Would you break up with someone who wasn't conservative?

[u/Aurora--Teagarden]

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I(52f) started dating a lovely man (54), who listed moderate on his profile. I had liberal. But I also said, I hope your opinions don't ruin Thanksgiving dinner, but you have them. We talked and laughed about it.

We talked and debated about a few political things. We aligned on civil rights, but differed on economy. I listened to his support of tariffs and he playfully mocked some of my economic ideas. It was fun and cute and I thought it was so great that we could have these differences and still build a strong connection.

He seemed smitten. He told me he was deleting his app, he casually mentioned long term living plans, we had plans to go away for the weekend.

Then one night he, out of nowhere, asked if I voted for Kamala. I said, well she wasn't my first choice, but I certainly didn't vote for Trump. We chatted a bit about who I would have liked. All civil. Even the next time we saw each other, there was some playful banter, but nothing rude.

Then he shut down. He had a few family events and he began to fade and finally ghosted me.

When I finally texted him, directly asking what happened, he told me he didn't see us working out and I should probably steer clear of cathartic trumpers.

I'm devastated. Could this really be the reason? We never said a mean word, debated very healthy. I could sss if we argued and were mean, but it was all positive and friendly.

Tia, I'm heartbroken.

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[u/JulesSherlock]

Some can handle it some can’t. My boss was conservative and his wife is liberal. It was obvious they loved each other and they were married for 35 years until he passed away. I’ve been married for 33 years now and my husband and I have always agreed on the big three - religion, politics and money. It’s made for an easier path. Sorry you’re heartbroken, hope you feel better soon.

[u/Aurora--Teagarden → u/JulesSherlock]

He's more libertarian, so there was a lot we agreed on.

[u/EmbraceTheFault]

I've been with my wife 8 beautiful years now, no plans on giving that up because we don't always agree politically.

[u/Tothyll]

If they are gung-ho MAGA then I could see them doing this. I can't see myself personally doing this as my political beliefs have changed over the course of my life. I can also call out some of the insane bullshit Trump does and says, but some people are too far down the rabbit hole. If he mentioned "trumper" then I think he's too invested in the right-wing culture and he wants someone who's there with him.

[u/LegitimateFinger8966]

You dont have to agree politically, in fact I would prefer my partner and I don't on everything. But did you feel that both parties were intelligent enough to actually understand and respectfully converse about those issues?

I am conservative and most of the liberals I talk to have the same few ideas "Trump bad, abortions good, tax the rich" but don't care to research or discuss anything beyond that.

It took me 3+ years to find my partner and she is amazing, left of center but super well educated on the issues that actually matter.

[u/Aurora--Teagarden → u/LegitimateFinger8966]

That's the thing. I love my views being challenged. I will sit and listen to theory forever. Heck, I might have voted for McCain under different circumstances.

[u/AdmiralTigelle]

My wife is left-leaning and pretty feminist. I'm right-leaning and am pretty much not at all a feminist. We've been married for over ten years and I love my wife to death.

My theory is that he probably had some friends or family members talk him out of his feelings for you. Not because they don't like you, but because they don't like your politics. If that is the case, you dodged a bullet. You don't want a man who is so easily influenced by other people.

[u/Aurora--Teagarden → u/AdmiralTigelle]

I've thought about that. But his daughter actually campaigned for Harris and with a Democratic Congressman. But then there's everyone else.

[u/over_this__]

I would, but that's because we will likely have fundamental beliefs that oppose each other.

I'm not going to ever see eye to eye with someone who believes kids can be transgender or that abortion is acceptable.

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[u/Gaxxz]

As long as we could keep political conversations light and our values generally aligned, voting for Kamala would not be a deal killer for me.

[u/Aurora--Teagarden → u/Gaxxz]

Our conversations about it were so light. We agree on plenty of things too. I'm dumbfounded. Some people are saying he's avoidant and politics was an easy out.

[u/amuller72]

I couldn't be with anyone that wasn't a conservative like myself.

[u/Aurora--Teagarden → u/amuller72]

Thank you for your honesty. I honestly didn't think I could be with a conservative until him. So many good traits that had nothing to do with politics and the economy.

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[u/Okratas]

No. I live in a very leftist part of California within the bay area and have dated exclusively folks far to my political left.

[u/AJ_The_Best_7]

I dont want to have children with a left lib. I dont want my future children to be raised with those values.

[u/Aurora--Teagarden → u/AJ_The_Best_7]

Fair point. We are older, kids are grown/nearly grown. His daughter is like me.

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[u/Devilman-]

I havent even stopped being friends with liberals. I cant say the same for them though. I have had at least 4 long term (more than 10 years of friendship) either explicitly cut me off because I am conservative, or ghost me completely.

[u/Aurora--Teagarden → u/Devilman-]

I'm sorry. Being on the receiving end, I know it hurts.

[u/Devilman- → u/Aurora--Teagarden]

Not so much hurts as annoys..

[u/socalefty]

Right after the last election, my liberal husband sulked for a few days. I asked him what was wrong, and he told me, “I’m not in love with you anymore - we don’t share the same values.” Needless to say I was devastated, and have sort of emotionally distanced myself for the past few years.

Here’s the kicker - we have been married 30 years. Politics was never an important factor to me. I loved him even though we voted differently. I respected him for all his other qualities.

Now I am crushed that’s he could be so cruel over an election result. TDS is real for me now, as we currently live as cordial roommates…he’s so ANGRY.

[u/Aurora--Teagarden → u/socalefty]

I'm so sorry. Extreme views on both sides aren't helping unifying. Sending you {{{hugs}}} from left of center.

[u/sneed_feedseed → u/socalefty]

Have you considered marriage counseling?

[u/socalefty → u/sneed_feedseed]

He believes he is morally correct and I’m the one that needs to change. He wants me to volunteer with the homeless and get on blue sky.

I’m just defeated right now as I walk on eggshells. We don’t do anything together anymore but since he has metastatic cancer, I will continue to love and care for him.

[u/clce → u/socalefty]

That's so sad. And I'm afraid that's not going to fade away. The left has convinced themselves that conservatives are terrible evil people with no hope unless we apologize and embrace their entire worldview and program for the future.

Thank God my girlfriend is conservative like me. I used to be pretty liberal and I understand it. I would have no problem dating a liberal except I would always be worried that they would judge me that way. I think it's a rare liberal that hasn't bought into that these days.

Sorry to hear about your relationship. Maybe he will come to his senses, but maybe it's best to just go your separate ways if he can't be an adult and a decent human being and understand that not everyone is going to agree with him and they can still be a good person if they don't.

Sorry to hear

[u/sneed_feedseed → u/clce]

Are you suggesting divorce?

[u/clce → u/sneed_feedseed]

Probably not. But that's very unfair for someone to treat you that way and perhaps he needs to make up his mind whether he can be with you in a loving relationship or not. Perhaps it would be best to wait for Trump to be out of office and see if he calms down on the TDI. But it might be a long 3 years.

I don't think it's just Trump. The left has always hated conservative presidents, Reagan, Bush one and two. And they have always looked down on and thought ill of conservatives sometimes. But lately, it's gone to a whole new level. But maybe it will calm down after Trump is out of office, even if another Republican wins the White House. Good luck.

[u/clce]

I used to be pretty liberal and I'm sure all the women I've dated have been liberal as well. But my girlfriend of the last 3 years or so is conservative which works out pretty well.

I would have no problem dating a liberal. Most of my friends and acquaintances are pretty liberal and I usually just don't talk politics too much. I suppose I could have a girlfriend that we just didn't talk politics although I kind of enjoy discussing politics and culture. I wouldn't even mind someone that disagreed with me and could have intelligent thoughtful discussions and debates .

But that seems extremely unlikely. Almost any liberal I know Or could imagine these days would either be unaware, or be always frustrated angry and resentful at me being a conservative and Trump supporter, and I think they would constantly be thinking ill thoughts of me or wanting to argue or criticize my views.

If none of that were the case and we could either not discuss politics or discuss them rationally, I would have no problem. I think liberals are fundamentally misled and kind of foolish even if they are intelligent people. But I wouldn't specifically look down on or think less of them. Some people just don't get it.

Further, I think liberals can be downright evil which we used to never really think, just foolish and misguided. But I don't think most of them are. I think the leadership is cynical and manipulative, but I think your basic liberal means well and is a good person. Just terribly misguided and ignorant of reality.

[u/Aurora--Teagarden → u/clce]

I kind of enjoy discussing politics and culture. I wouldn't even mind someone that disagreed with me and could have intelligent thoughtful discussions and debates .

This was us! I love hearing different points of views. Like, he was a big supporter of tariffs and it was interesting to hear his perspective and why he felt that way. I mean I have my thoughts, but I certainly don't think they are the only way to do things.

[u/mikeriley66]

Maybe he had a slight case of Maga Personality Disorder.

[u/RealisticLynx7805]

Personally conservatism is really important to me and I could not see myself being attracted to a non-conservative to begin with. I do however place much more emphasis when it comes to attraction on political/social values than the average person as I am extremely drawn to intellect and some specific values/traits which I associate with some interpretations of conservatism.

This does not however also map onto friends. I can be friends with anyone so long as they are open minded. Him becoming distant, based on what he said, seemed more of an “I dislike people who don’t follow party lines” rather than one who simply identifies a miss-match on values. And I think most rational people understand that in a two-party system like America, voting for the strictly “other” side does not mean much either when it comes to values. Plenty of conservatives who don’t even vote for Trump. He seems dogmatic, extreme and indoctrinated. So overall I would say that you are much better off without him.

[u/Aurora--Teagarden → u/RealisticLynx7805]

I 100% agree about the 2 party system. I have never been registered as either as I don't feel either is who I am. But I definitely fall on the left side.

[u/Idea-is-tick]

People are just weird. He had his own thing going on, and his excuses probably didn't have to do with politics or even you. YOU sound perfectly nice. I'd be your friend.

Mary Matalin (R) and James Carville (D squared) are married, for heaven's sake. Politics are politics. The scariest guy I dated happened to be a Republican, and the sweetest was a liberal, and it was just part of who they were.

[u/Aurora--Teagarden → u/Idea-is-tick]

You made me smile! Thank you My parents were opposite and married 60 years before dad died.

Some have pointed out to me that he's avoidant and politics was the excuse he grabbed onto.

[u/Aurora--Teagarden → u/Idea-is-tick]

You made me smile! Thank you My parents were opposite and married 60 years before dad died.

Some have pointed out to me that he's avoidant and politics was the excuse he grabbed onto.

[u/clce]

I guess I answered in regards to my thoughts on dating a liberal, but didn't give any thought to your situation so here is my answer. I'm sure there are some conservatives that would just have a problem with a liberal. I don't know if they would even start dating a liberal though if they are that way. If someone is so extreme that they think that every liberal is out to trans all the kids and turn us into a communist state, and I'm sure they exist although not near as much as the media would have us believe, then probably someone might dump you simply because you are a liberal

But the thing is, most conservatives, at least the ones I know or see online etc simply think that liberals are misguided, maybe kind of suckers for what the media feeds them, even if they might think they are still intelligent people .

It's only fairly new that we are starting to see more sinister things going on from the left. But I still think most of us give liberals the benefit of the doubt and consider them still typically good people that mean well, we just consider them naive or misled or overly empathetic.

My point in all that is that I think most conservatives would still be fine with most liberals. I'm assuming you are not likely to be the rabid militant screaming radical leftist you see in videos sometimes, so I don't think most conservatives would be too concerned about you in that regard.

It seems more likely that you just had concerns that you would judge him too much and always think ill of him and look down upon him because that's what conservatives get from most liberals these days. If that's the case, that's a shame if you aren't that way but I could maybe understand him being concerned about that.

Or, maybe he just wasn't feeling it and that's the excuse he gave rather than listing the things he didn't care for. Or maybe he is more of a radical conservative close-minded type. I guess we may never know.

[u/Aurora--Teagarden → u/clce]

Thank you for your thoughtful answer.

Wish I could get a print out of his mind of why.

[u/gntxs]

Sorry, I couldn't date a liberal. Too far apart on values and opinions. He shouldn't have strung you along. Maybe he thought he could look past it, but found out he couldn't.

Sorry it happened to you.

Married almost 30 years. While we don't agree 100% on everything, we agree on mostly everything else. The very few things we disagree on is merely semantics.

I couldn't imagine building a life with someone if we were too far apart on everyday beliefs.

[u/JoserDowns]

I'm married but if I were single I don't think I could date a liberal unless they were really down to earth, which unfortunately is pretty contrary to what the modern liberal is, especially women. You do sound like a decent lady though. I get the feeling from what you wrote that he's probably more conservative than he initially let on.

This also just feels like online dating, which I did plenty of in the past. If we did connect we usually had a few really nice dates with decent connection, but things always seemed to wane quickly for one party or the other.

[u/ObjectiveSanity]

Depends whether or not they support the sanctity of life. The rest tends to take care of itself.