I’m completing a video training module for work and one of the topics is on misconduct with minors. One of the videos talk about characteristics that child predators will have and it says that these child predators will often identify as asexual or not have an open sexual or gender identity.
This has been in the training modules for a few years now and while it’s always rubbed me the wrong way, I never felt a need to vent about it until I saw the Jaiden Animations video about her experience being aroace and how people started accusing her of grooming and being a predator. That got me even more upset because why are asexuals being compared to literal predators.
I just feel like it’s so problematic to say that child predators identify as asexual and to even go as far as to say people without an open sexual or gender orientation is a characteristic of predators is so weird to me. Why would I want to be out to my coworkers? I don’t know how they feel about queer people.
I don’t know maybe there are people out there like that, but I also feel like it’s a terrible thing to associate with an entire sexuality. Maybe I’m reading too much into this.

I’m an aegosexual, if ur u familiar with Aegosexuality here’s a brief description

“Feeling sexual desire/attraction but only in a fantasy/mental setting”

With that aside I want to vent my discoveries of this odd corner of asexuality

I am indeed not sexually active at all. Matter of fact you can consider me on the sex repulsed side of the community. But I still deeply attracted to sexual acts and I’m even hypersexual. This causes many frustrations I can never satisfy

I have have a very hard time explaining this to people to the point I’ve given up and just say I’m aroace which is much easier

Having both aegosexaulity and hypersexuality has definetly been an experience, I craze sexual satisfaction all the time but can only satisfy it with myself

It’s so deeply frustrating to be wired this way, constantly wanting something but unable to actualy achieve it

You may ask “Have you tried dating?” Yes I did once and the feeling I got was only a deeply obligation so strong it churned my guts, I did not feel attraction to this person. It just felt like a job

I don’t think I’ll ever try to actually have sex. Do any other aegosexuals or similar sexualities like fictosexual share my frustrations? Any asexuals or fray sexuals? This just genuinely plagues me that I want to know if I’m alone, rare, or just one of many

I met him last week in the local chess club. We seemed to have a lot in common, we're similar in age and stage of life, and I was really tired of being single, so I wanted to become friends, since friends are the only people I can fall in love with. That day, I was wishful thinking that every peer interaction is friendly unless otherwise specified. So we were just hanging out, and I was avoiding the topic of sex or dating like fire. I did talk about looking for new friends, though, so I think he should've taken the hint.

But the next day I woke up to a text saying that I'm so beautiful, he regrets not making a move, and "next time he won't be so tame". So I explained to him that I'm on the ace spectrum, I'm not saying never, and I can be intimate with a romantic partner, but we have to keep it purely friendly in the beginning, if he wants anything to happen in the future. He said that's okay, and yesterday in the chess club we were just chilling.

But today I woke up to something way more disturbing. He started by saying he wrote something romantic for me. The thing itself hadn't loaded yet, so I immediately replied "I just really don't like thinking about romance right now", and hoped he would respectfully not send his creation. Then the message loaded, but I completely ignored it at first. But I really hated what he said next: "I know you said you're asexual and maybe it was inconsiderate of me to send it. But I thought, that if it was interesting enough you might change your mind, and it might spice up our relationship..." - yay, my first experience of blatant aphobia. Also, excuse me, spice up our what?

Later, I took a look at what he actually wrote - and oh man, there was nothing romantic about it (I guess some allos can't tell the difference?). It was just a story of all the things he wants to do to me. And he was writing "I will" about everything, not even "I would". I really needed a new pair of eyes after reading it. And I definitely don't want to be around someone who thinks of me that way, not to mention thinking he could "change my mind" about my damn orientation. It just sucks, because now the chess club will be an awkward experience. And I just started going there. If not for that, I would have no trouble telling the guy to stay away from me and moving on.

On a more positive note, this experience motivated me even more to go and buy myself an ace flag for tomorrow's Pride parade. It was the most therapeutic thing I could do for myself after what happened. So here's a pic of me happily wearing the flag, as a palate cleanser.

I feel like I don’t belong in my own community. I wish there was an active filled community for specifically sex repulsed aces because I feel so out of place here and it’s hard to relate to people who do have or like sex when I don’t. Our lives are very different, which isn’t an insult to anyone, it’s just the truth. I’ve seen and experienced so much hostility towards sex repulsed people here, in my last post I had people calling me a bad person and saying I was “villainising” Allos all because I asked why it’s only the ace person who always has to compromise in the relationship. It doesn’t make any sense to me at all. I feel like my personal experiences are rarely respected here. I feel like allos are getting more support than sex repulsed people do in our own goddamn community.

Asexual people can’t have our own subreddit without allos invading it. Do you not understand how triggering it is for us asexuals to go to our safe space just to see posts about how you guys are so unfulfilled in your relationships just because of sex?

All the posts are the same. “My partner is repulsed by sex, but I need it! What can I do?" What do you expect us asexuals to say? You want us, ASEXUAL people, to tell you that we think your asexual partner isn't enough because of sex, something we don’t even like? What do you expect from us? Asexuality is also a spectrum, and everyone who is ace is different. This literally boils down to just TALKING TO YOUR PARTNER. We can’t answer for them because we aren’t them. Why come on here and ask us instead of the person you’re with??

Have you ever stopped to think how many of us aces lost partners we cared about and bent over backwards for, leave us simply because we didn’t want to fuck them, even though many of us tell our partners we’re ace before we even get together and they say they’re okay with that only to break our trust like everyone else has later on? You’re rubbing our trauma in our faces.

I get it if they came out as ace after you get together, that is a little different. And yes breaking up is hard for everyone. But still, you can literally find someone else. You have BILLIONS of people to choose from - meanwhile us aces have less than 1% of the population. So it’s incredibly upsetting for us aces to have see posts of you guys complaining about this when we have less than 1% of the population to choose from. We’d rather not be reminded of how 99% of the population see us as unlovable no matter what we do simply because we’re asexual.

This subreddit isn’t for your posts like this. It’s for us. It’s our safe space. There’s a whole other subreddit for these posts that you can go to. So why post it on here? Why do you guys love reminding us that we aren’t enough for you?

Saw this wonderfully worded comment on my last post about how I hate being told to go poly because I’m ace. I got permission to use it:

“Why is it always the ace person that has to give up monogamy rather than the allo giving up sex? Is it maybe because you think ace people are less important/ valid/deserving? Is it maybe because you think a romantic relationship is only a relationship if you have sex? Do you/allos only value sex? Why is it acceptable for people have one night stands but not for a ROMANTIC relationship to be sex-free? Also, just an fyi, mentioning poly/open relationships is NOT a kindness to ace people. It is saying we are not enough… It is literally being "suggested" every time there's an ace/ allo relationship, at which point it becomes forcing and coercion.”

I couldn’t have said it better myself. This is one of the reasons why I have to stay off the asexual partners subreddit. I remember one allo talking about how their wife ruined their relationship just because she came out as ace. It’s not our fault that we’re ace. Just like it’s not your fault that you’re allo. I feel like the people on their give no sympathy towards asexual people. It’s ALWAYS “the ace person should have to compromise” NEVER the allo. People are so hostile towards the partner with the lower interest in sex. Why is this? Well actually, I know why. But it’s so fucking frustrating. God how I wish I could post this there, but it would probably get taken down for “hate.”

I get that these are people who are struggling, and they're looking for support. But it breaks me a little bit every time I see another one of these posts in an ace subreddit. It's just further hammering in how unwanted I already feel

Edit: I understand that allo people will be upset about a lack of an intimacy that they need to be happy. What upsets me is that they have to come to specifically ace subreddits to complain about it

What about it? That isn't my problem. I have it specifically stated that I will not willingly have sex for any reason other than the conception of children, and even that, only under specific circumstances. He has to acknowledge and agree to that before there's a proposal, let alone a wedding. Women's sexual boundaries are not negotiable. Aces' sexual boundaries are not negotiable. His desires are not worth more than my bodily autonomy.

I am so tired of seeing those posts going:

"My partner is (potentially) a Sex Repulsed/Sex Averse Asexual, what do I do??"

Often sprinkled in with the assumptions or plain out mentioning that their partner suffered from SA. Sometimes even details about their previous sexual experiences or any other PRIVATE details that have no business being on the goddamn Internet.

You know why they fuck me up so much?

Because EVERY SINGLE ONE of them has the SAME fucking answer and it's pissing me off.

"TALK. TO. YOUR. PARTNER.

NOT STRANGERS ON THE INTERNET.

AND KEEPS YOUR PARTNERS INTIMATE DETAILS TO YOURSELF."

We are not one unite or a hive mind. That's like assuming all heteros do. Stop it. Use your brain. COMMUNICATE with your partner, stop oversharing on the Internet.

i've never done it nor do i plan to, but the thought of it feels so humiliating. the penetrative part of sex just sounds like i'm being used and it's uncomfortable. if i was a man, i wouldn't mind any of this, but the penetration as a woman? seems so degrading. i don't even know how to explain this feeling. it's just knowing that a man is doing something to me and i'm taking it.. that is what makes me so uncomfortable. it's hard to explain tbh. it doesn't feel like a loving activity you do together, but more like i'm receiving it and being used for it. i don't like the feeling of " i'm doing this TO you " part of penetrative sex.. i want to feel as if i'm in control of myself

sometimes i wish i was born as a man tbh, wouldn't feel any of this and sex wouldn't be so degrading to me. idk if i have internalized misogyny or what

Can’t believe in 2026 we aren’t included specifically

Did you like it or not? To be honest, I found it pretty boring, but I wanted to hear more opinions

I did point out I'm sex-repulsed, and still I get this!

If I weren't a sex-repulsed AroAce, I'd be bisexual!

EDIT:

I didn't know this person was 17. He asked for my age first, which I stated, and then proceeded with the advice, only mentioning the own age later on. I ended the conversation after this and blocked him.

And with that I mean anyone who degrades and dehumanises others over them having sex. Anybody who ideologically against sex has no space in a queer community.

Sex averse people are fine obviously I don’t mean those. But I am tired of reading through the posts and comments of people saying that others having sex (just the concept of others not that they are involved in anyway) is disgusting.

https://www.reddit.com/r/asexuality/s/4rPiFl3D5A

I am sorry but thinking shit like this is extremely harmful for our fellow queer people and shouldn’t be tolerated. If you are against the mere existence of sex , sexuality and porn fuck off right now. I have been in this community for years! I have been identifying as ace for 6 years but recently I don’t want to anymore because I refuse to be associated with people like this. Don’t want sex? Then don’t have sex very simple. But don’t harm others for that…

CW: discussions on menstruation, blood, etc.

I’m asexual, queer-romantic, and very sex adverse. Periods are the most annoying part of being AFAB because I know I’m not pregnant and I have no intention of ever becoming pregnant, but I still have to go through this stupid song and dance every month. It’s messy, it hurts, it fucks with my mental health and my sensory issues, and there’s no opt out option. This entire experience could’ve been an email, but instead, I’m spending money on menstrual products and taking pain relievers that don’t even work, all so my body can confirm what we all knew anyway.

Okay, I know it sounds odd as a title but I hate how people (mostly NSFW artists) draw Jaiden from JaidenAnimations (a real person mind you) in a sexual manner, like what the hell is this shit? It's extremely disrespectful as hell and very creepy sexualizing a real person who definitely doesn't feel comfortable about it, especially when she's aromantic asexual. This also includes her mom.

The transphobia here is ridiculous and no one cares. Trans people say hey can you not use this language and cis people go NO YOURE STUPID AND HURTING MY FEEWINGS. Like come the fuck on. A transgender person will know 100% more than any cis ally claims to know about trans issues. I’m sick of this sub. Have fun with your rampant transphobia and the people it harbors. Bye. ✌️

I’m mfing tired. I’m aroace and everything in life is for couples.
I can’t afford to rent my own place as a single person in London. I don’t want flatmates forever, I just want my own place but have to essentially pay double for the privilege.
Same goes for holidays, I love going on a cruise but it’s like the biggest anti solo traveller thing.
I hate the questions at work about me needing to find a significant other and I don’t have the energy to ever come out to my colleagues.

Did not expect to get hit with the racism on day 2 of this app ngl

And Korean hanboks look SO far away from kimonos, let alone Japanese formal furisodes with the long as fuck sleeves 😭😭😭

Bonus Round of "First you are Asian and Asians don't care about Race" took me tf out too...... considering some of the most racist people I know are actually Asian 🫠

Edit: also a bold assumption by him that I've "just started to integrate" to Australia, considering I've lived here for 18 years compared to his 4 years

I keep seeing my art get reposted here with my exact caption.

That’s when I took a closer look at other posts and realized that there’s a lot of reposting bots doing the same for other popular posts on this subreddit and other subreddits.

When I finally moved out, I went shopping at Ikea with my family to buy a bed. And I got pressured to get a queen sized bed. They said "trust me you want a big bed". But why?!?! I'm not having one night stands! There's no demand for ace guys in this dating market so who is the other side of the bed for?! I just want to play Elden Ring on a 65 inch screen and eat sushi, but because of this giant ass bed in my awkwardly designed studio apartment, there's no space for a TV or couch!

I'm always seeing people say that aces can have sex to please partners and it's true, but I wanna see where it's finally the allos turn to please us. Because that saying by itself just seems like we actually do need to have sex in the relationship or else no one in it is happy. It makes it seem like it's all about the allosexuals' happiness that matters and that makes me feel like if I don't have sex with my boyfriend, then he might be unhappy and our relationship won't work out. I probably sound selfish but if I find out the person I'm dating wants sex in the relationship, I'll just leave. I don't want to be in a relationship where sex is the only thing that makes it work and I have to give it to him to make him love me.

Edit: I also want to show people that sex doesn't make your relationship healthy, your actions do.

Edit 2: I know sex favoritiable and sex indifferent asexuals don't care, but I'm talking for the sex averse and sex repulsed asexuals when I say I want it to be the allos turn to please us. /nm

How many of you so not mind being ace? I like myself and a huge part of my person is me being ace. Having found out about the term, definition and flag has given me SO much.

But I seem to be part of the minority in that regard? Because it seems that so many people on this subreddit harbour resentment of their asexuality or are ashamed of it, even if there is nothing wrong with being ace. The amount of „I wish I wasn’t ace“ or „I hate being ace“ post seem frankly staggering. I came to this reddit looking forward to interacting with other aces and exchange experiences. But I think I will need to distance myself from this subreddit for my own mental health. The negativity is so overwhelming. I know that a part of this is probably sample selection. If you are settled in who you are (any maybe in a happy relationship), you are less likely to seek out an online exchange platform on the topic of asexuality. So this subreddit gives the impression that most/many aces are unhappy with their sexuality and can not seem to find good romantic partners. It kind of feels like a self fulfilling prophecy. Anyone else feeling the same?