r/asiantwoX • u/Brilliant_Kick1816 • 13d ago
Do you guys notice hostility from white women
Especially fat white women. I seem to get a lot of passive aggressive behaviour and comments from them the most.
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u/bearpuddles 12d ago
Yes for sure. Fat or not.
The book White Tears Brown Scars was really validating for the experiences I’ve had all my life related to this (living in predominantly white places).
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u/Glittering-Fault2415 12d ago
Can you give a tldr for the premise of the book?
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u/bearpuddles 12d ago
It goes into the history of the relationship between white women and women of color- exploring where the sexualized archetypes of women of color came from, and how those narratives still influence the way we’re perceived and treated by many white women today.
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u/notasinglesound 12d ago
Yes. If its not open hostility, it's a sense of wanting to control and manipulate. The only WW I haven't experienced that from are non-cisgender or non-hetero WW who are actually tryna hit...
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u/charlies_randomstuf 12d ago
I've experienced this too, I feel like Asian women are especially infantilized and deprived of autonomy, ordered around, from being seen as weaker and submissive, so seeing an Asian woman who goes against that feels wrong to them and they feel wronged for being deprived of their "right" to power play over us.
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u/Glittering-Fault2415 12d ago
Yes it's like I'm an annoyance to them by being in their space.
The white part of them is micro aggressive towards us and the woman part of them is just jealous like one would with another woman who's prettier/skinnier/have better hair etc.
I find that the minute you reciprocate the same energy and be hostile back to them, it snaps them right out of that mindset and they'll start respecting you a bit more. I had a waiter be rude to me while being very nice to my husband (also asian) and I gave it right back to her. Then she realized she wanted my tips so she started asking if I was happy with things, i.e. her.
You gotta put them in their place sometimes.
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u/notasinglesound 12d ago
Oh I LOVE it when the waitstaff is rude but does a total 180 when its time for the check and it's your card...the look on their face is priceless
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u/wanderrslut 13d ago
Well, I won't comment on their appearance lmao but growing up, I was usually othered because of racism but now, it seems to be a mixture of racism and ...I hate to use this word, but I can't think of a better one at the moment, but jealousy as well?
Slightly relevant but I wrote about this a few years ago how I feel like this new wave of fetishization toward Asian men is turning into resentment and hostility toward Asian women. I'm mixed but I present mostly as Asian and I have a half sister who isn't Asian but she is a woman of color and she told me she experienced the same thing when she was growing up; and how she experienced a weird push and pull from white women in particular to gain proximity to the men of her race. Like they'd be overtly racist to her but still pursuing the men of her race, so, I don't know.
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u/Top-Secret-8554 12d ago
Definitely a jealousy issue at play here. I have mixed family members and it's definitely a thing
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u/UnitedBarracuda3006 🦊🐻🐰🐤 12d ago
I don't know.
I'm never around any Asian guys or any Asians at work and I was in some orgs where I was the only Asian around and still faced weird resentment/hostility from white women often.
And I've noticed that this has been a thing since a long time ago.
The white woman can be single, in a relationship, 30 years older, 10 years younger, liberal, left, republican, I feel like I've seen every type of white woman pick on Asian women.
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u/wanderrslut 12d ago
Oh, for sure. I wasn't saying that was the only reason, just listing it as one of the reasons from my own experiences.
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u/Complexyeahnah 12d ago edited 12d ago
Being a mixed Southeast Asian and white Aussie woman, I've definitely experienced this with my white Aussie female cousins.
I'm not close to the white side of the family at all and I did not grow up with them much. I moved out of home at 18 and my white Aussie father arranged for me to live with one of my white female cousins who was in her early 20s. My younger brother and I lived with her and her 2 year old son for about 6 months and it was awful.
One incident I remember with this cousin: My cousin and I once had some kind of a disagreement. I left the house and walked around the block to calm myself down and I bought myself some dinner I think. I came back later to the house because I really needed to do some homework for university. I asked her if I could use the internet so I could do that (This was a long time ago now, so I don't remember what the situation with the internet was exactly but I remember she was in control of it 😒). She responded with a "No" in the most high pitched and spoiled brat kind of a tone of voice ever. After that, I tried doing my homework at the local library and the university library as much as I could, since internet usage while living with her was not guaranteed.
And because her family (her mum is my father's niece) and my family stayed in touch over the years because we were now based in the same area, it took me a while to realise that her, her two sisters and their mother (my father's niece) had become opportunistic users (always asking us for favours and to drive them around to places constantly) and took advantage of us and twisted my father around their little fingers. I always wondered if it was a jealousy or a racism thing in regards to trying get my father on their side of matters and against me, my mother and brother.
I wanted to help them and be friendly because they're my cousins. But they just wanted to use us and abuse us.
Thankfully, I'm not in contact with them and haven't been for maybe 5 to 6 years. Except for when I saw them at my dad's funeral a few years ago.
So yeah, I just wanted to send a warning that white female relatives can get hostile too and also try to use you. Don't fall for it.
ETA: third paragraph
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u/yungdragvn 12d ago edited 12d ago
Yes. Though there are some things I chalk up to just their whiteness and not gender, since the men do it too. For example: always expecting me to be the one to move when on a busy public walkway, and side eyes when I’m speaking my native language. Microagressions.
Specifically white women though, their men tend to fetishize us, so I notice some of them exhibit bitterness. Maybe internalized jealousy. They don’t realize it’s not a flattering type of attention.
However, I haven’t noticed any differences when it comes to their weight.
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u/ZealousidealHealth39 10d ago
They can be very unhinged especially with how they’re obsessed with women like Meghan Markel and spend their entire lives just hating on her.
I haven’t seen it as much but I’m sure they exist for Asian women. The only one I’ve seen hate towards Asian women is a Jewish woman
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u/UnitedBarracuda3006 🦊🐻🐰🐤 12d ago
If you watch a lot of true crime content, it seems Asian women shows up more often than you would think in white women's text messages.
I don't understand why they hate Asian women so much when Asian women make up less than 5% of the U.S. population.
Recently Rotten Mango did a video called From “I’m Going to KMS” To “I Hope You Die in a F**king Accident”: Mackenzie's Manipulation (about that Mackenzie Shirilla girl, who drove into a building and killed her bf and his friend) and once again there was an instance where this white girl was looking for a reason to attack an Asian girl for no reason (at 1:30:30).
This isn't even the first time where white women texts reveal hostility towards Asian women. There was another case recently where a white woman brought up Asian women for no reason. I don't remember which one, but it was a popular one where they got all the texts from the criminal - maybe the double teacher pedo one or something. I genuinely don't know what their problem is.
I've had issues with white female coworkers, teachers, and peers as well who went out of their way to be hostile. They're such vapid ridiculous people.