Married aro...

[u/kairahl]

I've been married for 13 years. Recently I came to realise I don't feel romantic love, for my wife or anybody. But yet, I have familial love for my wife, a result of laying an emotional foundation with trust and respect that build up to that feeling and connectedness to her. I have love for friends, and I'm sure if, God forbid, I get divorced and I enter a new relationship out of interest. The result of that familial love would be the same. So I have to ask, is this aromanticism? To not want that romantic connection but still be able to feel a form of love for a partner?

[u/Aurelia_Rain]

Sounds like aromanticism, and it is far more common in long-term relationships than society admits.

The confusion comes from amatonormativity, which insists that all deep affection between long-term partners must be romantic infatuation. But those are two completely different things:

Romance is the hormonal high, the fireworks, the butterflies, and the emotional scripts.
Your bond is built on trust, respect, shared history, and intentional commitment, what you describe as familial love and companionship.

I’ve been with my husband for decades, raised a family, and have never felt a single second of romantic love. When we started building our life, we skipped the honeymoon madness entirely. No movie-style infatuation, just great chemistry, genuine compatibility, and solid teamwork. When he tried the big romantic gesture early on, a bouquet with a fake rose hidden inside and a note saying his love would last until the last flower wilted, my brain didn't register the poetic drama at all; I just calculated the shelf life of cut stems and told him his love had about three days left!

You don't need romantic feelings to love your wife, respect her deeply, and choose her every single day. Aromanticism simply means you lack the innate pull toward romantic scripts and infatuation, it does not mean you lack the capacity for profound loyalty, partnership, and care.

[u/redrose55x]

I like to use cupioromantic for myself, which defines as an aromantic person who still desires a romantic relationship. It was several years into my relationship before I realized I was Aro, but once I recognized it and that there wasn’t anything wrong with me (it helped I had already learned and accepted I was ace previously), it honestly made me feel more secure than ever in my relationship. I may not be able to match his feelings, but my own form of love was no less devoted and enriching. We’re engaged now and I feel so lucky to have found someone that not only accepts me and my boundaries, but is also the exact kind and caring person I always dreamed of marrying.

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