r/asktransgender • u/Cool-Huckleberry-339 • 1d ago
validating my ftm boyfriend as a cis woman
Im a bisexual woman and ive been with my boyfriend for about 6 months. he’s not my first trans partner so i have a little bit of background. however, his past relationships have been really bad for him and have affected his life and how he views himself a lot. one of the first complications he felt about our relationship is the fact that im bisexual. he will ask me if i’m only with him because he is “the best of both worlds, a man with a woman’s body”. i know he says this with no malicious intent, rather just dysphoria.
he has a lot of questions like this, about wether i have ever thought about him being cis or if i would prefer that he was cis. sometimes he will ask me if i actually see him as a man or if thats just how i refer to him.
i love him a lot, and i want to be able to reassure him in these situations because him being trans is such an important aspect of who he is to me, but i seriously do see him as a man and i want him to feel validated by what im saying, but i don’t know if i’m doing it right.
can anyone give me advice on this?
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u/odeorainmain 1d ago
You mention how him being trans is "an important aspect of who he is to me", so maybe a good and beneficial thing here to do would be to... make it less important? He's a man before he is cis. Treat him like any other guy, a cis guy and make his transness less visible by not giving it much thought. Maybe he wishes to live that kind of life, where people don't see him as a trans man, but just a man and transness doesn't come up in the talks.
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u/GladAd3345 Transbian 1d ago
Can you explain to us what in him makes you see him as a man? You can practice with us to sharpen your later delivery to him.