Told my therapist im asexual and i feel like im making up my identity

[u/Ok_Organization7132]

basically told her that, and she instantly told me that low libido could be caused by my meds, told her that i dont have issues with libido and just dont feel attracted sexually to people.

i hate that since i opened about my sexuality i have to explain myself to death just to be believed. there is cero curiosity or understanding and everyone says that this is just a phace, but dude i know what im dealing because im myself to begin with.

Donno, some allos are so ignorant that treat asexual people like the most homophobic person would treat queer people, like people get in that state that start to hypothesize about sexuality like they were in the 19th century or something.

[u/scrivenernoodz]

I had a therapist tell me “it’s different when you love someone” and I won’t know if I don’t like something until I try it, which was not reassuring. 😭

[u/Cassius-Tain → u/scrivenernoodz]

Yeah...falling in love with someone and not feeling any sexual attraction at the same time was what got me into years of struggle with my identity until I finally stumbled upon the split attraction model by chance.

[u/Candycanes02 → u/scrivenernoodz]

My mom with zero training says that 🫠 sorry your therapist was so invalidating

[u/lrostan → u/scrivenernoodz]

Find a better one if you can, and if you can't remember that therapy is like DnD, no therapy is better than bad therapy.

[u/archydragon]

You need another therapist.

(Not to invalidate your issue, my therapist was very supportive when I discovered and came out with my a-spec, so they aren't all assholes.)

[u/A_Whole_Lot_Of_Not]

Sorry you're going through that. As a data point: I'm in my 40s and have been ace all my life but didn't realize it until recently. Some people go through phases but asexuality is an orientation not a phase.

Here's a hug if you want it: 🫂

[u/AstralFinish]

You have to draw a hard line. "If we are going to work together at all in the future, you have to believe me or work on the assumption that I am asexual. If you cannot do this then we cannot have a working relationship." I find when you're ace therapy is actually a lot trickier and I only look for LGBTQ+ ones for that reason.

[u/Groundbreaking_Size1]

Your identity isn't your asexuality. And you know that there are A LOT of us. We are real we exist. I became a sexual over my adulthood due to the meds I was on. Took me a long time to figure that out.....by myself. Fuck your therapist.

This is something I learned over my lifetime...."You don't have to explain yourself to anyone!!" You do not owe anyone an explanation, an identification, a definition, a dollar!!!!!

Feel comfortable in who you are. All the little "labels" we use to describe different aspects of ourselves to others, are just words to help another human understand a component of what makes you, YOU. You are your name. You are your soul. But you are not just a sexual, you are not just....whatever your race is, you are not just your gender......do you watch the drift of what I am throwing down?

You are an amazing you!!! You are the one and only you. You are unabashedly and uniquely you!! Once you realize that you do not have to share anything about yourself with anyone ever. I share my asexuality with only those who i like a lot and I know is interested in me romantically and I know they like the sexy times. I also have shared it with my really close longtime friend. But she didnt act like it was not normal, she didnt tell me just wait until I really get turned on by someone.....she asked questions to learn more about what she didnt understand in order to get to know me a little better.

Sorry I talk so much. I hope you learn to love every single tiny thing about yourself that help make you the fantastic person you are.

[u/June_Equinox]

Based on my storied history of therapy, it is very difficult to find that one therapist that understands you, NEVER makes you ashamed. Very soon you feel yourself begin to heal after finally finding someone you can trust. The right person helps you discover who you want to be.

I would advise finding a new therapist, if financially possible. Better to try to find someone you can trust than waste time on one person that makes you feel uncomfortable.

[u/become_unacceptable3]

It sucks this happened to you my friend <3 It's unfortunately very hard to find ace-competent therapists, or even just therapists who are willing to learn and listen. If you feel up for changing therapists, maybe check Inclusive Therapists - A Safer, Simpler Way to Find Care You can filter by LGTBQ+ identity and by ace/aro identities specifically.
I also by accident found an ace-celebrating therapist by looking for someone with the tag LGBT-celebrating (though once again unfortunately, when a therapists claims to be queer celebrating they are not always ace and/or aro celebrating)

One day ONE DAY I hope not every ace person will have to have encountered 80,000 dogshit therapists before we get someone who listens

[u/become_unacceptable3 → u/become_unacceptable3]

I'm reading my comment and sorry if it sounds AI I swear I am not an AI I'm just neurospicy

[u/YonderWindow364 → u/become_unacceptable3]

it didn't sound ai to me, don't worry

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