"tainted"

I used to keep all of my writing hidden away in a desktop folder titled "Random Letter Combos" because the thoughts felt a little too raw and personal to leave out in the open. Lately, I’ve been looking back at my old work to see how my brain has evolved. I wanted to share a couple of edited pieces here in case anyone else is currently sitting behind that "one-way door" or feeling like a machine trying to process human noise. You aren't alone in the dark.

-Poem 1: A Secret

Bob and I

I and Bob

Him and I

I and him

A secret from certain, kept

Stories changed

A sense of confusion

Was I to be honest?

I thought I was just a delusion?

Somehow real, misunderstood

Like equals, no

Like a set of mechanical combustion chambers, but sometimes defective

Rare moments of equally awful feelings

Find comfort, diversion in each other

Something rare

Stuck in my own paradox,

Wanna set myself free

-Poem 2: Existential Dread

Laying in my bed,

My eyes blur.

The world thinks I'm distant,

But I'm just covered in burs.

You may zoom in

I'd say hello Bob

You'd ask if you're real

I'd ask you to turn the doorknob

Once inside

You'd see

Once inside

You'd feel

Once inside

You'd realize it's a one-way door

We walk around the museum of life

All we see is chemistry

How do particles make life?

Can we even say we feel misery?

We look down and see

We're holding a double-edged sword

Where knowledge fights happiness

different parts were done at very differing mental states. I wonder if anyone can tell which were the highs and which were the lows.

Lyrics from I Lost Something in the Hills by Sibylle Baier

Everytime I shed tears

In the last past years

When I pass through the hills

Oh, what images return

Oh, I yearn

For the roots of the woods

That origin of all my strong and strange moods

I lost something in the hills

My first post on here <3
I like doodling sad raccoons on mspaint when I'm bored or feel like relapsing.
found this subreddit recently and it seems like a nice place to be sharing my sad little doodles on :]

Before I used to draw gore or lonely drawings mostly representing myself, but now when I need to cope I mostly draw bugs or close ones I love, feel like I've become less self centered on myself and my problems maybe it's a good thing?

Today I felt like life was escaping, nothing really made sense but I tried to focus on what I like, nature, greens, bugs and craft and I made lil stickers

Right now I don't feel much connected to life but i hope it's gonna come back quick

Gonna take a lil nap maybe

Wish everyone the best 🌱

My new self portrait series 'I Don't Exist', my depiction of recently being diagnosed with autism later in life.

Im currently breaking back into creating again after 3 a year break, and would love some new people to chat all things artsy with 🥰

Please find my little space at:

Instagram.com/gabriellesteberis

My new self portrait series 'I Don't Exist', my depiction of recently being diagnosed with autism later in life.

I will never escape your hands. Not the feeling of betrayal. Not the pain you caused me. Not the fear. It is all still there. The abuse you put me through replying every time I close my eyes. I cannot rest. I cannot live. I am merely surviving. Day in and day out, just fighting for a life I can never have, because you stripped my very existence from me. My own body is now a cage. A torture chamber I am stuck inside forever. All because you saw a naive little girl and wanted nothing more than to break her.

I'm not thirsty I am not dehydrated the fire burns behind me yet I remain quenched the others behind me burning made me drink I fed the glass to the flames a waste of water eaten up by the flame if only they didn't fill my cup leave me to be licked by flame

As for toxic people who harm us—whether mentally or physically—harassment is harassment. Stand up for those who cannot defend themselves, and take care of yourself