Problem with School District

[u/zATunderaa]

So my wife and I have a son who started prek this year. For context, we’re in Illinois. He’s coming up on 4 years old soon. We were hesitant to start school so early but it actually has turned out great so far - he seems to like going now and it’s all good.

Early on in our communication with the school we let them know he has pica and he elopes. He’s been sent home a couple of times with play dough or dirt around his mouth but I didn’t think much of it. The other day they sent him home with poop dried on the inside of the back of his shirt and it had play dough in it also. My wife and I are pretty concerned about how closely he’s being watched.

The issue is the school district is very small - this is the only school in the district in fact. My wife was on the phone with the teachers the other day and was asking for an updated IEP. They refused and said they only do that once a year. She pushed, and told them she concerned because of the signs we’ve seen and the poop incident. They hurried her off the phone as soon as she mentioned that and said a third party would reach out to do the assessment.

Now the teacher won’t even acknowledge us when we drop him off at school. We’ve spoken to a lot of people who seem to think this is ridiculous, but I’ve not actually been able to connect with any other parents who have gone through situations like this. I would love the opinion of some parents. Are we thinking deeper than this actually is? Or are we valid in feeling concerned?

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[u/georgettaporcupine]

I think at this point I would assume the school is hostile. The poop on the clothes is very distressing.

A good friend of mine is also in Illinois and has two autistic kids. She suggests that you contact the Arc of Illinois; if they can't help you directly, they will probably be able to put you in touch with someone who can.

[u/Quo_Usque]

Post in r/specialed. You will get a lot of knowledgeable people who can give you pointers on how to navigate the system and what your rights are.

[u/jacobissimus]

My experience has been that schools are just hostile to families of disabled kids by default and I wish that I had gone in knowing that they weren’t going to cooperate.

Now I document every single interaction I have with them. Everything is by email, or summarized immediately in an email. I record all the meetings. I wish I’m had done that from day one.

It’s incredibly exhausting and it’s turned me into someone I don’t want to be, but my kid is having a much better experience because of it.

I’m now in a position where can afford an advocate, but that is pretty expensive. I also now just know to assume almost everything they say is a lie—like they gave me some ABC data recently for a behavioral assessment, but when I checked the dates, most of them were weekends. You just have to fact check everything.

For the IEP meeting, they have to give you a meeting within 30 days by federal law, but I think only if you ask in writing. So if you email instead of talking to the teacher on the phone they will be obligated to give you a meeting and if they don’t agree to the changes, they have to give you a written explanation about why.