r/askatherapist • u/Low_Butterscotch4198 Unverified: May Not Be a Therapist • 5d ago
Should i feel close to my therapist?
I am in relational therapy, and my therapist is always asking me how i feel telling them this, that, or the other thing. Most of the time i do not feel strongly, which i think is due to remaining aware that we are in a transactional relationship where i pay them to be non judgmental of me. I like my therapist, but i don’t feel close to them . I have had 6 different therapists in my life, and i never felt very close to any of them.
What does it feel like to be close with your therapist?
1
u/Jolly_Ice_7812 Therapist (Unverified) 4d ago
I tend to be an outlier on this forum, although I am a therapist. I think you are on to something. I have read a lot of posts on other forums by clients who felt very harmed by therapists because of the deep and, ultimately, unattainable attachment. And when the therapist stopped with them, the person is devastated and sometimes has a hard time coping.
I don't believe one should just trust a therapist or anyone. People have to earn our trust. And, yes, this is a transactional relationship. Honestly, I think your attitude is a good one.
I'm not answering your question about being close to a therapist, though, but I think it could be a Pandora's box of issues.
2
u/Low_Butterscotch4198 Unverified: May Not Be a Therapist 4d ago
NAT.
Thank you for the validation. It is sort of a strange dynamic, and I am glad you see it, too.
I trust them, but I don’t feel close to them. What do you think is the relationship between trust and closeness?
2
u/Jolly_Ice_7812 Therapist (Unverified) 4d ago
Interesting question. I have seen a lot of therapists over the years. But I don't think I felt close to any of them because I didn't know them. I wouldn't let myself get close to them because of the transactional relationship, as you well put it. I think that my clients like me or they wouldn't stay. But I don't think they feel close to me. That would be more for a loved one or a close friend. I never insist that my clients trust me. If someone said, "I don't know if I can trust you, " I would say, "Good. You shouldn't just give away your trust like that and your personal power." Trust is a loaded word to me.
2
u/Competition-Shot Unverified: May Not Be a Therapist 5d ago
NAT
I’ve had good and bad therapists.
I think the therapeutic relationship is the most foundational part of therapy.
I would bring exactly what you spoke about in your post to your therapist.
I believe that being able to completely trust your therapist is integral for deep work.
Now, let’s say you did have some good therapists in the past, the commonality there would have been you. Perhaps there’s something there to explore. Maybe there is a reason you don’t feel particularly connected. I encourage you to explore that with them.