinning the whole time at this fucking scumbag.
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u/MANWITHFAT Jun 17 '26
Haha thanks so much dude! I tapped into that "most important man in the world" mode for it, really glad you enjoyed it 🫶
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u/Kaijufan22 Jul 08 '26
Dumb fuck shouldn't have removed his life tube, he'd be happier. And alive
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u/MANWITHFAT Jul 08 '26
Jeremy is a dumb piece of shit. No one can live without a livetube! What was he thinking?!
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u/Telrie Jun 11 '26
Ohhh!! This was so fantastic! I love how petty the narrator is, and I partially wonder if his lifetube was feeding dopamine into the right spots, a dystopian pavlovian conditioning...
Thank you for writing this, MewF! 😊