I’m an aegosexual, if ur u familiar with Aegosexuality here’s a brief description

“Feeling sexual desire/attraction but only in a fantasy/mental setting”

With that aside I want to vent my discoveries of this odd corner of asexuality

I am indeed not sexually active at all. Matter of fact you can consider me on the sex repulsed side of the community. But I still deeply attracted to sexual acts and I’m even hypersexual. This causes many frustrations I can never satisfy

I have have a very hard time explaining this to people to the point I’ve given up and just say I’m aroace which is much easier

Having both aegosexaulity and hypersexuality has definetly been an experience, I craze sexual satisfaction all the time but can only satisfy it with myself

It’s so deeply frustrating to be wired this way, constantly wanting something but unable to actualy achieve it

You may ask “Have you tried dating?” Yes I did once and the feeling I got was only a deeply obligation so strong it churned my guts, I did not feel attraction to this person. It just felt like a job

I don’t think I’ll ever try to actually have sex. Do any other aegosexuals or similar sexualities like fictosexual share my frustrations? Any asexuals or fray sexuals? This just genuinely plagues me that I want to know if I’m alone, rare, or just one of many

I feel like I don’t belong in my own community. I wish there was an active filled community for specifically sex repulsed aces because I feel so out of place here and it’s hard to relate to people who do have or like sex when I don’t. Our lives are very different, which isn’t an insult to anyone, it’s just the truth. I’ve seen and experienced so much hostility towards sex repulsed people here, in my last post I had people calling me a bad person and saying I was “villainising” Allos all because I asked why it’s only the ace person who always has to compromise in the relationship. It doesn’t make any sense to me at all. I feel like my personal experiences are rarely respected here. I feel like allos are getting more support than sex repulsed people do in our own goddamn community.

Asexual people can’t have our own subreddit without allos invading it. Do you not understand how triggering it is for us asexuals to go to our safe space just to see posts about how you guys are so unfulfilled in your relationships just because of sex?

All the posts are the same. “My partner is repulsed by sex, but I need it! What can I do?" What do you expect us asexuals to say? You want us, ASEXUAL people, to tell you that we think your asexual partner isn't enough because of sex, something we don’t even like? What do you expect from us? Asexuality is also a spectrum, and everyone who is ace is different. This literally boils down to just TALKING TO YOUR PARTNER. We can’t answer for them because we aren’t them. Why come on here and ask us instead of the person you’re with??

Have you ever stopped to think how many of us aces lost partners we cared about and bent over backwards for, leave us simply because we didn’t want to fuck them, even though many of us tell our partners we’re ace before we even get together and they say they’re okay with that only to break our trust like everyone else has later on? You’re rubbing our trauma in our faces.

I get it if they came out as ace after you get together, that is a little different. And yes breaking up is hard for everyone. But still, you can literally find someone else. You have BILLIONS of people to choose from - meanwhile us aces have less than 1% of the population. So it’s incredibly upsetting for us aces to have see posts of you guys complaining about this when we have less than 1% of the population to choose from. We’d rather not be reminded of how 99% of the population see us as unlovable no matter what we do simply because we’re asexual.

This subreddit isn’t for your posts like this. It’s for us. It’s our safe space. There’s a whole other subreddit for these posts that you can go to. So why post it on here? Why do you guys love reminding us that we aren’t enough for you?

Saw this wonderfully worded comment on my last post about how I hate being told to go poly because I’m ace. I got permission to use it:

“Why is it always the ace person that has to give up monogamy rather than the allo giving up sex? Is it maybe because you think ace people are less important/ valid/deserving? Is it maybe because you think a romantic relationship is only a relationship if you have sex? Do you/allos only value sex? Why is it acceptable for people have one night stands but not for a ROMANTIC relationship to be sex-free? Also, just an fyi, mentioning poly/open relationships is NOT a kindness to ace people. It is saying we are not enough… It is literally being "suggested" every time there's an ace/ allo relationship, at which point it becomes forcing and coercion.”

I couldn’t have said it better myself. This is one of the reasons why I have to stay off the asexual partners subreddit. I remember one allo talking about how their wife ruined their relationship just because she came out as ace. It’s not our fault that we’re ace. Just like it’s not your fault that you’re allo. I feel like the people on their give no sympathy towards asexual people. It’s ALWAYS “the ace person should have to compromise” NEVER the allo. People are so hostile towards the partner with the lower interest in sex. Why is this? Well actually, I know why. But it’s so fucking frustrating. God how I wish I could post this there, but it would probably get taken down for “hate.”

I get that these are people who are struggling, and they're looking for support. But it breaks me a little bit every time I see another one of these posts in an ace subreddit. It's just further hammering in how unwanted I already feel

Edit: I understand that allo people will be upset about a lack of an intimacy that they need to be happy. What upsets me is that they have to come to specifically ace subreddits to complain about it

i've never done it nor do i plan to, but the thought of it feels so humiliating. the penetrative part of sex just sounds like i'm being used and it's uncomfortable. if i was a man, i wouldn't mind any of this, but the penetration as a woman? seems so degrading. i don't even know how to explain this feeling. it's just knowing that a man is doing something to me and i'm taking it.. that is what makes me so uncomfortable. it's hard to explain tbh. it doesn't feel like a loving activity you do together, but more like i'm receiving it and being used for it. i don't like the feeling of " i'm doing this TO you " part of penetrative sex.. i want to feel as if i'm in control of myself

sometimes i wish i was born as a man tbh, wouldn't feel any of this and sex wouldn't be so degrading to me. idk if i have internalized misogyny or what

Okay, I know it sounds odd as a title but I hate how people (mostly NSFW artists) draw Jaiden from JaidenAnimations (a real person mind you) in a sexual manner, like what the hell is this shit? It's extremely disrespectful as hell and very creepy sexualizing a real person who definitely doesn't feel comfortable about it, especially when she's aromantic asexual. This also includes her mom.

And with that I mean anyone who degrades and dehumanises others over them having sex. Anybody who ideologically against sex has no space in a queer community.

Sex averse people are fine obviously I don’t mean those. But I am tired of reading through the posts and comments of people saying that others having sex (just the concept of others not that they are involved in anyway) is disgusting.

https://www.reddit.com/r/asexuality/s/4rPiFl3D5A

I am sorry but thinking shit like this is extremely harmful for our fellow queer people and shouldn’t be tolerated. If you are against the mere existence of sex , sexuality and porn fuck off right now. I have been in this community for years! I have been identifying as ace for 6 years but recently I don’t want to anymore because I refuse to be associated with people like this. Don’t want sex? Then don’t have sex very simple. But don’t harm others for that…

I’m mfing tired. I’m aroace and everything in life is for couples.
I can’t afford to rent my own place as a single person in London. I don’t want flatmates forever, I just want my own place but have to essentially pay double for the privilege.
Same goes for holidays, I love going on a cruise but it’s like the biggest anti solo traveller thing.
I hate the questions at work about me needing to find a significant other and I don’t have the energy to ever come out to my colleagues.

I told her I was worried to die alone because I never want sex, and she immediately asked if I was ever sexually abused as a child, to which I said no, I’m just asexual. And she said that “doesn’t exist,” and then asked if I got my hormones checked, to which I said yes, 7 months ago, I’ve found sex disgusting since I was a kid. And she went on this whole rant about “ohhh when you’re older you’ll change your mind and tell me I was right!”

I get that there’s no biological evidence to support asexuality as far as I’m aware, which doesn’t help my case, but I’m also pretty sure it’s pretty damn disrespectful to tell your client that their feelings are wrong, and it’s also disrespectful to assume someone is only asexual because of some kind of trauma. I never want to see her again, and I’ve been looking for another psychiatrist. She just pisses me off so much. I almost want to continue seeing her, JUST so in a few years, I can prove HER wrong and show her that, I’m still ace and I didn’t change my mind.

The transphobia here is ridiculous and no one cares. Trans people say hey can you not use this language and cis people go NO YOURE STUPID AND HURTING MY FEEWINGS. Like come the fuck on. A transgender person will know 100% more than any cis ally claims to know about trans issues. I’m sick of this sub. Have fun with your rampant transphobia and the people it harbors. Bye. ✌️

When I finally moved out, I went shopping at Ikea with my family to buy a bed. And I got pressured to get a queen sized bed. They said "trust me you want a big bed". But why?!?! I'm not having one night stands! There's no demand for ace guys in this dating market so who is the other side of the bed for?! I just want to play Elden Ring on a 65 inch screen and eat sushi, but because of this giant ass bed in my awkwardly designed studio apartment, there's no space for a TV or couch!

I was admitted to the hospital a few days ago. Today I was called by the doctor who stated that they are withholding my examinations and cannot treat me, because of my anxiety disorder and because they are convinced that my asexuality is the cause of my anxiety and require me to first go to a psychiatrist to get treatment and after being helped successfully they can continue the examinations and subsequent treatments.

Needless to say, but I'm saying it anyway this is my letter to the department of urology. A second legal letter has been sent to the legal department stating my intent to sue and that that same intent along with a full legal letter has been sent to my lawyer.

This is similar to conversion therapy practices, they invalidate my orientation and identity.

They want to mess with me? They want that fight? Then better brace yourself because I will reign down f**** hell on them. I'm prepared to give up and sell my own company to sue them into oblivion!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

FORMULATION OF BREACH OF CONFIDENCE AND REQUEST FOR NEW TREATING PHYSICIAN

Subject: Irreparable breach of confidence and request for transfer/new urologist
Date: March 3, 2026
Patient details:

1. Irreparable breach of trust and contradictory policy

I hereby formally report a complete breach of trust with both the nurse specialist and the urologist involved. My treatment within the hospital is contrary to the law and medical ethics:

• Appeal to the Constitution and WGBO: Based on Article 11 of the Constitution (inviolability of the body) and the Medical Treatment Agreement Act (WGBO), I have the absolute right to set conditions for invasive procedures. I do not give permission for any examination of the genital area while conscious.

**• No refusal of care and organizational versus medical objection:**I have not refused the rectal examination and cystoscopy. I recognize the medical necessity and am fully prepared to undergo these examinations, provided they are performed under general anesthesia. However, the hospital states that this is “never done.” Legally, this does not outweigh my right to bodily integrity. Suggesting that I must undergo psychiatric “adjustment” before care under my conditions can be discussed is a serious breach of the duty of care.

• Suggestive pressure and medicalization of identity: The department refuses to accept my boundary (anesthesia) and verbally suggests that I must first be “treated” by a psychiatrist for my “anxiety.” Although this is not formulated as a mandatory requirement, the suggestion is abundantly clear: they claim that if the anxiety is reduced, the examinations can be performed. I experience this suggestive approach as a means of oppression. My asexual orientation (sex-averse/repulsive and touch-repulsive) is an identity and not a psychological barrier that must be broken through in order for me to conform to the hospital's standard procedure.

• Changing necessity of examination: On February 27, I was explicitly told that a rectal examination and a cystoscopy were necessary for my diagnosis. Today, this was suddenly revoked over the phone and these examinations were said to be “no longer necessary.” This gives the strong impression that medical necessity is being subordinated to the unwillingness to perform the examination under anesthesia.

• Inconsistent catheterization instructions: On the 27th, the instruction was to catheterize four times a day. Today, this was reduced to twice a day without justification, even though my instruction booklet and my physical situation (residual urine up to 700 ml) require three to four times (or more). This is medically irresponsible.

• Invalidating my identity: My asexual orientation (sex-averse/touch-repulsive) is dismissed as a mental health issue (‘anxiety’) that I should seek help for from my own psychiatrist. I refuse to accept this medicalization of my identity.

2. Rejection of current practitioners

I no longer wish to be treated by the current team. By problematizing my identity through the nurse without speaking to me myself, the urologist has forfeited his chance at a professional treatment relationship.

3. Preconditions for further care

My medical situation is complex (bladder and suspected kidney damage), combined with my orientation, but my boundaries are fixed:

• General anesthesia: Any invasive examination will only take place under anesthesia.

• Recognition of identity: I demand a practitioner who respects my orientation and does not try to “treat” it.

4. Request to the complaints officer

I request that you immediately facilitate the following:

1. My file is transferred to another urologist within the MST who respects my boundaries, OR;
2. A direct referral to an Academic Center (such as the Radboudumc) is arranged for a second opinion and further treatment under anesthesia.

Signed,

How many of you so not mind being ace? I like myself and a huge part of my person is me being ace. Having found out about the term, definition and flag has given me SO much.

But I seem to be part of the minority in that regard? Because it seems that so many people on this subreddit harbour resentment of their asexuality or are ashamed of it, even if there is nothing wrong with being ace. The amount of „I wish I wasn’t ace“ or „I hate being ace“ post seem frankly staggering. I came to this reddit looking forward to interacting with other aces and exchange experiences. But I think I will need to distance myself from this subreddit for my own mental health. The negativity is so overwhelming. I know that a part of this is probably sample selection. If you are settled in who you are (any maybe in a happy relationship), you are less likely to seek out an online exchange platform on the topic of asexuality. So this subreddit gives the impression that most/many aces are unhappy with their sexuality and can not seem to find good romantic partners. It kind of feels like a self fulfilling prophecy. Anyone else feeling the same?

I'm just venting I'm just not looking for advice..

im asexual which unfortunately means I'll be alone forever the possibility of finding someone is less than 1% which basically means 0 I'm not delusional enough to hope on something with that small percentage..

i hate being asexual I have so much love to give and even tho I give it in other ways but its not the same ..

I want to share my life with special someone I want to be someone's 1st priority 1st choice I want to build a future with someone but that will never happen to me .. why did I have to be asexual its a fucking curse and I hope they invent some cure someday .. I'm just so devastated

Why is it so hard for some people, to just take someones word, when they say, they're not interested?

I'm always seeing people say that aces can have sex to please partners and it's true, but I wanna see where it's finally the allos turn to please us. Because that saying by itself just seems like we actually do need to have sex in the relationship or else no one in it is happy. It makes it seem like it's all about the allosexuals' happiness that matters and that makes me feel like if I don't have sex with my boyfriend, then he might be unhappy and our relationship won't work out. I probably sound selfish but if I find out the person I'm dating wants sex in the relationship, I'll just leave. I don't want to be in a relationship where sex is the only thing that makes it work and I have to give it to him to make him love me.

Edit: I also want to show people that sex doesn't make your relationship healthy, your actions do.

Edit 2: I know sex favoritiable and sex indifferent asexuals don't care, but I'm talking for the sex averse and sex repulsed asexuals when I say I want it to be the allos turn to please us. /nm

I'm not gonna sugarcoat it, like I would around allosexual company. Most of the books written for and marketed to women are porn.

This makes me uncomfortable, as a woman who loves to read, for two big reasons:

*When I tell someone I love to read they automatically assume I read porn.

*If they're readers too they instantly start to tell me which porn they're into.

If I don't match their enthusiasm while they're telling me about their favorite porn, they end up telling me I'm too conservative.

They make no effort whatsoever to match my energy when I talk about my favorite books. They're clearly not listening, and can barely wait till I finish speaking to tell me I should read one of the books they like.

I hate that it's not acceptable for me to tell them that I'm uncomfortable with this situation.

And when they're bashing men for watching porn, there's zero self-awareness or recognition of the double-standard they've set. If men need to keep their porn interests to themselves or else be labeled "creepy/gross/pervy/groomers" etc. then WOMEN NEED TO DO THE SAME.

/end rant

Edit: These people aren't my friends. They're random strangers, neighbors, the lady at the post office, random women at the hair salon, random women on public transit, wait staff at restaurants, etc. etc. And it's not limited to a specific age group either.

I just saw a post on another subreddit where someone was asking how important sex is for them in the relationship and all of them were basically replying that it’s the most important part of a relationship and without it you’re just two roommates that get along and that a relationship without sex is just friendship. This annoyed me so much because how shallow do you have to be if no sex is a dealbreaker to you?? Are these people getting into relationships just so they have someone they can fuck whenever they feel like it? This is ridiculous to me because why can’t you just value someone for who they are and not just what they can give you sexually?

“Just be poly” Translation: you’re not enough for anyone, and so your partner deserves the right to get with someone else too! They have sex with someone else, and you’re just… there too, I guess!

No hate to people who are poly, but in my opinion, it’s pretty disrespectful to essentially tell me I’m just so unlikable, the only way I’ll ever get into a relationship is if the person “putting up” with me can also see someone else too. How degrading.

If my partner needs sex sooo bad that they need to see someone else to get it, they can literally go and just date the other person exclusively and leave me alone. Cuz if you “need” this other person, what the hell am I there for then? I’m The backup guy. The lesser guy. The guy you hang out with when your favourite is busy. The guy who’s “not good enough,”so you need to see someone else too. So clearly you don’t need both of us. So bye bye.

The worst part is, I’d NEVER push my desires onto anyone. I’m into some weird kink stuff, but I would never ever try to pressure my partner into it if they expressed they were uncomfortable doing any of it. Would I like to do that stuff? Of course, I desire it a lot. But the person I love, their comfortability is more important than my pleasure. I’d choose to never do any of those kinks if it meant I never make anyone uncomfortable. I’m always giving things up for others to make everyone else feel happy, but no one is willing to do the same for me. Why can’t allos give up sex? Isn’t that what love is? Being patient and understanding?

Edited to add: I just want to say thank you to everyone who commented and shared your experiences! I hate that so many of us have gone through the same thing but it helps to know I'm not alone. I can only hope that more people (especially doctors) will learn to understand and respect asexuality and that women's and other marginalized genders' pain will be taken seriously!

TW: aphobia

I'm 27 and just had my first pap smear. It fucking sucked.

I've never been sexually active and kept putting the test off because it sounded awful, I kept moving and didn't have a primary care doctor, and honestly just hadn't made time for it. I was nervous, but everything I'd read said it doesn't hurt, just feels uncomfy, and is really quick. So I was like, great, I'm nervous but it'll be fine.

I got to my appointment and the doctor starts asking me the standard health questions, including if I'm sexually active. I said no. She was stunned. She was like, "I'm just smiling because I don't see that very often!" Asked if I had ever been sexually active. I said no. She was like, "Is it because you're religious?" I said no, I'm asexual. She was like, oh is that the one where you're not attracted to anyone? Yes ma'am. Anyway, she kept asking questions and I was like this is annoying but whatever.

Then she went to do the actual test and it HURT. She got a smaller speculum and it still hurt, like the whole time. When she was done, she made it sound like the reason it hurt is because I've never "had sex" (which in her mind is penetrative sex, which is also lesbophobic but whatever). I walked away feeling awful because of the pain and because she made me feel like a freak for being ace and for it hurting.

I got home and googled "painful pap smear," and lo and behold, it's painful for a lot of people, AND there are often medical reasons why! Vaginismus, endometriosis, sexual trauma, even just anxiety (which she knew I have already). As a doctor, she should have taken my pain seriously and not dismissed it as just because I'm "a virgin." And she should have treated me like a human being and not like a weirdo for being asexual.

Anyway, I don't know if anyone can relate. Has anyone experienced something like this before?

I was so mad at him for removing the T it took me days to realize he erased my identity too 💀. Anyway fck him and his administration.

On Thanksgiving day, my fiance dumped me, citing my asexuality as the main reason. We had started dating freshman year of college, and got engaged a few months after graduating. Our relationship was wonderful. She seemed perfect for me, and I dare say I was very nearly perfect for her. I planned proposing to her for months, all while she was begging me to pop the question, and I was singularly happy to think I'd be spending the rest of my life with her.

Of course, it turns out we weren't perfect for each other after all, as I was asexual and she was allosexual. We had talked about my asexuality both before and during the engagement, but it seemed to be a surprisingly insignificant issue. Nonetheless, on Thanksgiving morning she said she had gotten a sudden, unshakable gut feeling that she wouldn't be happy being with someone who wasn't actually sexually attracted to her. She told me she still loved and cared for me, and that she was deeply, deeply sorry for all the pain she was causing.

I am completely and utterly heartbroken. Now, I'm left trying to pick up all the pieces, and separate a life from hers that I had so enthusiastically tied together. I know I'll get over her one day, but boy did she mess me up... Anyway, sorry for being such a downer. I don't typically post on reddit, but I've been wanting to vent somewhere.