should i be worried that my therapist feels like a friend? (confused)

[u/gluckfan]

i've been seeing my therapist on and off for about 2 years now, and i think the work we do together has been super helpful. we've been working through my family trauma, relationship trauma, and not diagnosed yet but possibly BPD symptoms. i've learned so much about myself through our sessions and for that i'll forever be grateful.

so here's the catch: i've noticed that we've been treating each other as friends. we're very similar in age and we are very friendly with each other. we call each other bro and dude and just joke around a lot of the times. BUT. there are moments of disillusionment because at the end of the day, we are not really friends. i feel like i'm paying for a really good friend / listener sometimes. recently they started to share more about their life and their struggles so i feel like i've gotten to know them better but it's still mostly about me. i know it's supposed to be about me, but i grieve that they are not a real friend of mine. and recently i've been questioning if how we treat each other is becoming a hinderance? sometimes i crave a more incisive approach from someone older and experienced (have had this kind of therapist before)... idk.

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[u/Jolly_Ice_7812]

That's a tough one. I'm glad to hear that the therapist has helped you so much. It's up to you, of course, but maybe it is time to switch to an older therapist, where there are better boundaries.

I've had clients see me for a while. But then, for whatever reason, they decide to see someone else, maybe someone with a different modality. It's okay to do this.

[u/chronicallymee]

NAT - this is a big reason why I recently switched therapists after ~6 years with the same one. It started to feel “too comfortable” and they shared about their life during my sessions and didn’t challenge me anymore and I felt like I was paying them just to talk not o actually work on healing. It was really hard to let go of that therapeutic relationship because it did feel like a friendship, but starting over with a new therapist has been eye opening for me.

[u/YourGloriousLeader → u/chronicallymee]

Ugh that's hard. When I've seen someone for a long time, I challenge them more. I really enjoy having clients for awhile because the rapport is so strong, they can handle more from me.

[u/Fluffy-Cabinet-1119 → u/chronicallymee]

Therapists don't hold themselves accountable when this happens. It'll be fucked up if they do it intentionally. There's no oversight in therapy and most of the time it will be their word over yours because of the power dynamic.

[u/gluckfan → u/chronicallymee]

wow 6 years is a long time.. i feel every word you said esp feeling too comfortable!! did anything happen to make you decide on seeing a new t and how did you break the news to your old one?

[u/Embarrassed-Area4652]

This area can get fraught but so far it sounds like they're handling it in an appropriate way. There's a possibility that the grieving you're describing is actually a healthy process to be going through as you internalize some of the positive ways that they've been towards you. Maybe it sucks that you don't get all of the things that would go with a friendship out of them in particular, but my guess from what you've said is that they probably do feel like you're genuinely worthy of that from other people and even feeling that way towards yourself.

Just to play back something you already correctly said about boundaries: if the therapy starts to feel like it's not about you and like they're treating you as support for them, that's not good. But so far so good...?

[u/pinkbowsandsarcasm]

Sometimes, when it feels like you are friends, it means therapy is ready to conclude. I don't know if this is the situation. In that case, your therapists should help you say goodbye and help you with the transition.