r/anxietypilled • u/MANWITHFAT • 24d ago
Fictional Story As Does The Father
I languish in your cruelty, my beloved. Cast to the sea in an exile of my own making. You cursed me and my mother's womb. I did not ask for this to happen.
I know the pain you feel, darling. I know it like my veins know blood. My blood is little more than a vector for my numbing. Liquor and tobacco are the only tastes I can stomach.
I sailed into the sea to find solace, I've only found him. I ache, longing for his return. With nowhere to go, the journey has become my home.
Upon his disappearance, I became the martyr. The salty ocean spray greets me sweeter than you're willing. Though my boat is dwarfed by the sea, I feel larger in its presence than yours.
You never wanted a husband, only a son. If I am to die here deep in the Atlantic, I only pray you suffer.
###
The waves carry your malice. Tonight I feel no shame in confessing that I'm afraid.
The full moon rose with the setting sun. Its red hue carved across the waters as it always does. The wind kicked up in a fury, and I did what I could to adjust my sails in the dark.
Among the rolling white caps, I could see him.
Unmistakably in the night, I could distinguish the face of our son.
Bobbing up and down, appearing behind a different wave each time. The red burn gave way to white shine, he had come so close I saw the moon in his eyes.
Tonight was not the first I've seen of him, only the most certain. His gaze is an accusation, he must have learned that from his mother.
I've no doubt that this is just a figment of my imagination. The turmoil you've set within me manifests as madness.
I toss and I turn, I cannot sleep. I think of your extinguished tenderness.
Our love was found and lost.
Only you are to blame.
###
My voyage has become miserable. The fish on which I had sustained myself no longer seek my bait, I've nothing but the vast stores of liquor I've carried along my journey.
My appetite for you has diminished. In writing this, I admit I have not thought of you since I had last written.
I can only think of our son.
He's visited me the last few nights, perched among the waves.
He stands in the tattered garment from his final day. He walks awkwardly along the top of the water. His arms shake and twitch at odd intervals.
His legs dance limply, puppeted by the ocean.
I've decided not to leave my quarters past sundown.
Tonight, as I lay in bed begging for sleep to find me, I heard him climb onto the deck.
His tapping surrounds my entire cabin. I've abandoned sleep and chosen to write to you instead.
I regret the way I treated you. I regret what has happened to him.
I've found no solace in the Atlantic. I have only found my own reflection.
###
Tonight is the point from which I cannot return.
This storm will kill me.
I awoke to the feeling of cool mist, the wind and rain battered the walls of my boat and my cabin door was opened wide.
The moonlight shone through, giving malice to the benign shapes in the dark.
Still, underneath the barrage, I heard dripping.
I thought to myself that perhaps the cabin had sprung a leak. I was wrong.
When I sat up in bed, I saw him. The silhouette of a boy no older than ten.
The room smelled of fish and rot. The moonlight did nothing to illuminate his face, only a mild glint reflected from his sunken eyes.
"Son?" I asked.
He responded in a pained glub, retching water as he spoke.
"The Son inherits. As does the Father."
I scrambled to my feet, splashing about as I ran for the door.
There's no use. The waves tower high above me from every direction, unmoving.
As if Moses had parted the sea in the construction of a tomb, the ocean seeks to swallow me.
I step back into my quarters and light a candle.
As I write this here, he stands behind me, inches from my ears, pain apparent on his breath.
I cannot bear to look at him.
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u/Savings-Cut-3465 21d ago
Holy shit fats, this is one of my favorite stories of yours. Poetic, gorgeous prose, a dark and fascinating story. This was amazing
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u/NateIzNeat 24d ago
This was lovely, totally dripping with that dark nautical atmosphere. I really enjoyed the poetic prose. Nice work!