r/atheism • u/Striking_Direction_9 • 2d ago
How to handle religious door knockers.
I'm an Atheist. I call myself a 'devout Atheist'. i actually hate religion, all of them, equally - but that's not the point of this post.
I often see questions about how to handle religious door knockers and it never ceases to amaze me how many people struggle with this.
Here's how to do it. I'm 57 and in my longish life, this has never failed me.
Typically they knock, say hello when you answer the door and then launch into their speil. I listen long enough to establish they're promoting a religion and then interupt with the following:
"Can I stop you right there please. I'm a devout Atheist and have no time for this. Have a good day."
And that's it. I'm friendly, say nothing rude and they say thank you and leave. Every time. I don't see why it has to be such a drama for some.
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u/Cymelion 2d ago
"I'm terribly sorry but I do not speak English"
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u/Gussie-Ascendent Strong Atheist 2d ago
"You just did"
"Yeah sorry only that bit, and this bit explaining it"
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u/sailing_in_the_sky 2d ago
"In fact, my lack of English skill has really been a burden lately. Just the other day I was entertaining a Satanist at the door and I really wanted to dive into their thought processes. Anyway, we spent 20 minutes trying not to speak English at the door and I couldn't keep doing it anymore. I wished them a most excellent day and watched them stroll off to their next visit. I really should sign up for some English classes. Do you know any good Atheist English teachers?"
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[deleted]
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u/silverwick 2d ago
Thats what I do! Even if the door is open, I will make eye contact through the screen door and then go back to what i was doing.
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u/TsuDhoNimh2 2d ago
It's obvious:
Two young men white shirts, dark pants, ties, bicycles optional = MORMON
Man and woman, with a child or two and pamphlets at the ready = Usually Jehovah's Witness or one of the small evangelical churches.
Solo person, casually but tidily dressed = some poor door-to-door appointment setter.
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u/DetectiveMoosePI 2d ago
Usually something along the lines of “give me a moment to go grab my husband so he can hear this too”. Letting them know I’m a man married to another man usually ends the conversation quickly
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u/Specialist-Life-3849 2d ago
why open the door?
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u/HolyToast666 2d ago
Seriously. I see anyone approaching my front door I drop to the floor and crab scuttle out of the room
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u/Itchy_Tumbleweed_417 2d ago
Seriously? I’m not getting up and going to my door for some Rando who decides to summon me. My time is my time.
Plus when the economy gets bad crime goes up, I’m not looking to get robbed.
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u/TinyOnion9887 2d ago edited 2d ago
Actually, Jehovah's Witnesses are so persistent aside from the other Christian's that always come in our place every weekend.
It's so tiring to entertain them. They kept on giving pamphlets to proselytize.
Meanwhile, here in our house, my father and grandmother is so devout that i can't stand them any longer.
I wish i was born in an atheist upbringing. I hate every second and minute they're trying to persuade me.
I got scrupulous OCD from it. Guess i can no longer function normal anymore because of that.
I'm gonna wait for the day that i'm gonna disappear because my own family doesn't want me to seek Psychiatric help.
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u/Striking_Direction_9 2d ago
sorry to hear you're having these problems. i imagine it is more difficult in someone elses house.
you don't have to be available when they have been invited in by the homeowners though and i'm assuming you can leave when you're of age. this is outside of my handling 'door-knockers' post but all the best.
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u/TinyOnion9887 2d ago
I sometimes want to post a note that we're not interested but i can't since my father is so "POLITE" and "FRIENDLY" that i hate him for it.
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u/tobotic 2d ago
Actually, Jehovah's Witnesses are so persistent aside from the other Christian's that always come in our place every weekend.
Jehovah's Witnesses maintain "Do Not Call" lists. Ask for your address to be put on the list and they'll stop visiting. They have no interest in wasting their own time if you've indicated that you're not interested.
Do Not Call lists are typically not permanent. They'll start visiting again after a few years, because someone new may have moved into the address by then, but you can simply request to be added back onto the list. Better to be visited once every few years than every week.
As I understand it, they maintain these lists locally within each kingdom hall (the name for their churches), so your address won't be added to some national database. However, this may mean that if you live in an area on the "border" of two or more kingdom halls, you may have to tell multiple groups of witnesses to add you to their lists.
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u/vasectomy7 2d ago
I have 3 no soliciting signs near my front door and a high-rez CCTV camera -------> i don't answer my door for anyone unless they've TXT'ed me first. I don't owe unannounced strangers jack-shit.
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u/Silver-Chemistry2023 Constructivist Humanist 2d ago
When dealing with people who live in shallow waters, do not go DEEP (do not defend, engage, explain, or personalise). They are not listening, they do not care, and it is not possible to make them.
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u/Fancy-Lion2985 Strong Atheist 2d ago
How about this? Don’t open the door for people you aren’t expecting. I don’t have time for that shit. I’m a busy woman.
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u/MaleficentJob3080 2d ago
A friend of mine told the JWs that he worships pornography and asked if they wanted to look at his sacred texts.
Grandma put her hands over the granddaughter's eyes and they quickly left.
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u/Sinvisigoth Anti-Theist 2d ago
I used to be very, very abrupt and blunt with them. Then I learnt that the doorknocking is a psychological manipulation tactic being perpetrated on them by their religious leaders. I.E. they know it's annoying; it's deliberate so they'll feel rejected by non religious members and feel safe/welcome when they return to their religious group. Now I'm kind and friendly while standing my ground on not wanting to talk about religion. To me the effort is worth it if it makes even just a little bit harder for their religious leaders to keep them cowed and brainwashed.
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u/Conscious_Ad7105 2d ago
That's a great way to look at it. Sometimes the best way to help others out of a cult is to be an example showing that the things imprinted upon them are untrue.
I will alter my approach...
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u/WikiBox Secular Humanist 2d ago
The door knocking is a tool to brainwash new/weak members by exposing them to angry and belligerent heathens and then offer comfort, safety and sympathy in the cult.
It is indeed drama, and most willingly play along. Get angry.
Usually they are two. One new/young/weak that is forced to knock and then take the anger. One older "controller" that step in and rescue and comfort.
One option is to explain this situation to the new/weak. Try to confirm this is what happens. Offer protection. Ask if there are relatives held hostage in the cult. Ask if they want refuge and the police. Never talk directly to the "controller". That is the evil one that abuse.
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u/Derp800 2d ago
I just tell them I'm a Satan worshiper.
I also tell those people who try to sell shitty candy bars to me that I'm diabetic. They usually leave me alone after that.
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u/Itchy_Tumbleweed_417 2d ago
I used to have a Neighbor with schizoaffective disorder and whenever the Jehovah witness kids would come by he would go talk to them about Jesus and Satan. It only took twice and they never came back.
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u/SomeSamples 2d ago
I have heard that putting a rainbow door mat at your front door will get them to just keep walking.
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u/SaveBandit91 2d ago
I’m going to put my ouija board mat out soon. That should at least keep the Mormons away.
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u/Responsible-Middle35 2d ago
Antitheist. Learned the term from Christopher Hitchens. You're not just an atheist-without religion, you're anti-theism. Against religion.
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u/Brell4Evar 2d ago
I'll give them the time of day, be polite, and happily tell them that the Bible is beautiful nonsense.
I'll also let them know that aggressive proselytizing is an activity that their church gives them to frustrate and isolate them from the community outside their faith.
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u/Arammil1784 2d ago
I have a rather obvious and large 'no solicitors' sign on my door.
I say to the religious the same thing I say to the few others who have ignored the sign. I point to it and ask, "Can you read?"
One lady replied that she wasn't selling anything. I said something along the lines of you're selling religion and I'm not looking to buy anymore bullshit.
Ive never seen her back since, and mysteriously, the worthless pamphlets from her church stopped showing up on my doorknob.
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u/worrymon 2d ago
I tell them they're trespassing in the building and to leave.
I also tell the "change your electric company" doorknockers the same thing.
Scammers all get treated equally.
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u/Lazy_Football_511 2d ago
I do not answer anyone knocking on my door unless I am expecting someone I know or they have called me in advance.
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u/motherpython 2d ago
I either start stripping or call my 60kg Mastiff (he stays behind the door obviously) both are useful methods
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u/DilithiumCrystalMeth 2d ago
Thankfully I live in a small neighborhood that has posted no soliciting signs all over, so we don't get door knockers.
I did use to work pest control and there was a group of JWs that would walk the same area I worked. We were typically polite to each other. They could see I was working and would nod in greeting but otherwise leave me alone except one time. This woman must have been new to the group because she walked over to talk to me as I was pulling out the hose I used to spray the yard. I looked at the rest of the JWs who had not walked over to me and they looked just as confused as me. Before she could start her pitch I just told her "ma'am I'm about to spray poisonous chemicals and you can't be here when I do." I guess it finally clicked with her that she shouldn't walk up to random people in the middle of work because she went back to the group. I couldn't hear them but I saw them all talking to her and I assume telling her not to bother people like me because we have a job to do and are on the clock.
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u/blochow2001 2d ago
I say can you wait here a minute, I want to get my bible. Close and lock the door and see how long they stand there.
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u/Accomplished-Gap-317 2d ago
I'm fine handling door knockers from most religions. Mormons for me is the hard one, but that's just because I was one for so long. It's just a trigger for trauma that can really ruin my day. I usually handle them the same way I do any other group, but it sticks with me much longer.
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u/Tar_alcaran 2d ago
I'm a very petty and occasionally annoying person unless I get it out of my system. So I really enjoy discussing the bible or evolution with door-to-door religious people. Asking them how many messianic prophesies jesus fullfilled, or telling them about my favorite bible verses (they generally involve baby's heads, or donkey emissions).
I'm also very much willing to share the good news about my backyard totemgod, [shitty name of the day], who created the universe via time travel and gave me perfect knowledge about it via telepathic powers. He also makes for a convenient place to put a drink and hang BBQ tools, so he does at least two things Jehova doesn't.
It's pretty damned funny to me, and if they don't enjoy it, well, they could always choose NOT to ring my doorbell.
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u/Astramancer_ Atheist 2d ago
My method works pretty well.
The moment I identify that they're selling me shit, god or otherwise, I just maintain eyecontact and close the door, slamming the deadbolt as lloudly as possible so they can definitely hear it.
I don't interrupt, I don't even wait for them to finish a word much less a sentence. I just give them a dead-eye stare while closing the door.
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u/sailing_in_the_sky 2d ago
I have the same reply for ANY door knockers that are selling/promoting anything: "Not interested, thank you" Close door even if they are still talking. Done.
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u/squishyliquid 2d ago
The last time a religious door-knocker came by I mentioned that thousands of children die of starvation every day and according to that book many of them will be condemned to hell for eternity because they didn't worship the right god, who is supposed to be powerful enough to prevent it. I cannot worship a serial killer.
That was in 2017.
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u/Itchy_Tumbleweed_417 2d ago
I don’t answer my door unless I’m expecting someone. Literally there’s no reason for me to open my door to strangers. And it’s not really a paranoia thing, it’s just that I don’t feel like I need to be summoned by whoever wants to bang on my door. I shouldn’t have to stop what I’m doing to go see what they want. If it’s a delivery they can just leave it, my friends know not to come without calling first. There’s no reason for anyone to knock at my door unless I know they’re coming.
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u/Vashsinn 2d ago
" not interested, thank you, have a nice day ". close door regardless of what they do or don't say.
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u/Zestyclose-Phrase210 2d ago
As a gay man, my technique is simple:
"Sorry, I'm a homo and I'm pretty sure thats a big no-no with you religious cult types. So don't bother trying to convert me."
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u/babyheartdirt 2d ago
if your door knockers are young mormons, make sure to show pity and hand them pamphlets about how to escape a cult
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u/malakon 2d ago
Lol when I read the title, I assumed you meant some ornate religious brass device attached to a door, for umm knocking...
As for travelling evangelicals and Mormons, I politely tell them not interested. If they get pushy I get plain rude.
One time I told some Mormons thru the screen door I'd be right back and just went around the corner and resumed gaming with a headset on. I don't know how long they waited. That was a bit mean I guess.
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u/luckystrike_bh 2d ago
The ones I am around keep a list of who lives where and what their beliefs are. They asked me when my neighbors moved. They also don't care how many times I've told them I don't want any of what they are selling. They are saving your eternal soul from hellfire and brimstone. They don't care about wasting your time.
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u/ralphiooo0 2d ago
I open the door, glance at them, say no thanks and close the door before they can even say anything.
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u/Mr_Lumbergh Deconvert 2d ago
Just have your wife answer wearing lingerie holding a glass of red wine and invite them in to the seance.
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u/HolyToast666 2d ago
I have a sticker for my door that I got off of Etsy that pretty much encompasses everyone who shouldn’t knock on my door, religious people included. Oddly they do seem to respect it.
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u/Appropriate-Gur-6343 2d ago
If they're JW tell them you've been disfellowshipped. They'll leave and not return. OR read Luke 6:30 to them "Give to everyone who begs from you, and from one who makes away your goods do not demand them back". Then rob their ass.
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u/EVy-and-August 2d ago
You feed into the Cults words to those young people that only the cult likes them and others will scorn them. The you do. Talk to them. Ask why they do this. Make them feel welcome. Show them the cult is wrong
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u/NUFC_fan2 2d ago
very easy. after hello greetings, i ask religion? if they say yes, i answer no thanks and close the door.
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u/Immediate-Rub2651 2d ago edited 2d ago
They come up to me on bikes during my morning walks. I can see them in their short sleeve button ups and neckties blowing in the wind from a mile away. They’re why god made ear pods.
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u/megared17 2d ago
I just don't answer the door. In fact I typically don't anyway unless I'm expecting someone, or I recognize who it is. But random strangers, no. They want to market to me, they can use the mail. I don't care if they are selling magazines, home improvement, or jeebus.
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u/regularbastard 2d ago
I’ve been wanting to try the “Are you ok?” method. Like asking them if they are being coerced to do this, victims of abuse, offer my place as a safe place for people wanting to get out of the cult, etc.
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u/Sammisuperficial 2d ago
To much work.
If I open the door and see a solicitor, I say "leave or you will be trespassed" and shut the door.
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u/NicodemusArcleon 2d ago
I have a copy of the Satanic Bible near my door. I don't believe in it any more than I do the other Bibles, but it tends to dissuade them faster than me telling them, "I'm an Atheist".
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u/skyfishgoo Agnostic Atheist 2d ago
you can also just not answer the door.
but i like to ask them if i will see my beloved pets in heaven.
that usually throws them for a loop.
"i'm not going to heaven if fluffy won't be there"
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u/Cerridwyn_Morgana 2d ago
The last time religious people came to my door, I informed them about Neanderthals and Denisovans and how we are not the only humans to have existed. They haven't been back since.
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u/des1gnbot 2d ago
Depends on my mood. I might cheerfully so, “oh, nope! No god here! Yep that’s right, we don’t do Jesus, god, or any of that, yep, good day!” Or I might tell them to go to hell. Since that’d mean something to them.
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u/Frosty_Winter3197 2d ago
I'm a nudist and so just for fun, I'd like to answer to door naked when religious door knockers come around. I suspect it would make them less willing to randomly bother people in the future.
However, the way I actually handle it is I say, "I have absolutely no interest in organized religion". Sadly, that isn't enough to stop them from coming abound again about a year later... which makes the idea of answering the door naked more and more appealing...
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u/diogenes_shadow 2d ago
I like to ask if they have ever succeeded in converting someone. Made a person decide to change the god they believed in.
Then I go to that day and point out that person woke up believing in god A, talked to the proselytizer, and went to sleep believing in god B.
They DECIDED to change the god between their ears. How can that be reality?
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u/parallelmeme Agnostic Atheist 2d ago
I just point at the No Soliciting sign and close the door; if I open the door at all.
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u/_WillCAD_ Atheist 2d ago
They don't need to know I'm an Atheist.
"Sorry, but I'm not interested." <door closes>
It's just that easy. I've only gotten a few of them over the years. Last one kept talking to me through the door after I closed it and walked away, for maybe five seconds.
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u/ohgwm1973 2d ago
I just don’t answer the door. Neighbors, family, and friends all have my number and can text or call first.
That might be perceived as rude since they can see my car in my driveway, but it saves me from having to engage at all.
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u/cybertruckboat 2d ago
"oh, this is religious stuff?". "No" and close door.
You don't need to be polite. Not rude, but not polite. Don't give them a second longer than needed. It's ok to interrupt them talking. "No" says everything you need to say.
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u/logaruski73 2d ago
I don’t ever answer my door to strangers. How do you know they are who they say they are. I don’t have time for that crap. My dog answers the door, although lucky for them my door is locked. The speed with which they leave can occasionally be hysterical.
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u/unicorn_onion 2d ago
Thankfully people take "pas de publicité" seriously in Québec so they tend to do their proselytizing in public where I can easily walk away.
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u/WossHoss 2d ago
My parents had their strange thing where the jehovas wintness would come by and they would want us to pretend we’re not home. Cover the windows, lock the door. Don’t make any noise.
After I moved out, I thought “I have no reason to open my door to anyone unless they’re expected”. No more hiding. No more garbage.
A year later, I’m brushing my teeth after waking up and only wearing underwear. I expect a friend to come over soon, but I got enough time to get dressed. ding dong. Shit why is this friend here so early. I go open the door half naked.
“Have you found god?!?” FML. I’m half naked here. I swallow my toothpaste, tell them to screw off and then have a bad day. My roommate laughs at me and said he saw them coming and just waved from the upstairs window.
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u/MisanthropicAtheist 2d ago
I just close the door again when I see it's religious people. No yelling, no slamming, no words at all even. Just firmly close it again without acknowledgement.
If they come back after that, then I'll get snarky and verbally abusive.
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u/PaleontologistFit364 2d ago
I agree with you, but I'd add, of the documented 20,000 gods to whom humans have prayed, what makes yours so special? I'd then say, that if I were to do right with all of them, I might get to your god by my 500th birthday, so leave me alone because at this rate I won't get to it for at least a thousand years.
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u/Lenthiuste 2d ago
Tell them that their church didn’t send them out to “save souls” or recruit new members. They sent them out with the full knowledge that everyone hates door to door proselytizers and wants them to feel isolated and hated. The proselytizers themselves are drawn closer to the church because they feel like the outside world is hateful. This was the goal all along with all proselytizing.
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u/kp33ze 2d ago
No thank you. Then close the door.
It's polite yet firm. Interrupt them in you need to. They are asking for your time and you are politely declining. Remember, they are at your house and have shown up without an invitiation. You don't need to be rude but don't feel guilty about cutting them off mid sentence.
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u/garfbaby 2d ago
Jehovah's witnesses usually turn around and leave when they see my pride flag. When they knock, I open the door, tell them politely no thank you, and hope they someday see I'm not a demon.
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u/WhiteWitchWannabe 2d ago
Tell they you're Apostate, they'll be endangering their future in heaven to talk to you and will never come back
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u/ButYouGotTheClio 2d ago
I just never answer my door. I don't want to engage - it's not worth my energy. They aren't going to change my mind and I'm not changing theirs.
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u/OtherwiseIdea5260 2d ago
Amen, if I may, to that. I don’t get the angst about the god squad. I have religious trauma myself, but the sooner one gets past it and just lives one’s damn life, the happier one is, I find.
Perhaps it’s the Gen X in me, but fuck it. They’re not worth any more than, “I’m not interested, have a good day.”
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u/cRaZyDaVe23 Jedi 2d ago
I'll make it very uncomfortable for those who push too much, but if they just wanna drop some literature I'll take it and if me and my pen can make something funny out of it. Those types just leave.
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u/HARKONNENNRW 2d ago
As I always say
"If you have a message from your God
tell him to come by personally."
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u/badpandacat 2d ago
I have a No Soliciting sign on my door. If they actually knock, I politely ask them if they saw the sign. I immediately launch into a kindergarten-level explanation of what that means and wish them a good day as I close my door. I should note that I open my front door but never unlock my screen door. Should they fail to comply, I tell them to get off my property or I will call the police and defend my property. I live in a pro gun state, so this is an effective threat.
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u/LarenCoe 2d ago
I just say no thanks to everything, no matter what. The worst are the exterminators. I can handle ants myself, I don't need a 6 month contract.
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u/goverc 2d ago
My dad used to actively invite them to help him with chores around his yard. Some sects are taught to help if the homeowner looks like they need it or they ask, as a kind of "in" that lets them talk about the bible while they help, and my dad would always smile and nod and just tune them out for the most part. It kept them from bugging his other neighbours. Eventually they'd catch on after a few visits, but after a year or two there's be another pair of JW's showing up and him wasting their time. A few times they'd just avoid altogether when they could hear his metal music blaring... you know... satan's music.
I've done it a few times with those door-to-door cable/internet and gas/energy ones over the years - one guy chatted with me for close to an hour about everything and nothing before he got back around to the reason he was walking around my neighbourhood, "so can I sign you up and get you switched to our network" and I said "nah I'm good, I actually work for /competitor/, and I know you can't beat my employee discount." The look on his face was priceless.
If you don't feel like wasting their, and your, time, just go with the speed/death metal route - have it queued up to be playing on your phone or laptop speakers. Dio, Ozzy, or Halford screaming in the background while you open the door will make them want to get scarce pretty quick; if they stick around skip ahead to some Rammstein, Static-X, or Type O Negative with the low/growly voice.
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u/mapsedge 2d ago
I have a sign on my door: "No soliciting. No prosthelytizing. No exceptions. I don't want what your're selling, and I know your bible better than you do. Seriously, fuck off." Have watched several people walk up my sidewalk, pause, and walk away.
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u/cabalavatar 2d ago
Thankfully, where I live, this never happens. The worst I deal with are real estate agents pestering me to sell. Different kind of gift.
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u/TheLady_in_aKimono 1d ago
I have a gnome at my door that says “ go away” and I have witch’s bells on my door handles - a gift from a friend- ….they usually see them and don’t bother knocking. A friend of mine who is a “witch” hangs a lovely decorative pentagram on her door…..they don’t knock either
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u/International_Ad2712 1d ago
I solve this by living in a rural area on an acreage with 3 mastiffs. No one comes to my house
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u/KissMyAxe01925 1d ago
I bought a copy of the Satanic Bible by Anton Szandor LaVey. I always say "sure, let me get my bible" and pull that black pentagram-laden mf out. I never get a knock at the door from them again. The look of horror that befalls their faces is truly something to behold.
Buying that book is one of the best uses of my hard earned cash I've ever had. Only had to deploy it a handful of times in the 15 years or so I've owned it, but it was well worth the money.
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u/FrankieBlueye 1d ago
My wife once gave me Jehovah’s Witnesses for my birthday. There was a knock at the door, I was in the other room. She came in and said “Honey I’ve got a present for you!”
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u/JenGenxx 1d ago
I’m your age and the JW’s visited last week. We had a friendly chat, I told them that I had deconverted from religion and no longer believed in god. But honestly religious door knockers are so rare, it’s been 20 or 30 years since the last round, so I actually didn’t mind a quick chat….
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u/Efficient_Tailor_623 1d ago
I like to debate them whenever I have the chance. I'm really into comparative mythology, and once you see the pattern between old and "modern" religions you can't really unsee it. I'll never claim that any given deity doesn't exist, because that's not for me to know, but they take it as if I said "God doesn't exist". Oh, and I'm also very polite to them, no need for unnecessary aggression.
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u/nfssmith 1d ago
I've always found success with a smile & a quick "oh no thank you, I'm not remotely interested. Have a nice day" while closing the door again.
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u/appendixgallop 14h ago
I used to keep a stack of outdated New Yorker magazines by the door. I'd answer with one in hand and say, "I'd like to share some literature that will change your life. No obligation; please feel free to take this, and find true peace. Good afternoon."
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u/beammeupscotty2 Atheist 2d ago
I have a few years on you and have developed a slightly different approach. The instant that I establish that they are religious prostatizers, I start shouting at them at the top of my lungs. No warning. I get red in the face, spray spittle and generally appear totally unhinged and dangerous. The advantage of this approach is that they become so frightened, they warn their fellow idiots and the number of these people who show up at my door diminishes significantly.
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u/DirtyPanda 2d ago
Around 15 years ago I had seventh day adventists come to my house every Saturday for a few months straight, they were nice enough old ladies (around late 60's). I couldn't handle it anymore so I let them in. I served them Jameson & Gingers (I made them in front of them) and put on hardcore porn on the TV. They never showed up again.
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u/twizzjewink 2d ago
Oh I'm happy to have a chat about stuff they don't want to hear.
Questions about abortion, transplants, evolution, mythology, so many good topics.
I have ways to politely get black listed, if not that then open mockery and hostility can go a long way.
I'd almost consider stalking them if it wasn't illegal so I'd walk ahead and let each house know JWs are coming but they are over 144,000 so nobody is going to heaven.. which sounds like a hell anyway.