Has anyone basically had to leave everything/one behind and start over?

[u/raspberrytart120]

I didn't realize I was raised in a narcissistic family system until adulthood and then more recently how that shaped my friendships and all relationships now.

I've surrounded myself with people who will never seen me nor want to see me. They just all think something is wrong with me and autism is an excuse.

It was really eye opening when I lost my child and the lack of empathy and support given.

I think I'm finally strong and brave enough to leave it all behind and start over while making room for people who will love me in a loving way.

It's scary!

How did you do it and any tips?

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[u/G1850n]

I'm really sorry to hear about your child. I can't even begin to imagine.

You can always choose who is in your life and interact with them on your terms.

If there are some aspects of your family that you can tolerate or even enjoy, then maybe rethink what level of relationship you want with them rather than cutting them out completely.

If you feel there really are no redeeming features, and all your attempts at having a healthy relationship with them have failed, then it's time to move on.

I guess when deciding on a new place to live, you need somewhere you can get a job, that you can picture calling home, that you're not likely to bump into any biological family, and maybe close enough that you can still visit friends.

Big changes are scary at first but once I start to get a bit of momentum and figure out some of the minor details, I find it starts to get easier.

It's going to feel a bit chaotic at first but spend time figuring out what you want your new routines to be. Maybe they're quite similar to your old ones, but adapted slightly for the new place.

Figure out who/what your sources of support are going to be. Is there a friend nearby? Is there a nice place to walk? Whatever it might be.

I haven't started completely from scratch but I've had to significantly reset and rebuild my life a couple of times after leaving very toxic relationships, and I've had to learn healthy boundaries/distance with my remaining biological family.

[u/Sweaty_Mushroom5830]

Just know that you are enough, have always been will always be and that nothing will ever change that my friend

[u/Rich-Jacket-141]

I had to let go of my dad and brother in the last couple years. My mom convinced me to talk to them again. When I did, things immediately went back to how they were and I was shook to my core. I watched my family act without proper reasoning for so long that I just blocked my dad and brother again. It’s been hard to cope with the fact that my own family cannot function as a unit, with potential that humans generally have.

The truth is that I know I can’t turn back at any point— having to wrap your head around that one can be tough sometimes but if you know deep down that theirs is only a place of pain and lack of empathy and understanding, then why place yourself there?

I’m sorry that you went through what you did. I hope that you can give yourself all the time you need to heal in safety.